Chain Reaction Interview

A couple of weeks ago, I attended the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference (PTHC) held at the Philadelphia convention center.

I went there for two days: Thursday and Friday.

On Thursday, I volunteered to work a shift at the Equality Pennsylvania table with two wonderful friends, Beth and Lilia.  A bonus was finally meeting Daye Pope of that organization.  I thought she was quite nice, but I don't think she was too impressed with me.  Oh well.

I bumped into so many people, including many Vanity Club sisters.  Among them were the legendary JoAnne Carroll, who is currently President of Trans-Central PA, who run the Keystone Conference.  I also ran into my dear friend, the gorgeous Kimberly Moore, who was there running a table for TAVA (Transgender American Veterans Association).

Me, Kimberly Moore, Joanne Carroll

Part of the festivities was the raising of the Transgender Flag at Philadelphia City Hall.  Many people from the conference walked the couple of blocks to see this, including me.  As everyone waited in antici...

*SAY IT*

...pation, Molly Daly, a reporter from KYW News Radio 1060 was conducting interviews.  I was one of the people she selected.  I'm told that part of what I said was broadcast the next day, but I didn't hear it.  There was also a small news item on their web site.

Screen capture.  See me?

Molly Daly interviewing me.  Photo by Christina Tali Warburton

More on this later.

During the conference, I heard that National Geographic Magazine had a booth set up for pictures.  Another transwoman and I (whom I will not name) walked to the booth, only to discover that they were only interested in Trans Youth.  I guess we older folks don't matter.  Anyway, we all got to talking and the other TG and I started discussing our suicide attempts.  Casually.  Like we were talking about our first cars or something.  When, where, method...  And it occurred to me how common it was for TGs to have suicide attempts.  So common that it's assumed among us that we've all tried.  Horrifying.

Anyway, I had dinner with several people, including Joanne, Kimberly, the amazing Julie C, and Rebecca Juro, who was a delight!  Several people couldn't finish their pizza, so I decided to take it home to feed my roomie/bestie Linda (the Pizza Nut.)  However, walking back to the car along with Kimberly and Joanne, we passed some homeless people.  I decided to give the pizza to them.  Linda could feed her damn self!  (hee hee)  Then, it was the long drive out of the city to home.

The next day, Linda and I drove in together.  We saw many more people, including VC Sister Kelly Metzger.  Kelly was less than a week away from having THE dream come true.  (I hope she is recovering well!)  :)

4 VC Sisters:  Kimberly, Kelly, Linda, some fat chick

We walked around a bit.  That night, Kimberly stayed with us.  One the way out of town, we stopped at Valley Forge Park, where Kimberly had never been.  We drove around and I gave her the brief tour.  And of course, there had to be pictures.

Kimberly and Linda at the Valley Forge Chapel

We then went back to the apartment, freshened up and went to dinner at one of Linda and I's favorite places:  Rock Bottom.  Drinking and more pictures ensued.

Dramatic Selfie, my view

Then to another haunt:  McKenzies.

At McKenzies

Then back to the apartment, where we listened to music, drank, and talked until 2 AM.  The next morning, Kimberly was up early to get back to her table at PTHC.  She seemed to be moving a bit slowly.  Can't imagine why.

Ok.  Fast forward a few days.  I received a message from Nellie Fitzpatrick, Director of LGBT Affairs for Philadelphia City Government.  I never met her, but she apparently heard of me.  You see, a reporter reached out to her, trying to find me.  Stu Bykofski of the Philadelphia Daily News heard my bit on the radio and was intrigued enough to find me.  He wanted to know more.  So last Friday, I drove back down to Philly for an interview.  As I arrived very early, I decided to walk the two blocks down to Independence Hall.  In heels.  In the heat.

I've done smarter things.

So I showed up to the interview all sweaty, and looking my best (eye roll.)  Oh, and he neglected to mention that there would be a photographer.  Great.

So, he had many prepared questions, and follow ups if needed.  I gave him contact information for a few people, including Linda and Wife.  The interview lasted an hour and twenty minutes, after which, we found the photographer.

He was a staff photographer with the newspaper, and had been one for over thirty years.  He looked like an old hippie, and he walked with a shuffle. He had a look to his eyes that he was a person who had seen a LOT in his time, and now he was stuck with the unenviable assignment of trying to make me look human.  He was quite nice, and he took pictures for twenty some minutes, after which we parted ways.  I drove back home, coated in sweat.  I haven't seen the pictures yet.

After it all

The article will see print Friday.  If I remember, I will link to it.

Oh who am I kidding?


In any case, I don't know where this could lead.  I know this will be published on-line as well.  I know better than to look at the comments... but can I resist?

Maybe I'll get more speaking gigs.  More writing jobs.  Maybe rainbow colored unicorns will come flying out of my ass.

Who knows?

If nothing else, I had a wonderful time making new friends and catching up with old ones.

Be well!

Random Sophie Pic taken minutes before posting this

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Sophie's P&L Statement, 2013

P&L.  That's business jargon for "Profit and Loss."  ("BS Bingo" anyone?)  I decided that I'm going to judge whether or not 2013 was a good or bad year in a purely analytical sense.  Coldly.  Dispassionately.  Without feeling.  Vger seeks the creator.

Sorry, got carried away.

Celebrating 2014 at the Raven. 

Makeup and Hair by Linda Lewis

2013 is over.  Finished.  In the books.  And I must say that in many ways, it was the worst year of my life.  But was it?  Let's find out.  I will rate each on points.  1 (meh) to 5 (Incredibly Major).  Then  I'll total the results.

Positives:

Completed ARD Program                           3
Attended Keystone Conference                   3
Attended Southern Comfort                        4
Met several of my inspirations                    3
Came out to several friends                         3
Cousin Anne accepted me                           3
Lisa Empanada's Affirmation Party            5
Elected to Vanity Club                                3
Parents accepted me                                    4

Negatives:

70 Hour Weeks at Poverty Wages              3
Inability to find a new job                          3
JoAnne Roberts' Death                               4
Wife decided she can't stay with me.         5
Thrown out of MIL's House                       5
Alone on Birthday                                      3
Lisa Empanada's Death                              5
Lisa's Funeral                                             4
The Darkness that followed                       5
"Whatsit"                                                    2

Ok, so those are the majors.   And the totals?

2013 taught me how low I could sink and survive.  And it also taught me that I AM on the right path.  For me.  It's amazing the losses I've suffered.  It's amazing the Joys I've experienced.  I've made some amazing friends this year... and lost my Sister. 

As the countdown to 2014 rolled to zero, I couldn't help but think that I didn't want the year to end.  I felt like I was leaving Lisa behind.  2014 would be a year without her- she Lived in 2013.  I expressed this to Sandy and she felt the same.  As did my cousin Anne, but about her mother.  Life continues without our loved ones.

With Sandy, New Years Eve

I'm still learning to live without Lisa.  Hell, I'm still learning how to Live.

So it's 2014, and the situation is as follows:  I am living at my friend M's at her charity.  I am all but full time as a woman.  I see my daughter once or twice a week, and I have to tell her soon.  Wife thinks I should wait until it's almost time.  Time.  March 25 is the target.  Why?  It's when I leave for the Keystone Conference.  So like my friend Stephanie, I'll return from a conference as my True Self.

There's so much yet to do.  My first few months of 2014 will be busy.  Name change, gender marker, some more hair removal, save save save.

I'd love to think that 2014 couldn't be any worse than 2013, but experience has taught me that it can ALWAYS be worse.  How many more losses will I experience before it's all behind me?  But if it can be worse, I must always acknowledge and remember that I can also be BETTER. 

I was having a lunch with Linda Lewis the other day (she is temporarily living in the same house as I am as she awaits her place in Florida to open) and we toasted to 2014.  We were both in drab.  She then said "if nothing else, at this time next year we won't look like this."  And she was right.  Next Christmas, I'll have been a woman for many months.  Legally. 

At the Raven with Linda Lewis

I have dear friends.  I have some family that accept me.  I have much more than so many transpeople right now, just for the fact that I have a roof over my head. 

So 2014 lies ahead of me.  It will be what I make of it.  I can choose to wallow in Darkness, or reach for Light.  I have chosen to Live.  I have chosen to live MY life, and to be the best parent I can to my Daughter.

I have chosen to be Sophie.

And may all of you have a wonderful 2014.  Choose to Live.

 

Fitting Week Part 2: Sushi, Shopping, Smiles

Ok, this is part 2 of a two parter.  The first part is HERE.  If you don't feel like looking at it, here's the summary:

A magic elevator transported me to the Land of Elven Elephants, which is currently under the rule of the Dark Ninja Lord Mullarkius.  She's actually NOT an elephant, but a Hippo in disguise.  She's quite good at that, being a Ninja.  The Elephant Resistance Party (ERP) saved me from the Dark forces and recruited me to their cause.  After some narrow escapes, I found myself hanging off a cliff with nothing but my wits and a pair of strappy heels to save me...

Now, to continue where I left off on Part 1:


Friday morning, June 22, 2013.  The morning was cloudy and humid.  I woke up early as I had a big day ahead.  I shaved my face and chest, did my makeup and threw on a Phillies shirt and shorts, and drove off to the King of Prussia mall.  I was quite nervous.  Why?

I'd scheduled my first Bra Fitting.

Yes, it's come to that point.  I measured myself, but the bras still didn't fit.  So, I decided to let a professional figure it out.

In the King of Prussia Mall is a store called Intimacies, that specializes in Fittings.  I called them early in the week and asked if they worked with Transgender women.  They replied that they had.  I said I am one, and may I have an appointment?  I was scheduled for Friday at 10 AM.

I was a few minutes late, but that was fine- so were they.  I waited in their lobby area with an older woman who didn't look at me.  Two employees came from the back, and, after confirming both our appointments,  the taller one asked the shorter one which one of us she wanted to help.  She chose the older woman.  The taller one didn't miss a beat, and showed me to a changing room, where she had me remove my shirt and the bra I was wearing, which she checked.  I indicated that I usually wore it with breast forms and she nodded.  She indicated a black satin robe on a hook and went to fetch some bras. 

After some initial nervousness, I settled down and looked in the mirror.  And there was a woman wearing a black robe, her small breasts caressed by the silk of the robe. 

Silky

The salesperson returned after a minute and we tried a couple of bras.  She pointed out that for me, the issue is the length of the bra base as I have a wider chest than "most women."  I smiled and said "Gee I wonder why?"  She laughed.


So she fetched some more bras, and eventually determined that the best fit for me is a 38C demi cup.  The reason it's C is for the width, and the demi is because I don't quite fill the cups.  Yet.  I bought one of the bras that I liked.  $105.00.  It better last forever!  LOL 

I left the store, bag in hand and went to the family restroom on the level below.  There I changed into the new bra.  It felt so comfortable.

So, there they are!

From there I walked around a bit, then went home to do some work on my TG Forum column. I remember when I almost fainted from fear the first time I walked in the mall as Sophie.  Now I do it with almost no fear.  Time changes everything.

At one o'clock, I met a several ladies from my therapy group for lunch at Blue Pacific.  Jen stopped by but left early to go to Transhealth.  Victoria and Amy stayed around.  We drank and chatted... then headed out into the mall to shop.  I'd been in the mall as Sophie alone, but never "shopping with the girls."  I was so excited!

L to R: Victoria, Jen, Me, Amy

Ad we left the restaurant and walked into the mall, we passed a group of teens, three guys and two girls.  They all turned to look, some giggling.  Maybe five seconds later we heard them shout together "OH HELL NO!"  Victoria and I turned to look at each other.  Amy was busy talking about her Transhealth experience earlier in the day, and missed it.

The first stop was Macys.  Victoria wanted more comfortable shoes.  Rumor has it that her shoe collection dwarfs even Imelda Marcos.  Amy and I sat down as Victoria tried on different pairs, and we chatted.  In guy mode, I would've been bored, but as Sophie it was fun!  Watching Victoria assess shoes was like watching a sommolier rate fine wine.  An education! 

Soon enough, she was wearing new shoes, and we were on our way back into the mall.  KOP is actually two malls next to each other: the Plaza and the Court.  (In a few years, they'll be connected.)  Our plan was to go to the Mortons Steak house at the farthest tip of the Court and have a glass of wine.  But... it was closed.  So back to the other side of the Court to Legal Seafoods, where we had wine and Amy had chowder.  (Sorry- chowdah!)

I could've stayed there all night, but I had to work.  The ladies were kind enough to walk back with me.  Victoria says that we were followed out of the restaurant by a woman staring at us, but I missed it.  So what?

Back across the Plaza to my car.  Hugs.  Home.  Then a shower and back to drab.  Then to work at my retail job.

I couldn't stop thinking of the experiences of the day.  A bra fitting.  Shopping with the Girls.  It was such an amazing day.  So Affirming.  So Fun!  I could hardly concentrate on my job.

That night, Lauren stopped by.  Remember Lauren?  I met her the day before at Transhealth.  She was wearing a green Ann Taylor dress and an auburn wig.  She looked much better, if unsteady on her heels.  I told her about Renaissance and Angela's Laptop Lounge, as she hadn't heard of either.  And so another one of us learns she isn't alone.  Knowing that has been such an amazing Help.

The shift eventually ended.  I went home, logged onto Second Life briefly, then went to bed.

Saturday, June 15.  Everyone was coming home around noon, so I checked around the house for any sign of Sophie, then left.  I went to my storage space to pick out my outfit for the night, then it was off to Amanda Richards for makeup.  I went a little early, which was fine by her, as she could take her time.

Feeling Floral

I wore a floral dress I'd had for a while.  But this time, no forms, just me.  After she finished my makeup, I drove back at a leisurely pace.  I stopped at Renaissance briefly, then went to Shangrila for dinner with Victoria and my dear friend Katie (from York.)  We chatted about everything under the sun and had a marvelous time.  I had to leave before them, as I was going back to the Renaissance meeting.  After all, as I had invited the guest speakers, it'd be rude not to be there.  In any case, I wanted to hear what they had to say.

The speakers were Sara and Lorrie from T.R..U.S.T:  Truth, Respect, Understanding and Support life's Transitions.  They are a Transgender Support Group for spouses, significant others and family; a group from the Harrisburg area.  As I am telling Wife about my intention to transition soon, I wanted to get some help for her. 

The presentation and conversation were wonderful, and I recommend this group highly.  They have online resources (link above) so anyone anywhere can reach out to them.

To my delight, Lisa Emapanada was there!  We spoke briefly, and talked more over at Winberies.  This time I didn't have to work the door, as Avi was doing so.  Avi is a beautiful genetic woman who is a Trans-ally.  Oh, and her mom is Lorraine Anderson of Occasional Woman.

Dipping Avi (picture courtesy of her)

My "Big Sister" Mel was there as well, as was Hayden from Harrisburg and so many others.  I had a wonderful time reconnecting with friends.  I live for these Nights.  Someday I'll be Full time, then transitioned, and I hope connecting with the community will still be as special!

I even received a swing dance lesson from one of the gentlemen there.  I know how to swing dance, but not backward in heels!

The party was in full swing when in came Lauren!  I was glad to see her, and introduced her around to everyone.  Well, not everyone, but as many as I could.  Turns out she knows the one bartender well, and she flirted with him quite often.  I teased her about it a bit. 

With Lauren (pic courtesy Angela's Laptop Lounge)

Eventually, the night ended as it always does.  back to the motel room, clean off and change.  Off to Wawa... oh sh*t!  I forgot something at the room!  Fortunately, Hayden was still there, and I was able to retrieve the item.  I then stopped by the Winberies parking lot to eat my late dinner.  I saw the lovely Jane Air and a few others leaving Winberies, and decided to say hi.  This group had never seen me in drab, and were a bit surprised.  They couldn't believe it was me.  Well it wasn't but...

I drove home and arrived at 2:30 AM.  Everyone was back and asleep.  I let the dog out, then slipped into bed.  My amazing week was over. 

The next day, Wife had a Loooooong list of chores for me.  You know, to make me pay for going out as she always does after a Laptop night.

The week was so incredible... like a dream.  I did so much as a Woman... it was the closest I'd been to full time since the Keystone Conference.  Oh, did I love it!

And the Crash was just as bad.  Oh, what a Pink Hangover!  Going back to drab was Agony!

But I did.  Because I had to do so. 

I haven't been Me since then.  However that will change this Saturday, as there is a memorial for JoAnn Roberts I'll be attending.  This one as Myself. 

Sometime in the VERY near future, I'll tell Wife about my intentions.

So, was this week the calm before the storm, or a preview of a Life to come?

Stay tuned.