Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Happy Birthday?

Summer is gone, and the clammy fall has begun here in southeast Pennsylvania. We’ve had a lot of natural news around here, starting with an earthquake, then with hurricanes, tornados, then we had rain and rain and rain so we had flooding. On one day, you couldn’t get into Philly from the rest of Pennsylvania due to flooding, mudslides, and downed trees.

But at least the Phillies are in the playoffs!

How’s that for a non-sequitor?

So- disasters. Why do I bring them up? Was my outfit last time out THAT bad? Was my birthday such a horrible experience?

Well, here’s the outfit. You be the judge.

Purple Sophie Rides Again!

As for my birthday, it was as fun as it could be. I am of the opinion that birthdays cease to matter after #21. Let’s face it- 30, 40 and the other round numbers are really just occasions for others to make fun of you. (“You’re FORTY?? HA! You’re old!”) Then eventually you’re X years YOUNG.

So I had a birthday a couple weeks back. Biological birthday. My Sophie birthday is Halloween. I’ve been a “woman of a certain age” for a while now. This one was just a little different. Assuming statistics are correct, and I am average in all ways, half of my life is now behind me. I am middle aged.

So is wearing a skirt my version of the mid-life crisis red sports car?

Do I look middle aged to you?

At my age, testosterone levels naturally go down. Add to that, they ALSO go down when you become a father. So I guess low testosterone is to blame for my putting on a bra and lipstick? Perhaps I won’t need T-blockers when my time for hormones comes? Would my tired old equipment thank me for the retirement of an orchiectomy? And can I get them to take out my prostate while they’re in there as a peace of mind sort of thing? After all, I won’t need it after that procedure anyway, right?

I actually celebrated my birthday three times this year. The first time was with co-workers and friends at a local restaurant/bar. A few of my t-friends were invited but only one came, and she came in drab. Probably safer for everyone I guess.

The second time was with my wife. We went out to dinner at a nice place. While there, I took an empty table, and, for Photoshop practice, populated it with several versions of Sophie.

Sophie times Seven!

The third time was kinda just me. The weekend after my birthday was a Laptop lounge. But before I could celebrate, I had to run a gauntlet.

On my way into Laptop from the parking lot (Blue Pacific is in a mall, but with outside access), I had to pass two parked school buses. The busses were full of teens of indeterminate age. They saw me, and the windows slid down and I heard it all:

“WooHoo! Look at you!” “Hey dude! Are you gay?” “Nice tits!”

And all the usual taunts. And laughter. A year ago, that would’ve sent me scurrying back to the car, crushed. But I had grown a lot this past year. I looked at the busses, kissed my hand and slapped that hand to my well padded ass: The universal symbol for “kiss my ass.” I then threw my shoulders back, held my head high, and walked into Blue Pacific proudly. I wasn’t the only one who encountered these wonderful people, who were probably a church group.

Inside, I quietly celebrated as Sophie. I silently rose a glass to my t-friends as it wasn’t Sophie’s birthday (if that makes sense.) I quietly thanked them for being there for me, and for being themselves. And I pondered what this next year would bring for me.

The future isn't clear.  Nor is this picture!

Would this be the year when my wife finally discovered my secret? Or would I find a big girl job and finally move forward to being truly me? Or would it all come crashing down in a perfect storm of homelessness, unemployment, debt and disaster? All the same questions I asked last year.

This year I accomplished the following: I started laser on my face (which is going well, thanks for asking); I expanded my wardrobe options; I attended Trans-health; I presented at the Keystone Conference; and I continued writing for TG Forum and this lil blog. So while I’m not on hormones, nor am I full time, I still made progress as Sophie.

I guess that’s all I can ask for. And a new handbag. Or some diamond earrings. I’m not hard to please. ;)

Friday, September 2, 2011

Trivial things

Here’s a Larry King-esque list of facts about me. (and if you don’t care, why are you reading?) ;)

My original femme name was Lisa Anne. (I’m not counting Lois Lane, which was my Halloween costume that fateful Halloween night.) Under that name, I set up my Yahoo account, which is why my Yahoo addy still has that name. As my flickr is set up under that email, I haven’t bothered to change it.

I changed my name in December of 2008. I went to Femme Fever for my first ever makeover and photo session. Karen asked about my name, and I said it was open to discussion. She looked at me (I was blonde and dressed in a red dress) and said “You should be Sophie. I have a strong feeling about this. You are Sophie.” I never ignore strong feelings. I have been Sophie ever since. I added Lynne because I like the sound of it.

Picture from my first session

My first night at Renaissance was December 2008 as well. I didn’t wear makeup. I felt like a fool. At Laptop lounge after, I wasn’t aware there was a cover. Jone payed it for me. I have bought her many drinks since.

My first time as Sophie in a “non-safe” place was at a rest stop in New York State in 2010. My friend Jen stopped and dragged me in. It was a rest stop/mall. I was nervous as hell!

Me at that rest stop

My first night out as a woman (Halloween 2008), my breasts were birdseed in cut pantyhose. I learned this trick from the internet. I have become a bit better at doing breasts.

Showing off

I had a MySpace page for quite some time as Sophie, but have since cancelled it. I wasn’t using it and I didn’t need it out there waiting to bite me.

I always dreamed of going to a casino and sitting at the tables as Sophie. I’ve been to a small casino twice as part of the Keystone conference, but haven’t played. Vegas, baby! Someday…

At the Casino

Ok, all that is just wonderful. But again- who cares? Well, it’s the little trivia that makes experiences. Moments and experiences build to make up a life. And it’s this life that I write about here in an effort to understand it all. Oh and so you can follow along at home. “Sophie Lynne: the Home game”

We all have the little things that make up our lives. Small dreams, big dreams, and just desires. Some of us dream of finding jobs. Others desire to return to a life of normalcy, albeit in their chosen gender. Many just want to be ourselves. Others want a Porsche. Everyone has their dreams. Many who read this blog share a dream in common and in a way that makes us a family.

Or at least distant cousins? 

And that's not trivial!