Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Tentative post: Bike on a Hill

One of the problems with having a blog so long is that I forget if I've written about this or that.  I don't like repeating myself.  One of the problems with having a blog so long is that I forget if I've written about this or that.  I don't like repeating myself.


In any case, I write about dreams often.  I even have a "dream journal" I keep next to my bed, so that if a particularly vivid dream hits, I can write it down before it fades from memory.  [Insert bit about dreams being portents and signs and such.]  Last night, a dream re-visited, however briefly, an incident from my childhood that, while I haven't forgotten it (and have a scar to remind me), I haven't thought about it in a long time.  


I learned to ride a two wheel bike fairly early in life- first or second grade.  My older brother (OB) taught me.  His bike had no training wheels, so he'd push me down a hill in a parking lot, and, at the base of the hill (where there was sediment gravel near a drain) is where I'd intentionally ditch the bike, as it was too big for my feet to touch the ground.  Crash!  Scrape!  Minor road rash.  "I wanna do it again!"  After a few trips down the hill, I'd mastered the necessary balance, and went into the house dirty, bloody, and happy.  Within a day or three, my dad (on a rare day off) removed the training wheels from my smaller bike, and off I went with my new found freedom!  


From an ad- the bike I had.

Maybe a year or two later, my parents got me a bigger kid's bike from K-Mart for my birthday.  That's the vehicle upon which this tale concerning Newton's Second Law of Motion takes place.  This bike, like all bikes of that type, had coaster brakes, which means if you pedal backwards, that would slam on the brakes, and you'd come to a quick-ish stop.  And if you did this as a skid, you'd look "BOSS!"  (Yeah, that was a thing in the 70s).  The weakness of coaster brakes was that the bike chain needed to be on to work.  Bike sprockets back then would bend if you crashed enough, which meant the chain could "pop" off.  An easy fix if one is stopped.  I think you can see where this is going.  


As I've written before, the street where I grew up was on a steep hill.  Hall street was about three blocks long.  West to east, the first block was flat, the second block was a steep-ish hill (and was closed after snow storms for sledding), and third block, upon which I lived, was far steeper with a slight bend to northeast.  At the bottom of my block was Main St, and across from that, the foundry and a driveway leading to the creek.  

 

In that order.

Current USGS Topographic Map


Using google maps and equations I looked up (hey- physics class was almost 40 years ago!), the second block descended at an angle of 350 degrees (slope -0.167) and my block was 338 deg, slope -0.4.  QED.


One summer's afternoon, I decided to walk my bike to the top of the hill and ride to Church Street (top of my part of the street) for a quick thrill.  After all, it was summer, I had a bike, and why not?  ZOOM!  SKIIIIIID!  Maybe do it again.  Hey!  Maybe if I practiced skidding enough, I'd do it cool enough that the older kids on the block would be impressed and pick on me less for being girly!  One of the problems with having a blog so long is that I forget if I've written about this or that.  I don't like repeating myself.


Still with me?


So up I went, uphill, barefoot, (shoes in the summer?  Oh please!) to the top of the hill.  Of course, I'd be pedaling as well down the hill to reach maximum speed so the skid would have maximum coolness!  And... they're off!  In my mind I was pursuing an enemy plane, and catching up for the kill!  Nearing the bottom by the police station, I decided to slow a bit before doing the spectacular skid, and...


The chain popped.  No brakes!

The trip

I zoomed through stop sign and intersection fast enough that I didn't want to ditch.  Preacher's yard?  No I'd hit the curb and wreck.  Now the steeper hill... no brakes!  Mounted the sidewalk using a driveway about half way down...Zoomed past my house doing 0.5 past light speed.  At this point, I had the brilliant idea of slowing by dragging my left foot on the pavement!  I forgot- no shoes!  Scrape!  Owwww!

Angle into the fire house parking lot, maybe ditch there?  No going too fast... oh shit!  I'll run straight out onto Main Street into traffic!  I'll be crushed!  

Lower hill.  The red X is where I put down my foot


By the time I reached Main street, I was easily doing warp 9.7.  Leaned into turning to the right, hoping not to flip and... into the street!  Fortunately, no cars were coming.  Main street was flattish, so the bike eventually slowed after a couple of blocks, and I put my feet down to stop and OUCH!  I left a bloody footprint from my left foot.  I ended up stopping next to a yard, hauled my bike onto the sidewalk and turned it over to fix the chain.  Then I lay on the grass, my left foot finally sending signals of intense pain.  


Don't cry- only babies cry... only girls cry...


I don't remember riding back to my house or dressing the wound (my mum probably did that with mercurochrome- the red-orange cure all that stung like crazy!)  In any case, this dressing made me don sneakers for at least a month to avoid infecting the injury, which of course happened anyway, and left me limping, which made me useless for what few games I'd be invited to join by the neighborhood kids.  One of the problems with having a blog so long is that I forget if I've written about this or that.  I don't like repeating myself.


Speaking of those kids- no one saw my epic death-defying stunt.  At all.  So obviously, it never happened.  If a bike crashes on the street and no one sees it...  OB knew I was hurt, knew it was bike related, and, being an older brother, made fun of me.  (As I would've had the positions been reversed.)  


In any case, said infection led eventually to a Planter's wart (how??) and in either case left the third visible scar on my body (after the Arrow-Chisel Affair and the Bat-rope Rusty Nail Episode.)


Right- so the Dream.  This dream was unusual in that I didn't have to be somewhere and by going, end up further from my destination.  Also, I wasn't being attacked by someone who I couldn't hurt.  Nor was I being abandoned by a loved one.  No, in this case, I was driving in "Spring City", the dream version of which is older, rotting, and hillier than reality.  I stopped at the intersection of Hall and Church Streets, facing south, when I saw my young self zoom by on the bike, barefoot and yowling like Slim Pickens riding the bomb at the end of Dr. Strangelove.  (I don't remember saying or yelling anything on my escapade.)  I knew that I had to cross the intersection in my car quickly, as that bike was on an endless loop, with each lap increasing speed until... I don't know... I actually get hit?  In the dream, I crossed the intersection, and in the rear view mirror, saw young me on the bike whip past again, face distorted like I was in a 10G dive.  Part of me wanted to stop, and, when I zipped by again, try to grab me from the bike and roll into the preacher's yard.  But- I (older me) was in a dress, and that wouldn't be lady-like, and what if the neighborhood kids saw me in a dress?  I'd get beaten up for sure and they'd tell my parents and...


I woke up.  


Went to the bathroom.  3 am.  Back to bed.  No more dreams for me tonight, thanks, I'm driving!


Looking back now- remembering how I felt careening out of control on that bike- I don't remember being really scared of being killed or maimed or such.  I was scared of getting in trouble for breaking the bike.


Some things never change.




FYI: Out of curiosity, I enlisted a Physics PhD candidate to help me figure out how fast I was going, and impact force had I hit a car on Main St.  By taking measurements on Google earth, and approximate heights from a topographic map, using my approximate weight at the time (plus bike), constant of friction from air and from bike tire on asphalt, he whipped out equations, calculations, and eventually determined that, depending upon certain factors such as how I was sitting on the bike for wind resistance, and tire pressure, by the time I reached Main street I was going somewhere between 40-60 mph, probably on the lower side of that range.  In a car, 35 mph is lethal upon impact, so (checks the numbers in Tefft, 2013), I had a 75-100% chance of serious injury, and a 50-90% chance of death... depending upon various factors.  So me not hitting something at the bottom of the hill was damn lucky.


Be well. 



Tefft, B. C. (2013). Impact speed and a pedestrian's risk of severe injury or death. Accident Analysis & Prevention, 50, 871-878.

Wednesday, September 14, 2022

Inspirations: Victoria Datta

 I was challenged to write something positive, so I thought it was past time to honor another one of the people who inspire me everyday.  


I met Victoria that first night out as Sophie, when I went to a Renaissance meeting and to Angela's Laptop Lounge afterward.  She was (and still is) elegant beyond compare: exotic and aloof.  Also, I learned by asking someone that she was dating one of the Movers and Shakers in the Philadelphia transgender scene- the person who ran the Yahoo group that everyone used for events.  As I don't have permission to name that person, I'll assign her the pseudonym: W.  Victoria was "W's girl" which meant "stay away from her."  I always thought that was a lonely circumstance.  

Victoria

The first few times I saw Victoria, I thought she wasn't trans.  Then I wondered if she was one of the "pros" who would come out of the city to get some "business" from the admirers, but ended up dating W.  I admit: I was intimidated by her beauty, poise, and class.  I could never look that good.


Eventually, W introduced me to Victoria, and I did my best not to be dumbstruck.  Not long after, the local trans community was abuzz- W and Victoria had broken up!  I assume many people started hitting on her directly after, but I never saw her dating anyone.  


Around that same time, my therapist invited me to join a support group, then named "Trans Sans Sition."  Members of this group would become some of my dearest friends.  Victoria was there (in addition to Amy, and Jen L) and always had wise input.  She seemed so very approachable.  Eventually, she suggested the group change its name to Transquility, and so it remains to this day (however it is now virtual.)


Amy and Victoria Keystone 2015


During this time I really learned what an amazing person Victoria is.  Her strength and determination are awe inspiring.  She transitioned on the job at a major company, and was instrumental in writing policies for them concerning transgender employees.  Victoria also presents on that topic at various transgender conferences.  Soon after I came out, I was honored to co-present on the topic, as my company was smaller.  


Through it all, Victoria has been a model of grace, beauty, strength, generosity, and compassion.  I was honored to be invited to her Confirmation Party in May 2014 (which I wrote about here.)  She is a major music lover, including being a mega George Michael fan.  She spoke at my "coming out party" in 2015, and I did my best not to cry (I failed.)  


Debutante Party 2015

I could write so much more about this amazing woman, but I'm sure she'll blush enough at what little I have revealed.  She is a fairly private person.   All that said, the world is so much richer because she's in it, and she has been a guiding light and dear friend for years.


And her beauty still intimidates me,


Thank you for being you, Victoria!  I love you!

  

Tuesday, September 13, 2022

56, Nine, and Forever

As I type this line, it's Monday September 12, 2022.  That means yesterday was the 21st anniversary of the terrorist attacks, and that tomorrow is the anniversary of my birth.  Don't ask me which I think was the bigger disaster.


I've written many times about my opinion of September- I dread it like normal people dread getting a root canal.  Inevitably, the calendar turns, and the month begins though, as time doesn't stop no matter what we try.  So here we are.  


August 2012

All that said, I wrote this letter last night:


Dearest Lisa,

Another year, another anniversary, another slew of letters you'll never see.  I wrote you almost daily in the spring as I tried to sort things out in my broken head.  Not so much lately, as a dull fog descended on me a month or so back, obscuring thought, emotion, and life.  


Ever since I passed my comps, I feel like I've been going in slow motion.  I wonder if you ever felt that way.  You always seemed so in control and way ahead of everything.  You certainly had me fooled- or did you?  After all, your plans and behavior before the execution of those plans fooled everyone.


I can't believe that you left us nine years ago.  Nine fucking years.  In many ways, it still seems like yesterday, but the world has changed so much since you died.  I wonder what you'd think of it.  I wonder how many people still remember you, your smile, and how special you made them feel.  


In any case, another year goes by without you- another year closer to our eventual reunion.  Save me a seat.


I will always love and miss you, Lisa


Yours,


Sophie