Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Anniversaries, Photoshoots and other Milestones

I've been a little busy this week.  Sorry folks!

That said, in some ways it was a good busy.


This week marked three anniversaries for me.  On Wednesday, April 24 was my 20th wedding anniversary.  April 26 was 21 years since getting engaged.  April 25 was 22 years since the day I met my wife.

Only one of those was celebrated.  Go figure.

I signed off both jobs on the 24th, thinking Wife would as well and we could spend the day together.  A few weeks ago, she informed me that she wasn't signing off.  So I had the whole day to myself. 

So what to do?  I decided to give myself a gift.  I scheduled a photo shoot with Amanda Richards at True Colors. A bit selfish?  Yes.  But I was a bit hurt. 

This would be my third actual photo shoot with Amanda, and my first since realizing that I was transitioning.

The first photo shoot with Amanda was in January of 2009.  That's when I first met her.  She was my second photo shoot after Karen at Femme Fever.  Amanda made me feel very comfortable, and I've been going up to her studio ever since. 

(I've also had amazing photo shoots with Lady Ellen and Sofie in New Hampshire)

From the first session

Blondes have more fun?

In September 2010, I had another photoshoot with her, in which I tried different looks- sort of a fantasy thing.  Once again, I had a wonderful time.

Second session darkness

I do?

Since that time a couple of years back, many things about me have changed.  I've lost a lot of weight, and I've started HRT.  But most important, I now understand who and what I am.

I arrived on time at 10 am.  I had a couple of ideas, and Amanda did as well.  We started with a casual look.  Before dressing, Amanda taped my breasts to create great cleavage, over which I put forms.

Yes, due to HRT, I now have noticeable boobs!  :)  I am SO happy.  I've also stopped wearing hip pads.  I'm told my butt is looking more feminine, but I can't tell. 

So, when I was ready, Amanda and I went outside by a creek to take some outdoor pics.  Some of them I absolutely love!

I took a few in ankle boots, then switched to different boots.

We then went inside and tried some different looks.

Before changing completely to something more "professional."  I also tried a different wig with this outfit- a short one.

Normal Sophie look

The glasses were my idea.  Really!

After that, we tried something different.  I went topless (except for the tape) and was covered by a satin sheet.  First, with my usual look...

Then something totally different. 

This was the only time Amanda gave me any "scenarios."  After a few shots with the "new look,"  She said "imagine your lover is at the door, leaving after amazing sex, but you don't want them to leave..."

Lots of pictures.  Then, "Imagine you still feel him inside you"  (Ooo!  Titillating!)

One more set featuring different hand placement...

And it was over. 

Then, I cleaned off the makeup, and she took a couple of drab pictures at my request.

And I went home. 

I felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind.  I had SO much fun!

(I'll be putting the best of the 355 pics up on my Flickr page in time.)

I went directly to the King of Prussia Mall and bought a platinum anniversary band for Wife.  She and my daughter met me at Fridays for dinner (which is where she and I met 22 years ago) and later we went to the exact spot where I proposed to her, got down on a knee and gave her the new ring.

Yes, I'm a romantic.

That weekend, we went into Philly for dinner, just the two of us.  We went to the Devon Seafood Grill and she loved it.  We spoke a bit about my femme side.  She had some questions, which I answered.

So, married Twenty years.  Within the month, I will be telling her that I am going to transition.  And I don't know what will happen after that.

I mentioned some drab pics.  I'm going to use them for various Photoshop projects.  However, there were two pics taken with a specific project in mind.  I did this project yesterday.

Maybe someday I'll post that picture.  I've sent it to a few friends.  It's drab me getting the underside of his chin tickled by casual Sophie.

One looks awkward, broken and tired.  The other is Alive, happy, playful.

One of the people will be disappearing so that the other can Live.

Leaving the other one to her life as it should be.


Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Weather Forecast

What does it mean when a person can only live one day, maybe two days a month?

Short answer is that the Life needs work!

And mine does.

Saturday April 20 was another episode of Renaissance and Laptop Lounge.  As always, I worked until two PM.  Then, as I often do, I headed up to True Colors to see Amanda Richards.  This time there were several reasons, though.

I'd worn this outfit before- last May.  That time, I did my own makeup, and I liked how it turned out.  A Lot.

So this time, same outfit but with Amanda doing the makeup. 

My work on the left, Amanda's on the right

 Amanda was running late, as she had some late clients, but that was fine.  I arrived early and did my nails.  And she did her usual superb job. 

A quick tangent:  I've been asked by some people why I still go to Amanda for makeup when I seem to be doing a good enough job on my own.  Fair question.  Why drive two hours one way and spend all that money?  Simple, really.  First, she is my good friend, and I like going to see her.  I have a blast there.  Corollary to that is it really relaxes me to have my makeup done.  I think of it as pampering.  Second is that every time I go there I learn SOMETHING.  A technique, a color combination... I never leave the same person.  Third, but far from last, is that Amanda supports our community.  And I patronize her business as a "thank you" for that. 

Oh, and I ALWAYS look great when I walk out of her purple door to my car.  At least I think so.

Anyway, I drove to Renaissance watching a beautiful sunset and listening to the Phillies get crushed by the Cardinals. 

I stopped at Ren briefly (and after it started) said "Hi" to couple people, then headed over to Winberies, as I was meeting people for dinner.  The restaurant was crowded, and the people I was meeting were already seated.  A couple of people gave me looks as I went to sit down, but nothing I wasn't used to.  My dinner company were two full time from Transcentral PA in Harrisburg.  I met them at the Keystone Conference, and they were in town for Laptop Lounge.  They were kind enough to invite me to dinner.

Would you invite me to dinner?

Already in the restaurant was a table of four transwomen.  They were receiving some looks, but didn't care either. 

Dinner was nice.  A guy at the neighboring table (looked like an extended family of seven) kept looking at me and at other transwomen as they came in.  He commented to his family "Why are they allowed in here?"  "What is that?" and similar expressions of that sort.  He said it quietly enough, but, unfortunately for him, I read lips. 

I didn't care.  He wasn't going to ruin my night.

Eventually, our group migrated to the bar.  My amazing friend Lisa Empanada then made her entrance.  She announced a couple of days earlier on Facebook that she was transitioning.  I was SO happy for her, and bought champagne for a toast.  She mentioned buying a dessert on FB, so she did this and we shared a banana creme pie.  Lisa's strength is an inspiration!

While at the bar, I bumped into Dr. Michelle Angello.  I told her about the guy at that table.  She asked what I thought about it.  I told her my armor was very thick and his comments just bounced right off.  She smiled.  I bought her a glass of wine.

This was my first Laptop at Winberies.  I had a wonderful time, and caught up with several people.

As usual, I had a room at the Motel 6.  This time, I shared it with one of the TCPA people: Hayden.   Get your mind out the gutter- he was a perfect gentleman!   He was staying over, and allowed me to change and shower there.

I found changing in front of him a little awkward, but not for the reason you'd expect.  I was always at least partially clothed, and he HAD previously seen me in drab mode (on Sunday at Keystone.)  I just did not want to change back to drab at all.  Ever.

After removing some of the makeup, I jumped into the shower.  I started washing my hair, then stopped and was overcome with sadness.  It just wasn't fair that I had to "change" to live my life.  Why can't I just be me forever?  My eyes welled up.

After my shower, Hayden was kind enough to answer some of my questions about being a transman.  I didn't realize how expensive the accouterments are for that!  There's compression shirts (I'll need that soon!), and the, um, parts below come in so many different types with different functions and they're all so damn pricey!

I eventually was back in drab and packed everything.  I told Hayden I'd be stopping at Wawa for food, and he asked to join me.  This guy eats more than Shaggy and Scooby combined!  We drove over and got food. 

 We ate in the parking lot (as I always do) then I took him back to the motel.  He noticed I was a little down, and I mentioned that I was feeling bad about having to be drab.  He said "You're still Sophie.  I still see Sophie right now.  You're just toned down."

I've been thinking of his words.  And I thought of a metaphor.  I am Shining when I'm Sophie, like a sun on a beautiful summer day.  When I'm in drab, that sun is STILL there, but it's obscured by clouds.
Waiting Patiently

And to quote Bruce yet again:

I'm waitin', waitin' on a sunny day
Gonna chase the clouds away
Waitin' on a sunny day
Right now it's Mostly Cloudy with a chance of rain.  Soon it will be Partly Cloudy.  Someday it will be that Blessed Sunny Day.  No clouds.

Just the Sun.  My Dawn.


Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Movie night... at a Church

Wow- getting that last entry finished really took a LOT out of me.  Sort of like therapy. 

In any case, this time the topic is far lighter, and fun.

Last Friday was Movie night for this chick.  The movie was "Trans" and it was shown at  Main Line Unitarian Church in Malvern, PA.  The hostess and facilitator was my therapist, Dr. Maureen Osborne

I own a copy of the movie, and have seen it several times. So why go?  Well after the movie was going to be a Q&A and discussion.  I wanted to be there to hear the questions and maybe help answer a couple.

Oh, and it was a night out as Me. 

I asked my Wife about going, and she consented.  I invited her along, but she wanted no part of it. 

I decided to dress casually.  But I wouldn't have a place to change.  No place to change meant no place to do makeup.  I called Amanda Richards, but she was booked.  What to do?

Well, the local MAC store does makeup, as do the MAC counters at several department stores at the King of Prussia Mall.  And Kristyn, the president of Renaissance, has told me several times how she goes to the MAC people in Nordstroms, and that they are not just welcoming, but supportive of Transpeople.

So I called and made an appointment.  There was a $50 reservation fee, which you could use to purchase Mac products when finished.  My appointment was 5:15 PM Friday.

Friday was cold, rainy and quite windy.  Typical spring weather for around here really.  "April Showers bring May flowers.  And Mayflowers bring pilgrims."

I changed mostly at my storage site.  Hose, jeans, corset, bra, black top, my drab sneakers.  No breast forms.  Wore my bulky drab coat over it to disguise what I was wearing.  Then drove to Valley Forge Park, and parked to finish dressing and apply foundation and contouring.  Oh and my wig. 

I parked near to Nordstroms, put on sunglasses and walked in.  I remember how nervous I was my first time walking into the mall alone.  This time, I could care less.  No problem- no fear.

Progress!  :)

I went to the MAC counter, where only one person was working.  She was busy!  And she couldn't find my reservation in her book.  I showed her my emailed receipt.  As she was alone, she would work with me while helping other customers.  Someone from another counter offered to help, and she asked them to ring up a couple of people "while I take care of him."  It was her only slip up, and as she was so busy, I didn't care.

So when she was ready, I sat in her chair and she went to work.  The MAC counter is right near the entrance to the mall.  And yet, no fear.  Anyone I knew could've walked by.  But they wouldn't have been looking for me, and definitely not looking for me dressed as a Woman, so I just didn't worry.  I sat back, enjoyed the time, and learned a bit.

The MAC makeup seat is obscured by the sign. I've labelled the spot.

We talked about several different topics of no consequence.  She kept stopping to help others, so the makeup took quite some time.  When it was finished, I bought a few things and headed out... and noticed I'd lost an earring.

Not just any earring- one of the only real gold earrings I own.  Dammit!  So back to my storage space to get different earrings.  Then off to Kristyn's to drop off some things and change into my long denim skirt.  She had no plans, so I invited her to join me.  So off we went through the pouring rain to the church.

Subtle.  I like it!

The church was quite nice- a modern looking building.  We hustled in from the pouring rain, and then followed the sound of voices to a large room where the movie was going to be shown on a blank wall.  There were maybe 25 people there, including six transpeople (counting me.)   One of whom was "L," who I've known for years, but not well.  I've always admired her.  She's always struck me as so intelligent and self assured.

I enjoyed watching the movie with people.  Movies are better shared.

After the movie, the cisgender people had some very good questions, which Dr. Osborne usually handled.  Occasionally, one of us transwomen would answer one or relate a pertinent experience.

After the official part ended, several people stayed around and I spoke to a few of them.  One of them, an older man, kept shaking his head and saying "You are so brave.  So brave."  I thanked him, and said it wasn't about courage alone, it was about truth.  The Courage to be True to yourself.   And those that live through this process are True survivors.  A bit melodramatic?  Maybe.  Doesn't mean it isn't the truth.

Drama Queen "I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille!"

The event ended.  It was still pouring rain.  Kristyn and I decided to go to Ruby Tuesdays, as we knew it was open and safe.  We invited L, but she couldn't come.  So off we went in the rain to Ruby's, where we sat at the bar.  Only one customer even looked at us funny.  The staff are used to transpeople coming in, and as always were very friendly and efficient. 

We stayed until closing and beyond as there were many people still eating.  Then off into the rainy night.  I changed and cleaned up at Kristyn's and went back to my un-True life.

But not for long- this Saturday is Renaissance and Laptop Lounge.  I'll be out and about again. 

Soon, not soon enough though, I will be full time.  And changing back and forth will be a memory.

I had lunch with my "Big Sis" Mel today.  Among other things, we discussed the events of Friday night.  She laughed and said "You have *alls!"  She thinks my going out as Me to public places is something she couldn't have done at my current stage of this journey.  I keep telling her, and myself, that I need to go out as me to these places if I'm every going to be a Woman Full Time. 

"To Transition: The Dream.  Ay, there's the rub. For with the Transition what dreams may come when we've shuffled off this untrue body must give us pause..."

Hmmm... somehow I don't think Billy S is quaking in fear of my writing talents...  ;)


Saturday, April 13, 2013

A Tale Never Before Told

I mentioned several times that I am one of the large percentage of Transfolks to consider suicide.

But there is a part of the story I've never told anyone.  Not in my drab world.  Nowhere.  Ever.  The only ones who know this story were directly involved.  And Therapists.  Come to think of it, I don't even think my current therapist knows the whole story.

22 1/2 years later, I'm going to write about it, as maybe someone somewhere will be helped by it.

Stranger things have happened.

Looking back.  Photo of me by Lady Ellen

Back in mid-September 1990, my fiancee (X) and I broke up as she cheated on me.  In early October, we got back together.  However, she'd already arranged a trip to Florida to see the "other guy."  He was a naval aviator stationed at Pensacola NAS.  She said she would go (as the tickets were non-refundable) and tell him she was staying with me. 

And when she returned, she hadn't done that.  So I ended it again.

On Halloween night, I called X from a party I was attending (thrown by a co-worker,) as she had asked me to do.  She knew all of my coworkers and was thinking of coming to the party.  Instead of giving her directions to the party (this was before cell phones were wide-spread, and GPS didn't exist for civilians) I got the dreaded "We need to talk."

As we weren't dating anymore, I didn't see why, but agreed.  We met at my parents' house the next night, November 1.  Yes, I was still living at home, as I couldn't find a job that paid enough for me to move out.

She told me she was in love with the Other Guy.  I was beyond angry.  I shouldn't have cared but I did.  I punched the wall, leaving a large hole... and my hand broken.  Boxer fracture.  Embarrassing, as I have training on how to throw a punch.

Oh.  By the way- that REALLY hurt.

She left.  I splinted my hand.  Back then I was still a paramedic.  I went down to the kitchen and sat at the table to write her a letter.  It was going to be a "goodbye" letter, which I was going to mail.  She would receive it after...

I couldn't write as the pain was so great.  I wrote a paragraph.  The cliched "By the time you read this, I'll be dead..."

I'd been planning my death for a while.  Since our original breakup, actually.  My method was to be rat poison poured into a bottle of Southern Comfort, and then I keep drinking the SoCo until....  Back then, SoCo is what I drank, and I drank a LOT of it.  I was going to do this in Valley Forge Park, where I wouldn't be found until it was far too late.  I knew many places I could hide there.

It's hard to put into words the Darkness I felt. It was almost like tunnel vision. All I could see ahead in my life was pain. Pain for myself and all those I knew. They'd thank me for getting myself out of their lives, then promptly forget about me. And I'd be out of Pain. Blessed sleep. Release.

It occupied my every waking moment and ruled by dreams by night. In that way, it was like my Gender Identity now. But in the fall of 1990, all I could think about was death.

The poison was in my car.  The bottle was in my room. 

My mom came home from work and saw me trying to write and my splinted hand.  She asked what happened.  I told her I broke my hand.  She took me to the emergency room.

The nurse asked me how I broke my hand.  I told her I punched a wall.  What I didn't realize in my mental state is that my mom read the note while we were speaking.  And she told the nurse.

I could see the nurses' station from where I sat waiting for the X-rays to come back.  I saw four blue-shirted ambulance workers walk into my view and sit at the station.  I knew the protocol.  I knew what it meant.

"You mother says you are suicidal," the nurse said in a quiet monotone.  "Is this true?"  I said it was.  And that had I not come to the emergency room, I'd already have done it.  (Never mind that with a broken right hand it would've been VERY difficult to shift the gears in my car, but I wasn't thinking clearly.)

The doctor entered the room with the X-rays in an envelope.  He turned to me and said "You have two choices.  You can go to the Paoli Psychiatric unit voluntarily or involuntarily."

I looked at the ambulance crew, who were doing their best not to look at me.  "I don't have a choice do I?" I said.

"Not really" the doctor said.

He handed the X-rays to one of the ambulance crew.  They'd set my hand at Paoli, he said.  I was securely strapped to a gurney and taken to the ambulance, then off into the night.  It was after 3 AM, Friday November 2.

Back then, Pennsylvania had laws concerning voluntary vs involuntary commitment to a mental hospital.  If you went voluntarily, the longest they could hold you was 72 hours before they would have to provide a reason to keep you to a court of law.  I thought the 72 was mandatory.  Involuntary meant you were there until a doctor cleared you for release and a court approved it.  That usually meant a long term stay.

I think the laws have since changed.

In any case, I was led to a room.  There was a man in there asleep already.  I was told quietly that the other bed was mine, and that I should get some sleep.  I cried until dawn.  I couldn't believe it had all come to this.  Me in a mental hospital.  Not dead, like I desperately needed to be.

Sometime after dawn I heard two people at the door.  They had come to wake me for breakfast, which was mandatory.  One said to the other that I was a "late night check in" so I could be allowed to sleep. 

They never correctly set my hand.  They assumed Phoenixville did it, and wouldn't believe me when I said they didn't.  It took many years for me to get the strength back in that hand, and I still feel pain there in wet weather. 

They ordered me to shower.  I'd been letting my appearance slide, which is common for suicidal people.  After the shower, I saw my first doctor.  Then a clinical therapist.  Then another.. and another... and they all asked me to go over the story again.  And again.

I poured my heart out to all the doctors and therapists and social workers there, to so many different ones, over and over, until I could get the whole story out without crying. 

I told them about the relationship failure.  About the abuse; mental, physical, and emotional, at the hands of my parents.  Everything... except about being Trans.  I had it buried so deeply that discussing it wasn't even a consideration.

I refused all medications. Why? Well... you're going to laugh. Back in 1987, I read a 3 part Spiderman story where he was committed to a mental hospital and kept so doped up he couldn't think. I didn't want that to happen to me. I wanted my wits about me. So- no drugs.

I called the restaurant where I worked and told them I wouldn't be at work that night, and why.  I asked them to keep it quiet. 

Saturday November 3 was a good friend's wedding.  I was asked to drive in it.  He was the first of my "high school friend group" to marry.  I received permission to call him on the 2nd and tell him I would not be attending.  I told him why.  Apparently, X called one of that group saying I was out of control, and he alerted others.  The Groom searched Valley Forge Park for my car, hoping to find me there.  (Everyone knew how much time I spent there back then.)  They were also all aware of my suicidal thoughts.  They didn't find me and feared me dead.

That night (the 2nd) my parents arrived to visit, and the doctor told them what I told him.  So they knew my opinion of their parenting skills.  I have no idea what the doctor concluded to them.

Saturday was an absolutely beautiful day.  I stared out the four inch wide window (with wire reinforced glass) and thought about the wedding I was missing.  The doctors called X, and asked her to come to the hospital.  I couldn't leave until I confronted her. 

I spent the time either talking to staff or playing Hearts with other "guests."  My roommate had casts on both of his hands.  He was a Brit in his 60s, and had cut his wrists so deeply that he severed tendons  and even hit bone.  He didn't remember doing it, and had no idea how he did it.  He'd been there for over a month at that point.  I don't remember his name.

X arrived in the late afternoon.  We sat on my bed and she cried.  She told me that she called my mom the afternoon before, and that my mom bitched her out, blaming everything on her.  Not entirely accurate, but there it was.  She couldn't stay long, as she was going out that night.  On a date.

That's compassion for you.

Saturday night, a 15 year old boy was admitted.  His parents put him there "for no reason" he said.  I don't remember much about him except that he really was "out there."  I knew he would be in that ward for a while.

Sunday morning, my case was reviewed by a doctor, who said they had no reason to hold me there as I was "no longer a danger to myself."  I would be discharged that afternoon.

That morning I had to attend an "art therapy" session.  We were all told to draw a bridge.  I drew a suspension bridge, as I was always fascinated by them.  One of the session facilitators, a psych student in a local university, then proceeded to give all these reasons why I drew THAT bridge and this and that and circles and arrows on the back of each one explaining which each one was to be used as evidence against us.  Total Bullshit.  And I told him so- sometimes a drawing is just a drawing.  He didn't like that.   Kid is probably living in a mansion somewhere now with a private practice.  That's scary.

At 4:14pm that day, I walked through the unlocked doors of the ward with my parents and went home. Funny how I remember the exact time all these years later.  I had a cast on my arm.  I told co-workers that I fell down the stairs on an ambulance call.

My dad used this experience as a weapon against me for quite some time after that.  He would bring it up whenever he didn't agree with a course of action I'd chosen.

I didn't speak to X again for nearly eight years.  She married the "Other Guy" that May, before she graduated college.  They divorced a few years later.  She later married a lawyer and they live in a mansion on the Main Line.  2 daughters.  We are friendly now.  She occasionally visits me at my one job.

After being discharged, I went to a few therapy sessions with one of the doctors there.  All he wanted to do was talk football.  Totally useless, so I stopped.  I would return to therapy in the late 1990s for depression. 

And eventually, I discovered the reason behind all the Anger, the Pain, the Darkness.

And I'm headed on a long Journey towards the light.  My light.  My life as it should be.

I am a Woman.

Still Crazy after All These Years

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Fiction: "The New Girl"

The New Girl

By Sophie Lynne


            George had a secret, deep and dark.  It was so dark that if discovered it would probably cost him his job, career and even most of his friends.  Yeah that bad.

            George was a crossdresser.

            He didn’t want to, really, but he couldn’t stop.  It just felt right.  Knowing what his compulsion could cost him, he was careful.  Very careful.

            George worked at a very conservative investment firm where he wore a tie all day and helped people on the phone.  He loved helping people, but he hated all the corporate politics, and he HATED wearing a tie.

            The one thing that brightened his day at work was Nikki.  She worked in the next cubicle and was so nice to him.  She had a boyfriend she’d been seeing for years but they didn’t live together.  That would be improper after all.  Nikki talked to George about her boyfriend a lot.  George just loved looking at her. 

            Nikki was pretty, maybe five foot six inches tall with jet black hair, nice legs, slim hips and huge DD breasts.  They made her very self conscious so she did her best to cover and conceal them.

            Nikki also had a secret.  Yes, she had a boyfriend but she also had another guy she was seeing on the side.  He made her feel so alive and dangerous.  Only one person knew her secret: George.  After all- he introduced them at a party.


            On a bright sunny spring day, George and Nikki sat at the nearby McDonalds having lunch together as they often did. 

            “George, did you ever wish you could be in two places at once, or maybe two different people?” Nikki said, quietly.

            “Mmhmm,” George said.  “All the time.”

            “Really?  Why”

            “You first.”

            “Well, I feel it should be obvious.”

            George nodded.  “I sort of wish my life could be different.”

            Nikki answered with a weak smile.  What they couldn’t know was that something was listening- something very, very old.


            Two nights later, George was in his female persona: Gina.  She was at a trans-friendly bar with some friends, having drinks and enjoying the short time she had dressed as a woman.

            “I’m telling you, Jen, Nikki would make so much money working at Hooters.  I don’t know why she doesn’t!” Gina said.

            Jen sipped on her Sauvignon Blanc.  “Maybe she doesn’t want to be debased, abused and to be a piece of meat on display,” she said.

            “But think of the money! If I had a body like hers, I’d do it in a heartbeat!”

            Jen smirked and pointed at the large breasts under Gina’s pink blouse. 

            “If your breast forms were any bigger, you could work there without her body.”

            Gina crossed her Black Mist nylon encased legs and swung her black pump from her foot.

            “Can I help I know what I want to be?” She straightened her gray skirt and took a drink of the Cosmo she’d been nursing.

            “Wanting and being are two different things, girl,” Jen said.  “Oh shit, here comes Andy.”

            Andy was a short, stout man in his late sixties with a trimmed white beard, bald head, rumpled shirt and he smelled of cheap cigars.  Andy had a definite thing for women with big breasts- and if they were t-gurls it was even better for him!

            “Hey hey gals!” Andy said, his eyes never leaving Gina’s chest.

            “Hi Andy.  My eyes are up here,” Gina said.

            “Can I buy you gals a drink?” Andy said.

            Gina and Jen both held up their mostly full drinks and said flatly “No thanks.”

            “I’m having a small party at my place next Saturday.  I’d love it if you could…come,” Andy said winking.

            “I already have plans, thanks” Gina said. 

            Andy smiled and turned around to see Jessica.  Tonight was Jessica’s first time out dressed.  She wore little makeup and was very unsure of herself. 

            “Wow!  Look at her!” Andy said.  “I’ve never seen her before!”

            Gina looked at Jennifer and was immediately afraid.  “Leave her alone Andy.  She’s a new girl and doesn’t need you anywhere near her!” Gina said.

            “Aww you’re no fun.  C’mon, Gina gimmie a kiss!” Andy said.

            “I wouldn’t kiss you if you were the only guy left on Earth!” Gina said.  Andy frowned and headed to the men’s room.  Gina and Jennifer went over to Jessica and didn’t leave her side for the rest of the night.  Jessica was happy for someone to talk to, and didn’t realize Andy was on the prowl.


            Nikki was out with her boyfriend Steve, bored and wishing the dinner would end.  He was a good guy- considerate and he worshipped the ground she walked upon… but he was too nice for her tastes.  She preferred Karl and his talented tongue and his dismissive air.  He would treat her like a whore and throw her out of his place after they had sex.  It drove her wild!

            She smiled to herself as Steve paid the check.


            Monday was rainy and cold.  George managed to arrive at work on time, but Nikki was late yet again.  Many people were late that day as the roads were wet and there were so many accidents, but Nikki was always late.  In fact, if she were late one more time, she’d be fired.

            Nikki ran to her desk, her umbrella dripping.

            Oh my God oh my God oh my God I’m so dead!” she said.

            A moment later, their manager Chaz, in his impeccable suit, came over. 

            “Nichole! Why aren’t you logged into your computer?”

            “I’m sorry, Chaz, but…”

            “She’s been helping me with a difficult 401K conversion, sir.  It’s my fault,” George said.

            Nikki smiled.  “Yes, he was wondering how some Fidelity funds convert into ours,” she said.

            Chaz looked at George’s screen, and on it were a list of 401k funds.

            “Ok.  Just log in NOW please, Nichole,” he said.

            “Yes sir!” and she did.

            She then leaned over and gave George a kiss on the cheek.

            “Thanks!  I owe you one!”

            George smiled and turned to look at his schedule for the day, which included his CPR refresher course.  Everyone at his company was required to know CPR.  At least it meant a few hours off the phone.

            The watching spirit, older than the trees and rocks, smiled and nodded.


            Thursday night happy hour at the local Irish pub meant cheap wings and not as pricey beer.  Nikki invited George to join her and Steve for some drinks.  Steve was an engineer who worked near the bar, and he had a round waiting when they arrived. 

            They talked about work, about people they knew, and whatever.  When the conversation turned to baseball, George noticed Karl at the bar with his buddy Tom.  Karl- the guy Nikki was… well, Karl.

            “I’ll be back in a sec,” Nikki said, standing. 

            “Never could hold too much beer!” Steve said, laughing.

            “Ha Ha” she said, sarcastically.

            As Nikki walked toward the corridor heading toward the rest rooms, George saw Karl leave the bar and head that way as well.

            George took a gulp of beer.

            Steve sighed.

            “Mind if I ask you a question?” Steve said.

            “No, go ahead.”

            “Answer me honestly.  I won’t be mad.”

            “Umm ok.”

            “Is it you?” Steve said.


            “Are you the one she’s seeing behind my back?”

            George looked stunned.

            “No, no I’m not.  I didn’t know…”

            “Yeah, I think she is.  I can just tell.  We’ve been together a few years and I can just…”  Steve drank a gulp of beer.

            George felt really bad for him.  “Steve is a really stand-up guy,” George thought. “He deserves better.”

            The Spirit watched as George paid his check and left Steve alone at the table as Nikki and Karl made out in the stairwell.


            Friday night found George at the mall looking for shoes.  After all, a girl can never have too many shoes!  He bought a nice pair of strappies, and was headed back to his car when a saw a commotion up ahead near the food court.


                                    “Does anyone know CPR?”

            “I know CPR” George said and people parted to let him in.  Lying on the floor was Andy- Pervert Andy- pale and not breathing.


            George thought about his CPR class.  Umm ABC- airway, breathing, circulation… he checked Andy’s pulse- nothing.  George then tilted Andy’s neck back and gave him two quick breaths down into his lungs.  Eww!  Andy had Garlic breath!

            After a minute, a mall employee arrived with the mall’s Auto-Defibrillator and George helped put it on Andy.  The shock to the heart worked- Andy’s heart started beating again.

            Everyone was happy and cheering as the paramedics arrived.  George turned to pick up the bag with his new shoes, but they were gone.

            Nikki told Steve she was going out with the girls, but she lied.  Instead, she was at a downtown club with Karl.


            The Ancient Spirit saw all of this and decided that it needed to do something- that a person who gave of himself so much should be rewarded somehow.


            George decided to drown his sorrows and went to the local Hooters bar.  He didn’t have enough money to replace the shoes, but he had enough for an order of wings and a couple of beers.  He sat at the bar and watched the baseball game on TV as he stewed over his bad fortune and as his wings arrived.

            Nikki’s back hit the wall hard as Karl kissed her savagely.  Oh God how she loved this!  Unconsciously her right leg lifted and wrapped around Karl’s. 

            George felt a tingling in his lips.  “That’s weird,” he thought.  “These wings are hot, but not THAT hot!”

            His legs also tingled.  Unconsciously his right leg wrapped around the leg of the bar stool and his foot caressed it.

            Karl caressed Nikki’s shoulders as they kissed, and George’s shoulders tingled as they became duplicates of hers: feminine, soft and beautiful.  As Nikki unconsciously thrust her hips against Karl’s, George’s hips moved forward, slowly expanding against his tightening pants.

            Nikki stopped and said “No- not here.  Not here.”

            “Aw come on!  No one will know!” Karl said, caressing her face.

            George’s cheeks tingled and softened.  “What’s wrong with me?” he wondered.

            “Is Jack home?”  Nikki asked.

            “No, he’s away for the weekend,” Karl said.

            Nikki smiled, and then Karl did as well.  He held her face in his hands, kissed her passionately.  He then pressed the tip of his nose with his finger.

            “Beep!” he said.

            George’s whole face tingled and became beautifully feminine, especially his now cute nose.

            Nikki and Karl turned to leave the club, and Karl gave her a playful smack in the butt.

            George’s butt plumped to be an exact duplicate of Nikki’s.  His strained pants ripped loudly.

            “What the hell!” George said

            He looked down to see his tattered pants and quickly jogged to the men’s room which was fortunately only a few steps away.  He didn’t notice the new sway to his hips as he moved.  He quickly ducked into the only stall in the room and examined the damage to his pants.

            He ran his hands over his now curved hips and felt his feminine butt.  Holy shit!  He burst out the door and looked at the mirror.

            Looking back was a familiar yet completely feminine and beautiful face.  His short hair looked so out of place.  His mouth dropped open as did the face in the mirror.  His soft curving shoulders led to his still manly flat chest, but his hips flared out beautifully.  His legs were hairless and sexy under his torn pants and his shoes were way too big.

            Karl drove Nikki back toward his apartment.  He took her hand and kissed it.  George felt his hands tingle and shrink, becoming dainty and feminine.  His nails grew a quarter inch past his finger tips and became beautifully done with a French manicure.

            George stared at his hands, his pretty eyes wide in amazement.  His arms tingled and slimmed as Karl caressed Nikki.  Karl’s hand then went to Nikki’s hair, which he caressed and ran through his fingers.  She smiled and purred like a cat, then laughed.

            George’s hair grew dramatically, falling about his shoulders in a sudden auburn wave.  His surprise became delight!  This was his dream come true, just not in the men’s…

            The door opened and George jumped into the stall again.  He heard someone spit into the urinal, then the sound of someone peeing.

            George couldn’t help it- he caressed his now long beautiful hair.  He laughed to himself.  As he did, he felt his neck tingle and lengthen just a little as Nikki received a one-handed neck rub at a stop light.  The laugh changed from a deeper masculine one to a light feminine giggle.  The man at the urinal looked at the stall, then smiled.

            “Someone was getting lucky” he thought.

            George put his hands over his mouth in surprise.  It didn’t matter how happy he was- what was happening to him?  And why?  And…

            His left hand caressed his hair as his right reached into his ruined pants.  Hmmm.  Still male.  How was he going to explain this at work?  To his friends?

            Nikki and Karl ran to the elevator of his apartment building, pressed the button and waited, smiling at each other.

            George looked at his legs and hands as he heard the urinal flush and the door open and close.

            “That guy didn’t wash his hands!  Eww!” he thought as he opened the door to the stall.

            Facing him in the mirror was a beautiful woman with gorgeous auburn hair and grey eyes.

            “But I’m not a woman” George said quietly, testing his new voice.  His feminine hands caressed his still manly chest and his crotch, which responded by getting hard.

            “What will I do?”

            The door opened again and George jumped back into the stall.  Heavy footsteps.  A loud fart.  The stall door shook.

            “Hey, you gonna be long?” a gruff voice said.

            Oh shit!  George did his best to lower his voice.

            “Gimmie a minute.  Just got here m-self.

            “Shit.  Hurry up!  Gotta go bad.”

            George couldn’t explain it, but the man’s deep voice suddenly sounded kind of sexy to him.  He heard the bathroom door open and close as the guy left.


            On the elevator, Karl’s advances were stopped by Nikki.

            “Ah-ahhh! Wait just a couple of minutes so we can have some privacy!”  Having control over the independent Karl was turning her on immensely.


            “What to do? What to do? And why don’t I have tits?”


            Karl fumbled with his keys while Nikki stood behind him and rubbed his crotch.


            “Can I sneak out without being seen?”


            Karl finally opened his door. He pulled Nikki inside and pushed her against the wall.  In the darkness he kissed her deeply and groped her huge breasts as she groaned.  He caressed her everywhere…


            George’s body tingled all over.  His waist pulled in a little tighter and higher on his body, completing his feminine figure.  He felt a warmth, so very sensual.  He smiled, closed his eyes, writhed and moaned as he swayed his womanly hips.  So turned on!  He didn’t notice the tingling in his chest.

            Small breasts budded, expanding his nipples.  They grew slowly at first, becoming larger and rounder. 

            George felt his chest bounce, opened his eyes and laughed with delight.  He put his hands on his growing breasts and felt their firmness against his tightening shirt.


            Karl threw Nikki to the couch and pulled off her jeans and panties.

            “Oh yes!” she shouted as she pulled off her top.

            Karl quickly undid his pants and pulled off his boxers.


            George looked down and couldn’t believe his eyes!  He had breasts!  Huge ones like… like Nikki’s!  “Oh my God!” he thought.  “How will I…”

            Then it hit him.

            …a warm and trembling tingle as his manhood shrank and withdrew into him.

            Changing, reforming.

            George was no longer a man.  He became his dream- Gina.

            A Woman.

            The Spirit smiled, satisfied.  Just a few loose ends…


            The man reentered the bathroom and banged on the stall door.

            “Hurry the fuck up!”

            Gina opened her eyes and looked at herself.  She could clearly see her cleavage in her tight white tank top, and feel tightness of the white push up bra beneath that.  Her tattered pants were replaced by the signature pantyhose and tight orange shorts of her new uniform.

            Gina was a Hooters Girl!

            She opened the stall door and the guy almost jumped.

            “Uh, ummm” he said.

            “Sorry but you guys need to clean your own messes so I won’t have to!” Gina said, smiling.

            She then strolled out of the men’s room, hips gyrating and breasts bouncing.  Smiling.

            The man stared as the door closed behind her.


            Gina walked over to Brandi, one of the most experienced waitresses on the floor.

            “Ok, that’s finished. It was so gross!” Gina said.

            “That’s why you were chosen to do it!” Brandi said.  “You’re low girl on the totem pole since it’s your first day.”

            Gina rolled her eyes and smiled as they both laughed.

            “Do you think you can handle the next table by yourself?” Brandi asked.

            “Sure!  I’ll try!’

            Gina took her notepad and went to the table just seated- a cute guy sitting alone, oh that can’t be him…


            Steve looked up and saw the stunning auburn haired waitress coming to his table and smiled weakly.  Anything to take his mind off Nikki and her other guy, whoever he was.  And this waitress was definitely hot enough to do that!

            “Hi! Welcome to Hooters! I’m Gina and I’ll be taking care of you today!”

            “Hi! Um, I want a beer,” Steve said.  He couldn’t take his eyes off Gina.  Most Hooters girls were hot, but she had something else…

            “One beer.  Any special kind?” the new girl said, smiling.


            The Spirit decided to do just a little more.  Gina suddenly had a history.  She had documentation; diplomas, an apartment, everything- and she knew it.  She still remembered being George, but now George was gone.


            The next morning, Nikki woke in Karl’s arms.  She didn’t feel right.  She looked down and saw that she didn’t fill out her nightshirt like she should.  She stood and went to the mirror.  Her boobs!  Oh my God her boobs shrank!  They were maybe a B cup now!  How?  What happened?

            Karl stirred and mumbled in his sleep. 

            Nikki dressed and went home, calling a doctor on the way.


            The Spirit smiled and moved on.  Everyone got what they wanted or deserved.  Or both.


            Six months later, Gina sat in a nice restaurant waiting for her guy to return from the men’s room.  She wore her favorite little black dress which showed off her breasts just enough to drive her man wild, black stockings and red pumps (just to be bold!)  She sat pondering how life had changed for her, and for everyone else. 

Steve and Nikki were long broken up.  He found the courage to do it after he met a new girl, and wanted to date her instead.

            Karl lost interest in Nikki very quickly after that night.  He was a breast man after all and hers were gone.  He stopped returning her calls and texts, especially after Steve left her.  Now that new chick Steve was dating- she was hot. He wondered if he could get her from him too…

            Nikki had a rough time for a bit.  The doctors had no explanation for the sudden decrease in her breast size.  She found that some “doors” previously open to her just weren’t there anymore.  She lost her job within a week as she was late and didn’t have George to cover for her.  Poor George!  She wondered what happened to him and hoped it wasn’t bad.

            No one heard from George again.  He was declared missing and would eventually be declared dead. His missing persons file grew cold on a shelf at the local police department.


            Gina was happy.  She was making tons of money as a Hooters girl, and almost was on the calendar!  She also was accepted to graduate school, where she would get a far better start on a career.  Gina started seeing Steve a few weeks after she first waited on him.  He came back a few times to the restaurant, then the chance meeting in the mall where he asked her number.  Steve is happy and he keeps Gina very happy.  In fact, tonight they’re celebrating his birthday and she has a special surprise for him she bought that afternoon at Victoria’s Secret!

            Sometimes nice girls don’t finish last!