Thursday, April 21, 2011

Big Sister


Just a quick post.  I haven't dressed since you last heard from me, that is until today.  Today I HAD to do something for my girl side, so I went shopping.

First to MAC, where I bought new eyeliner and some eyeshadow.  My old eyeliner made my eyes water and it wasn't waterproof, which wasn't a good combination.

Then to JC Pennys, where I bought a scoop neck top.  Pink.  It's cut low enough to show some cleavage.  ;)  So I came home and tried on the top with my white peasant skirt and flats.  Oh how I missed being properly dressed!

So why am I bothering?  I have a dinner invite!  Sophie does, not my guy self.  You see, my "big sister" in this thing, Mel, has invited me to a "casual" dinner Saturday night.  I am to come early so I can change and properly make myself up.  There probably will be others there as well.

Having a Big Sister is a tremendous help.  She transitioned years ago, and knows the pitfalls.  She also seems to know EVERYONE (even you, Chloe!)  ;) so I am getting introduced to people who I otherwise wouldn't have the guts to speak with.  If nothing else, it's nice to speak to someone who understands this mess in my head. 

Lately all I can think about is how life would be like being Sophie full time.  I may have a way to make sure I have a job through it- I'm looking at buying a bar.  That way, I'm SURE the boss won't mind if I change.  More on that if it develops.  Let's face it, my life as it is really is no picnic, and I KNOW life as Sophie would be harder... but would bring my mind and soul peace.  It comes down to guts.  Do I have the guts to be happy? 

Or should I just keep things status quo and be Sophie when I can, hiding behind an aging shell? 

No answers, but then we come to the best part of a Big Sis: hugs.  This situation means I need a lot of them.

And may you find the Hugs when you need them as well!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

A minor change?

This may sound minor, but I changed the name of this blog.

I changed it from "A Girl Named Sophie Lynne" to "A Woman Named Sophie Lynne."  Several reasons for this. 

First: when I look in a mirror, I see a Woman, not a girl.  A Woman has experience.  Wisdom from the pain and all that.

Second: at my age, I'm far from a girl.

Minor, maybe.  But I felt it needed to be done.

I am not a girl, I am a woman.

Hear me roar.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Just Another Night

It's been a busy time in Sophieland.  I recently reconnected with an old friend who transitioned (and disappeared) back in the 1980s.  I had a wonderful time and it was great seeing her.  She asked that I not talk about her, so that's all I'll say on that. No, instead I'll write about last Saturday night.  Just another night.

I won't be going to Laptop Lounge or Renaissance in two weeks.  I have an inescapable commitment.  That said, Angela holds this event twice a month.  I was going to go in drab, but decided what the hell?  I need my girl time!  So I made motel reservations and figured out an outfit.  A striped top that showed my cleavage and jeggings.  Only my second time out to Laptop without a skirt.  Simple, yet hopefully effective. 

And let's face it- I love showing my cleavage.

Amanda Richards told me she was booked, but then an opening on Saturday at 3.  Would I want it?  Hell yes!  But then my wife decided on a "family outing."  Uh oh.  So I lied to her and told her I was called into work.  I hate lying, but I NEED my Sophie time.

I checked into the motel, then dashed up to Amanda's.  She did her usual great job.  That saved me from having to run over to MAC and to Sally Beauty Supply for items I would need to do my own.

OK, so I was done and back at the motel by 6.  There was no Ren meeting.  Laptop wasn't starting until 10.  So I called a couple friends, but none could join me for a drink.  But my friend suggested I try going to a drive through fast food- expand my horizons.  I liked the idea.  So off I went.  First, a stop at a money machine.  It was an outdoor one, in full view of passing traffic.  No problem.

Then to a nearby Wendy's.  I tried to do a feminine voice as I ordered.  When I pulled around, the person at the window was quite rude.  I got the impression she was rude to everyone, not just me.  So I went to the nearby King of Prussia mall and ate while sitting in the parking lot.

Sometime while eating the chicken nuggets, I decided I would walk inside.  Alone.  In a mall where I could run into many, many people I know.  But I needed to do this.  I needed and still need to expand my horizons as a woman.  So I parked outside Lord and Taylor, and exited my car.

And walked into the store.  A short guy laughed at me, but I ignored him.  I kept my head up and smiled.  I had as much a right as anyone to be there.  I was a confident, happy woman.  Out the store and into the mall, heels clacking.  Down the mall a bit, and into the MAC store.  I spoke to one of the sales people and eventually bought some lip gloss to match my shade for the evening ("Touch" if you must know.)  Then back into the mall, head held high, clack clack.  Just another woman shopping in the mall.  OK, a 6'5" woman (with the heels) wearing a low cut top showing off her D-cup breasts, but still just another woman. 

Back into Lord and Taylor.  Through the store.  Out and to my car.  Where I sat down and almost hyperventilated.  I couldn't believe I just did that!  Sophie walked through the mall ALONE on a busy Saturday night.  I was drained.  Almost frantic.  I was ecstatic.  In those ten minutes, I grew subastancially as Sophie.  As a woman.  I called a couple friends, then went to Blue Pacific early.  I wanted a drink to celebrate!

So I was at the bar, where I recognized a guy from a previous Laptop.  We spoke briefly, but he had his daughter with him, so wasn't there long.  She was scared of me.  The guy sitting at the end of the bar?  he sent a drink down to me.

Ladies and gentlemen- another first!  This was the first time a guy I didn't know bought me a drink!  I looked good enough to deserve a drink!  OMG I was in heaven!  I accepted the drink and we talked for a good long time. 

Picture courtesy Angela's Laptop Lounge

Then I danced!

Then I went back to the room.  I had a morning shift, so that meant early exit.  I looked in the mirror in the motel and staring me back was not the same woman who left the room earlier.  She had grown so much.  I was almost overcome- I was so close to tears of joy. 

Small steps.  Small steps.  Eventually going to a mall en-femme will be no big deal.  But it was tonight. 

Just another night.