In Awe

Ever been Star Struck?  I have.

I've met many celebrities, usually when bartending, but some by sheer coincidence.  And the first few I met I was struck dumb.  I didn't say much as I didn't want to seem an idiot.  The first "celebrity" I met was in 1985, when I met Roger Daltrey of the Who after his solo show at the Tower Theater in Philly.  I was so star struck I didn't even ask for an autograph.  I shook his hand though.

In time I got better at it.  I was at my best when I met Paul Simon at a Yes concert (also at the Tower) some years ago.  He was cool, really nice, and shook my hand as well.  I told him I loved his music.

For that matter, I met most of Yes, but at a different occasion.

I have gotten better at it, but that means it still doesn't happen.  And the funny thing is, for me, it happens at TG conventions.

Here's an example.

Back in 2013, I attended my first Southern Comfort Conference (I wrote about it HERE.) There I met several women whom I had admired for their beauty and seeming grace.  Ana Cristina Garcia, Laura Lenley, Stephanie Yates and others. I was friends with several on Facialbook, but meeting them?

With Ana Cristina Garcia

Yes, I was a Fan girl.  And I tried my best not to make an ass of myself.  But I did.  And I discovered that they were so very nice and accepting.  Ana is a warm and fun person, and Laura is as fun as I imagined.  And Stephanie Yates didn't disappoint either!  I am a better person for having met them.

One in particular I was a fan girl of was Linda Lewis.  And I managed to make her angry.  Over time, I got to know her, and I was able to help her in her time of need.  We are now roomies and best friends.  I learned a valuable lesson at SCC, and since... that people we admire are People.  Linda is one of the most down to Earth and practical people I know, yet has a wicked sense of humor.  And did you know she's a fellow Trekker?

LLAP

Another example is the amazing Donna Rose.  I met her on several occasions and she is simply a treasure.  It turns out she's a "Big Sister" to my "Big Sister" Mel.  When I first met her I was absolutely tongue tied.

But even that knowledge didn't help at Keystone.  Nope, I was stunned into gaping silence by the beauty of several women, most of them Vanity Club sisters.

Here's an example.

Stephanie Wardlow is a fellow VC sister.  She's absolutely stunning, and by all accounts an extremely nice person.  I've posed with pictures with her.  Heck, we sat at the same table at the Keystone Gala this year.  But she'd so damn beautiful I was star struck. I don't think I said even a word to her, and those who know me know how strange that is, as I'm a talker.

With Stephanie at SCC 2013

There are women I'd love to meet someday, but I fear I'd be a blithering idiot.  Women like Heidi Phox and Samantha Johns.  There are others of course, but I'll keep this entry short.

Something I just thought about.  I write occasionally about people coming up to me and complimenting me on my blog and stuff.  Do they feel that way about me?  Nahhh... they all seemed quite in control.


Star Struck.  It's seems so strange.  I know these people are just human like me, but, without even knowing them, I elevate them to a higher plane than myself.  Self esteem issue?  Maybe.  At least I know I'm not a narcissist.

In any case, I wonder how many people get star struck out there.  Do you dear reader?  Hey, you could share your experience in the comment section!  That could be fun!  :)

Be Well!

Tradition and a Raven

Wife and I have a tradition that we started the first year we were married, way back in 1994.  Easter was approaching, and we found The Ten Commandments on TV.  Near the beginning.  So we decided to watch it on our TV screen smaller than the monitor I'm looking at now. And watched... and watched... through commercials... until midnight.  We both had early wake up times the next day, and hadn't expected the movie to last five hours, but it did with commercials.

But we both loved it.  And the next year we bought a copy on VHS so we didn't get commercials.  And so it went as the years passed.  Every Easter week/weekend, we would watch the movie.  Eventually we upgraded to DVD.

Wife and I have been separated for nearly two years. including two Easters.  But the one tradition we managed to keep when all others have withered away has been that one.  And last week, MIL went away for a few days, which allowed me to see my daughter, my dog, and watch the movie with Wife.  We broke it up over two nights, both after I was finished work.  Daughter wasn't into the movie, but we watched it.  And yes, I was there as Sophie.

My 15 year old dog, Nittany

As we watched, we told many of the same jokes as we watched it that we've developed over the years.  It was like nothing had changed.  But it had.  I'm a woman now.  And we weren't living together.

But I'm very glad we could keep at least one tradition alive.  And maybe someday Daughter will join in as well.


The day after we finished watching the movie, I was in New Hope with my roomie, Linda Lewis.  The occasion was Raven 28.  I've talked about the Raven gatherings in previous entries.  They were started by the beautiful Jen Bryant who hosted them through number 27.  But now Jen is out and full time,.  Her work and boyfriend are taking up a lot of her time and she was ready to move on.  And so she did.

Jen Moves on.  Pic courtesy Jennifer Bryant

But she didn't want the tradition to die.  You see, TGs up and down the Eastern seaboard attend this event.  For many, this is the biggest event on their calendar.  For some, this is the only time they can be en femme.  So Jen passed the baton to Jane Reynolds.  Yes, the same Jane who I helped on her first night out a couple of years ago.  She is now full time as well, and has the responsibility of running this huge event.

Linda and I both wanted to show our support to Jane, so we headed to New Hope for the day.  We walked around downtown for a bit before stopping at Havana for lunch.  The time before when we visited there, the food and service were good.  Not this time.  The burgers were way undercooked, and they took a long time to arrive.  Linda and I were underwhelmed to say the least.

From there we went to the Raven Cub room.  On our way we bumped into Jane, who took a picture of us crossing the parking lot.  We then went to the Cub room where I bumped into many others including the gorgeous Valentina.  I don't see her often so it's always a treat.  Kristyn King took many pictures, as did several others.

In the Cub Room with Marie Lamonte, Linda Lewis, Valentina Torrelli

From there a quick stop in Jane's hotel room, as she invited us for a beer.  Then over to the Raven itself.  While we were there, Linda engaged two GG's in conversation about makeup (they admired hers) and suddenly we had new friends!  While we sat there, a TG named Michelle (I hope I got your name right) came over to me and told me how much she loves this blog.  As always I was very flattered.  She says she reads it regularly, so here you go!  Shout out to you!  :)

Linda had to work early the next morning, so we had to go early.  I missed seeing many people, including my dear sister Sandy Empanada.  But we had to get home.  I had to work as well, but not until 11 so I could sleep in.

I'm glad the Raven is in good hands.  I wasn't there to see if the whole thing went off without a hitch, but Jane seemed to have it under control.  I know it has to be difficult- even if Jen Bryant made it look so easy with her endless charm.

I hope everyone had a great time!


Random bitz:

This is the 302nd post in this blog.  If you count the 41 posts from my MySpace blogs, it's the 343rd.  For those of you who didn't know it, I have an older set of blogs:  The Myspace Blogs.  These were done on Myspace (duh) and documented the early part of my journey.  I started writing them directly after my first time out as Sophie.  So if you want to see how I've changed, have a look at them.  For those who care, you can also track how my writing style has changed over time.  And how my look has changed, etc.

Have a look!  Comment!

How Long Does It Take?

So today at work, I had a rare day at customer service (I'm a Head Cashier, so normally I'm at the cash registers.)  It was wonderful to stretch my legs and recommend books again.  I miss that part of the job.

So anyway, in comes a regular customer.  I'll call him Stench.  Why?  Because he stinks.  Really.  Bad.  He isn't the stinkiest customer we have but he's close.  In any case, I wrote about him before.  When I first came out, he called me by my male name, and said he would continue to do so as it's my "legal name."  I complained to management, and they spoke to him.  Since then he's tried to be my buddy.  I want nothing to with him.

So anyway, today I'm at customer service and he asks me for a book that was just released.  As I'm trained to do, I escort him to the book and place the book in his hand.  It's my Job- and I do my job.

As I'm walking away, he says "Thank you SIR."  Quite emphatically.

I turned around and glared at him.  "That's ma'am."  I was seething.

He said "Oh right.  Sorry.  I'm still not used to it."

"I took a step closer.  "It's been a WHOLE YEAR.  How long does it take?"  I glared and made sure not to blink (it's unnerving.)

In my mind, I'm thinking  "Good job Sophie, you're about to be fired."

He apologized again and tried to put his hand on my shoulder.  I backed away- I didn't want his hands on me.  You see, I love hugging Friends, but if you're not my friend, I don't want you touching me.  At all.

I turned and walked away.

As I walked back to the Customer Service station, he babbled more apologies.  And I thought about the interaction.  Management has been always been very clear about two things.  1) That they FULLY support my transition, and 2) That if a customer ever gets out of line, we do NOT have to just stand there and take it.  Normally, I do, because the rude people are usually old and rich and privileged, and arguing with them won't change their ways.

I still get sir'ed occasionally.  I always will.  I understand that's my lot in life, as I'll never be able to afford FFS.  But when someone is emphatic about it- that's just rude.  And that's when I get offended.

A few minutes later, I was fine.  I helped a coworker put away the new issues of magazines that arrived.  And suddenly Stench is there.  He apologizes again, doing his best to sound sincere.  And he touched my shoulder.  I recoiled and told him to forget about it.

I didn't go to management about this.  In my mind, I said my piece, and I feel I should be educating people about the trans-condition, not management.  I want to be an example.  And, he seemed corrected.  But if it happens again with him, I will go to management.  Three strikes and all...

Sir???

Keystone Conference 2015 Part 2

Friday morning dawned with... SNOW!  Harrisburg was forecast to get three to six inches of snow there on the first day of Spring.

View out the hotel room window

Fortunately, we didn't get all that much- really it was just a nuisance.  I didn't have to go anywhere so I didn't care.

Dr. Rachel Levine

The lunch speaker was Acting Physician General of Pennsylvania Dr. Rachel Levine.  She spoke about working hard to reach goals, oh, and by the way, she also happens to be trans.  I thought the speech was quite appropriate and damn good- she didn't get her position from an accident of birth- she worked hard for it!

While everyone was listening to the Doctor, Sandy Empanada arrived at the hotel.  I bumped into her after lunch, and we sat in the Dog and Pony catching up.

Me and Sandy

Our table grew, as it is wont to do when Sandy is around, as everyone wants to be around her.  Joining us, among others, was Dr. Ken Dollarhide, who speaks on religious topics at conferences and has made helping transpeople his mission.  We talked about his recent trip to Thailand, where he followed a group of Kathoey (thai transexual women) who worked in prostitution.  He wanted to see how they lived and see what, if anything could be done to help their condition.  We spoke about this for 45 minutes and it was fascinating.  The only reason we stopped was that I wanted to go to a writing seminar, which I did.

The writing seminar was chaired by three people, and they all did a reading from their works, then opened the discussion about Why we write, and other topics.  It was wonderful.  During the session I entered a dialogue with a former reporter from Chicago who was an experienced interviewer, but wanted the answers for her questions to be what she expected, not what they were.  It was lively and came down to again- WHY do we write?  Her reason for writing is different from mine- she specifically wants to inform and expose, but wants to change that to something "softer" while I write this stuff.  ;)

Evening came, and I dressed for the Vanity Club dinner.  We had a bus to ourselves as we were going to a different part of downtown Harrisburg.  But first there were cocktails in the dealer area!  I caught up with a few people, and stood for many pictures.

With the beautiful Olivia

Dinner was at the Firehouse.  I watched my dear friend Ally receive her pin.  I was also introduced to a woman named Samantha, who was a delight.  She sat next to me at the dinner.  Many pictures were taken, as usual.  Dinner was phenomenal.  Linda ordered the fish and chips, and got Moby Dick breaded!  It was HUGE!  I had steak that was so big I took half of it back to the hotel.  

With the gorgeous Ally.  I'm wearing her necklace

After dinner, some people stayed in downtown Harrisburg to dance the night away.  I decided to go back to the hotel.  I arrived to find the sisters of my support group deep in discussion.  The next day was to be a tribute to Dr. Osborne for her retirement and there were many details to be hammered out.  There was a bit of debate, several people including myself, made suggestions, and eventually everything was settled.  Two people would mesh their great speeches together and present them together.  

I was tired and went to bed around midnight.  The next day was the Gala.

Saturday was the final day of the conference.  I woke and got ready as there were seminars to attend and people to see.  Before the speaker took the stage, our group was introduced and we took the stage.  Our speakers Lilia and Victoria masterfully gave their speech and I presented a collage that group member Tammi made for Dr. Osborne.  Dr. Osborne received a standing ovation as she joined us on stage, and gave a tear filled thank you.  The surprise was total!

 My Dear Friends Amy and Victoria

Linda and me at lunch

The lunch speaker was Michael Silverman, executive director of the Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund, who spoke about how many victories we’ve won and how a certain political party is desperately trying to destroy those victories.  Yes, the tea partiers and their bathroom bills weren't mentioned by name, but they were referenced many times.  

Michael Silverman

After lunch I attended a session and drifted about a bit, catching up with still more people.  That night was the Gala.  I kept my appointment with Donna Miller to get my hair styled then changed into my gown for the evening.  

My gown was simple and flamenco flavored.  I'd worn it to New Years at the Raven a few years before.  Ally lent me a necklace that went with it perfectly.  I knew I'd be underdressed compared to most of the women, but I didn't care.  I was comfortable in my own skin.  

Photo by Kristyn King

The dinner speaker was seventeen year old Nicole Maines, who made history in Maine by winning a landmark TG rights case there. Nicole really impressed me.  She was introduced by her father, who gave the keynote last year.  As some may remember, Nicole's family was chased from their town by tea partiers who thought she was some kind of pervert for wanting to use the ladies room.  Death threats against a nine year old child- THAT'S the GOP.  They had to go into hiding.  But Nicole's family eventually won, and the case set precedent for other cases like it around the country. 

Nicole was a fantastic speaker, especially for her age.  Later in the night, after I'd changed out of my gown, I had the chance to meet her and I told her how polished I thought her speech was.  She was so happy to hear it!  (Not that my opinion matters- I told her I am a former English teacher, which I am.)

 I spent the rest of the night bouncing between watching the band and going to the bar.  So many people were there!  Such a change from the first year!


And while I'm thinking about it, without the volunteers, there would be no Keystone Conference.  Thanks to Transcentral PA and specifically Jenny Jensen, Katie Ward, Julie Berry, Becky Leight, Robin and Monica Nin, Kendra and Sara Edwards, Dee Anne Fields, Janelle and Cindy Whitman, Suzanne and Judy Robinson, Tyler Joel Davies, Tammy Christine Morgan, Hayden Denton, Suzanne Olivia, Gretchen Lyons, and Steffie.  

And did I mention how grateful I am to the conference for the scholarship?  THANKS AGAIN!

So, how did I pay for everything else?  Well, I've lived without credit cards for over a decade.  But I took up American Express on its offer of a card specifically for conference expenses.  And that's how I paid for everything else.  I'm paying it off monthly.  

End tangent.

With the beautiful Sandy Empanada

The night ended for me around 1 AM.  I was so tired, and just didn't feel like drinking.  The band ended its set, and while there were after parties in many rooms, I decided not to partake.  And so the next morning, I went to breakfast and wasn't hungover.  And like in years past, there were so many sad male faces at breakfast.  I was reminded of my dear friend Hayden's words from a few years ago: 

"It was eerie. When I close my eyes and think about the walk to the Dog & Pony on Sunday morning I swear I can hear dying echos of the most genuinely delightful laughter. It's like hearing ghosts from the past, Sophie."

And so it was again.  This time, Linda and I sat with friends at breakfast.  And this time, the Conference made the front page of the Harrisburg Newspaper.  There had also been a news crew on Thursday.  They interviewed me, but I don't think my little bit (they asked me about "the pain of being trans") made it to air.  

"The" Jenny North looks mischievous 

Anyway, breakfast was quiet and even a bit sedate.  There were more hangovers than waffles in that room.  After we ate (mmm Bacon) Linda and I packed my car, then went around and said our goodbyes.  Ally had to wait for her ride to wake up.  So after all the farewells, my final image of the Keystone Conference 2015 was the gorgeous Ally standing outside the hotel on a beautiful sunny Sunday morning, waving us goodbye.


And an two hours later, we were back at the apartment, needing to do laundry.  It's amazing how swiftly the Fantastic becomes mundane.  

Keystone always makes me reflective.  I've written before about why we need conferences.  And we do.  They are an outlet.  I wonder how many more of us would commit suicide if we didn't have conferences as an outlet.  A bit morose, but there it is.  Keystone has been, for me over the years; a source of terror, pain, but mostly tremendous Joy.  This year, was not an exception- for the Joy.  So many new faces blossoming and learning about themselves.  So many new Journeys.  

Like the Necklace?

Journeys.  So many speak of this condition this way.  But really, there isn't a better metaphor.  It IS a journey.  For some, that journey just means an occasional expression of femininity on a weekend or two.  For others, still more, and for a few of us, the Journey consumes our life.  It sure as hell isn't easy.  As I told the news people, I wouldn't wish this Pain on anyone.  And those who can accept that this is the Path that they must walk, no matter how often they tread it,  They are among the bravest of people.  

So for those for whom this was their first conference, Welcome to your Journey.  To my friends with whom I reconnected, seeing you again is the beauty of this conference.  To those who may attend someday, if you can afford it please come.  You won't find a more welcoming family anywhere.

Thanks to Jeanine Ruhsam and Kristy Snow, and all of your volunteers for a wonderful time.

The Debutante Ball

Saturday  night there was a party.  A Party for my One Year Full Time.  My friends Elizabeth and Jamie (look here for the history of who they are) decided I should have a party to mark the occasion.  Elizabeth also wanted a theme, and asked me for ideas.  I said she could come up with one, and so she did.

From Facialbook

She had an image of elegant gowns and dazzling decor... and I was really taken aback.  I mean-Me?  Elegant?  But her reasoning (posted above) really made a lot of sense.

A Party.  For me.  For Sophie.  It took a while to get my head around that.  Not only did they accept me, they wanted to celebrate me.  Long time readers know my feelings about such things.  I don't feel worthy of them.

In any case, my one year anniversary passed quietly, so I now have satisfied that WPATH standards of care hurtle.

Then a few days later it was Saturday, March 28.  I worked 9-5 that day.  I didn't get excited about the party until my last hour of work.  I usually don't get excited about things well in advance, as I worry that whatever it is will fall through.  Yes, I'm such an optimist.

I'd tried on a few gowns I have in storage, but none fit (moooo) so Elizabeth lent me one of her cocktail dresses.  And that is what I wore.

So I finished work, and stopped at Wawa to get a sandwich and Gatorade (2 bottle- it's great for hangovers) and went to M's where the party was being held.  (Veteran readers know I lived at M's for several months.) I ate quickly, and then redid my makeup.  My roomie Linda arrived around then, and made suggestions for my makeup.

Linda waits for me to finish

The Elizabeth wanted to do my hair.  I wet it so she could blow it out, which she did.  Then she tried to curl it.  It wouldn't curl.  My hair was stubborn... "Jamie can you try this?"  Oh- it helps if the curling iron is on!  We all had a great laugh.  The two of them then produced a tiara for me to wear.  I smiled, maybe a little embarrassed.

Seven o'clock came, and I was ready.  By then, others had arrived, including my "Big Sister" Mel.

Sophie at Seven

One of the next to arrive was someone I hadn't seen in over thirty years.  Jackie and I attended high school together.  We didn't hang out, but we knew each other.  The day after graduation, she headed into the Air Force, where she served for over twenty years.  Eventually, she friended me on Facialbook, and I thought "oh that's nice."  But a year ago when I went public, she became one of my biggest and most vocal supporters.  I was very grateful.  She accepted the invitation to the party, and it was wonderful to see her.  She gave me a butterfly pin, which I wore.

LtoR: Dawn, Jackie, Linda, Jane, Diane  (I'm seated in front)

Eventually maybe thirty people showed up.  A few brought gifts and they were gratefully accepted.  My dear friends the gorgeous Victoria and amazing Amy brought me a butterfly necklace, which I wore to work on Monday.

Early Evening Group Shot

At around 11, there was a "Sophie quiz" (not my idea, but I wrote it.)  The winner, Dawn, scored a 9 out of a possible 11 points, and was awarded a crisp $20 bill.  That's when things got a little surreal.  After the prize was given, I said a few words of thanks.  I was overwhelmed with emotion, tongue-tied and more than a little drunk.  Not my best speech.

Then Victoria spoke.  And I fought back the tears.  She was so eloquent and beyond generous with her words.  After that, another spoke, and another, then someone I barely knew, the husband of a friend spoke, saying that my friends and I were the first TG people he'd met, and he was richer for it.

I was completely a wreck by this point.  I certainly didn't deserve all that!

Former coworker and fun person, Jen

The party continued on, with people coming and going.  R's sister Katie came, wearing a gown she wore in Junior high!  (And it still fit)  (grumble).  I drank a LOT of wine, and eventually lay down on the couch.  I don't know what time it was when I finally fell asleep, but I slept through the night.

Co hostesses Elizabeth and Jamie

I woke Sunday on the couch.  I had a throbbing headache.  I cleaned the house a little, then loaded my car.  The activity proved a bit too much for me, as I then ran to the bathroom to... um... regurgitate.

The few that stayed over then went to Minella's Diner in Wayne.  I was invited but declined due to my sickness.  I drove home, and crawled into bed, where I spent the day sleeping it off.

Pre-party

I'm still wrapping my head around this... around what people said... about having a party for me at all.  A lot of good people came out and showed support for me- so many that I cried.  I've done my best to fight the good fight; to be a Good person.  I guess I attracted like minded people.

To those that attended the party, you have my deepest thanks.  To all who couldn't make it but sent me words of encouragement, thanks to you as well.  I definitely have some of the most wonderful people as friends.  Beautiful people.

I had a Magical night.  And nothing I've written here can begin to express how I feel.  But it will have to do.

Keystone Conference 2015 Part 1

The Keystone Conference 2015 has come and gone.  Keystone means so many things to those who attend.  In the past, it was a door that allowed me to be Myself for a few days at a time.  But then I'd have to return to drab life.

Keystone 2014 was my doorway to a new life as I left the drab behind.

Keystone 2015 was still a door, but through which I reached to others.  Thanks to the amazing volunteers at Transcentral PA, I had the opportunity to help those who were just starting out.

This was my Seventh Keystone Conference, and I wouldn't have been able to go without a scholarship from the people who organized the conference.  Scholarships are available based upon need, and as I am a retail worker, I needed the help.

Thanks again to the organizers for the scholarship!

I drove up with roomie Linda Lewis on a cold, windy Wednesday morning, March 18.  We arrived at around 11:15, and checked into room 309.  We then went to the Dog and Pony bar to wash the dust from the road from our mouths with a cocktail.  We didn't eat there, as we already had plans for lunch.

Newly arrived

We had lunch plans with my dear friend (and Vanity Club sister) Olivia Loren.  She was attending Keystone from Arizona, and brought her beautiful fiancee Kayden.  I feel I know Kayden a bit from her facialbook page and from all that Olivia has told me, It was an absolute thrill to finally meet her.  She, like Olivia, is an intelligent and fun as she is beautiful.  I did my best to not intrude on them too much during the conference, as theirs is truly such a rare thing: True Love.  You can see it in everything they do, and it is truly Magic.

Kayden (left) and Olivia (right)

After lunch. Linda and I unpacked and hung around, meeting people as they arrived.  We had dinner with an old and dear friend, Vanessa.  I've known her for many years.  She's the one who recommended Dr. Osborne to me.  No pictures, as she works in a VERY male dominated industry and would lose her job very quickly if discovered.  that's right, we still have no employment protection under the law here in PA for TG people.

Wednesday Night

After dinner, Linda, Vanessa, and I sat in the bar and relaxed.  Amanda Richards, makeup artist extraordinaire joined us for a while, and did several others.  Linda pointed out that at the bar were a few guys looking at her.  She flirted from a distance with them, but nothing major.  It was a mellow night and I was in bed by 11.

Amanda Richards

The next morning, I woke earlier than usual, showered and prepped.  I had an appointment with Amanda arraigned the night before.  She did my makeup, then I saw Donna Miller to sort out some life for my hair.  I then dressed in my suit, and was ready for my seminar.  But first was lunch, and the speaker was Kristin beck, the retired SEAL who is now running for Congress.  I had a chance to speak to her briefly before lunch, and she was amazing as always.  Her speech was the best I've seen from her.  She has become quite a relaxed speaker, but is still Very "Real."

Senior Chief Kristin Beck

After lunch was my seminar: 2 PM in the Dogwood Room.  Before I went downstairs, Linda helped me make a video.  I then checked my material, went to the room and prepped the easel with my needed pics.  I didn't use Powerpoint.  I don't own a laptop.  I'd be presenting on my usual topic of Writing TG Fiction as Therapy.  In past years, I've averaged about a dozen attendees.

Ready for the Seminar

Not this year.  I had eight.  And of those, five were friends of mine.  That's ok, I thought.  I can do this.  And then the whole thing fell apart.  Two of the people wouldn't stop giggling, and a third didn't contribute at all.  My entire lesson plan is based on this being an interactive exercise.  And yes, I know that "No lesson plan survives first contact with the students" but I gamely kept going.

After the seminar, my five friends said it went well.  The other three said nothing to me, even when i thanked them for coming.  I crashed and burned.  I felt like sh*t.  I felt like I failed.

And with that in mind, I went back to the room and laid down for a few minutes.  I had a 5:20 appointment to get some pictures taken with Cassandra Storm.  I read the conference materials, figuring out which seminars I'd attend.  Then I went to get my pictures done.

I then changed clothes and joined my old friend Jenny Jensen doing something I'd never done at Keystone:  I played Bingo.  I sat with the gorgeous Jenny North, who takes her bingo quite seriously.  The year before, she'd won a nice wig.  Well,  I didn't win anything in Bingo, but I ruled the trivia questions between games.  I won lots of small things, but at the end won a nice set of breast enhancers from the BreastForm Store.  As I don't need them I'll either donate them or sell them on ebay.  Probably sell them, as I have bills racked up from the conference to pay.  More on that later.

Run!  She has a microphone!

So then I went to the bar and sang karaoke.  I sand Joe Jackson's "Is She really going out with him" with a little success.  The bar was PACKED with people.  My dear friend Ally sand two songs beautifully, and my therapist Dr. Osborne absolutely ruled a Peggy Lee song.

Ally sings so well!

The night ended quietly.  Ally had arrived so all three of us called it a night.  Tomorrow would be a new day...

To be continued in Part 2

A Year Ago Tonight

A Year ago tonight, I changed my life forever.

I started the process years before, but that which led up to this night, started on the 22nd.  I changed the facialbook profile picture of my "guy" to a test pattern.  It would never show me as male again.

Then on the morning of the 24th, to this.

I worked until 7.  The next day was the Keystone Conference.  The next day, I was going Full time as a woman.

I posted my notice to everyone on my male Facialbook that I was transitioning at around 10:45 PM.  Eventually, 76 people "Liked" it.  The first comment came minutes later, at 10:52.  Then there was a flood of comments and personal messages.  Most of them were very positive.

I then changed my profile picture again.  This time to the real me.

After midnight, I posted another message.

Then I went to bed.  I couldn't sleep.  Nerves?  Sure.  But I was crying because I wished so badly that Lisa Empanada could've been there to see this day.  I still miss her.

I'd opened Pandora's Box after all the months of planning- after all the years of wishing, of yearning.  "Living In Silent Agony" as Lisa always said.  Now, all I had to do, was live the rest of my life.

It hasn't been easy.  No not at all.  But it also started a year ago tonight.  When I took that Huge Step into the Unknown.

Thanks to all who support me.  I love you all.

Sophie, March 24, 2015

Beware the Ides of March

Caesar:
Who is it in the press that calls on me?
I hear a tongue shriller than all the music
Cry "Caesar!" Speak, Caesar is turn'd to hear.

Soothsayer:
Beware the ides of March.

Caesar:
What man is that?

Brutus:
A soothsayer bids you beware the ides of March.

Julius Caesar Act 1, scene 2, 15–19

It's Sunday, March 15, 2015.  I was going to write about putting my foot in my mouth but decided instead to throw around some random thoughts.

Last Thursday was the annual physical inventory at the Bookstore.  The night began with a toddler dropping her pull ups and urinating on the floor.  The night did not improve from there.  Like many retail locations, we use RGIS to do our inventory.  The hierarchy in RGIS is that the counters (we had maybe 30) all wear red shirts.  The supervisors wear gray shirts.  We had 4 gray shirts.  Above that are suits.  We usually have a suit, but not this time.  No, this time we had a woman with cherry red hair (which looked pretty cool) in charge.  And three times she called me "Sir."  Now I was wearing a form fitting top, showing off the Girls to full effect.  Y'know- major feminine cue.  But she seemed to ignore that.  To say I was angry is putting it mildly.  I kept it together, and quietly corrected her each time.  Had there been another time, I may have been a little more... oh I don't know... forceful?  Maybe I should've flashed her.

Sir????

This week is the 2015 Keystone conference.  This time I'll remember to keep notes.  As usual, I'll have my article about it on TG Forum.  Once again, I'll be presenting a seminar.  This time I will be presenting after lunch!  2 PM Thursday March 19.  So if you're going to be there, I'd love to see you. I'll be rooming with my co-conspirators, the stunning Linda Lewis and amazingly gorgeous Ally Raymond (names familiar to long time readers.)

With Ally and Linda, 2014

 I can't wait to see old friends there.  So many people who I haven't seen in forever- many since last year.  I love seeing how we all grow from year to year.  I remember going for my first time and how scared I was.  This was a HUGE deal- being myself for several days in a row!  Now I'm a completely different person.

My first Keystone, 2009.  I still have that dress

Each year, I meet more people.  Last year for example I met the amazing Julie, who lives in central PA, and is a fellow paramedic.  She has since become a dear friend.  Who will I meet this year?  Who knows?

Linda Lewis, Julie, some fat chick

The future holds so much promise.  The Undiscovered Country and all that.  Keystone is an event I don't "Need" any more as I did.  I am full time.  But seeing so many wonderful people living their dreams is draw enough.  What will this year hold?  Well, I'll find out this week.  And you'll find out soon after, because as always, I'll write about it.

Keystone 2011

On a different note, The Phillies have started spring training.  Our ace pitcher Cole Hamels has said he wants to be traded to a winner.  Most of the team's stars are old and broken.  It's going to be a long season.  But I'll still be rooting on my fightin' Phils.  Just wish they stood a chance.

At the Phillies with the Beautiful Victoria.  2012

That's really all I have for now dear readers.  I hope you have a wonderful week.  I certainly will try.  After all, that's all I can do...

Be well.