I wrote this piece when I was 40, so 14 years ago (2006-ish). The book I mention was Men of the Skull.
I'm re-posting it because it's a time capsule so to speak of who I was at that point. Drinking was one of the most important part of my life. It was part of my identity, and the cornerstone of my manhood was that I could out-drink almost anyone (German/Scots/Irish genes).
I'll insert comments here and there and they will be italicized.
I did a light punctuation/grammar edit, but that aside it's exactly how I originally posted it (I also obscured an identity.) Also, I'll close the entry by doing a "where is it now?" and such.
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As I’m at a writer’s block on the book, I thought to tell you
a different albeit similar tale. It’s
really long, so I divided it into three parts.
Not really- it was only in two parts. Nice editing (eyeroll.)
The origin of Blowface is shrouded in
mystery. Perhaps it was brought by alien
life forms to the ancient Mali Empire.
Is that Blowface depicted on the inside walls of the tomb of Ramesses II? Most scholars place it in the mid to late
1980s. I heard of it in 1989. It was this legendary drinking game with all
kinds of strange antics and guaranteed drunken good times; the type that
blackmail pictures and denials are made of.
Of course, I had to play it!
The
problem was that no one had one. The
only person who might have one didn’t drink anymore. I was told that the game boards were
disposable, as they often became beer or vomit covered. Shit.
I still haven't seen any other version, but then again, I haven't looked.
So,
being young, dumb, and full of cum, in 1991 I took it upon myself to make a
Blowface game. I gathered two people,
like-minded, to join me. We’ll call one
of them M and the other C. M had played
the original many times. C was a US
Ranger standing by for deployment to Desert Storm.
The Result was a game of Blowface
done on a large white poster board.
Previous versions were linear- you rolled dice and followed the path to
the bitter end. I figured it’d last
longer (more drinking) if it were a ring, like monopoly. M remembered many of the original spaces
which we included, and we added new ones from our disturbed minds. We added cards that you did NOT want to
draw. Physical challenges, like dancing. We had all original artwork, as all three of [us] had some talent with the pencil. We
added fragments from every drinking game we knew, or spaces that had similar
effects. To be safe, I had it laminated.
The cards were "Punisher" cards, most of which involved chugging multiple beers.
It sucked. No one wanted to play it more than once. No repeat playability. I mean, if you land on the “Talk like Mr. Ed
and drink 6” space, that’s all you do.
In any case, it was our baby, and we played it once in a while when C
wasn’t overseas. Eventually, we lost
interest, I got married, etc.
Jump ahead to 1996. C is getting married. Two nights before, M flies in from *************. And I have a
surprise for them- I found the Blowface board- and the pieces and Batman mask
that went with it (for the “Bat-Fuck” space.)
So the three of us played. Below,
you see the results.
M is “Bat-fucked.” C is amused by this turn of events
Yeah, I was first to puke. I lose!
We agreed that the game was a lot
rougher to play at our advanced ages (I was turning 30 the next day) and C had
a great idea. On that same day, twenty
years hence we would play the game again.
He was given custody of board and pieces (but not of the Batman
mask. That was fucking expensive.) I have not seen Blowface since, nor do I
expect to. See, C moves around a lot,
and so I’m sure Blowface disappeared into oblivion during one of those moves.
I still have no idea if it still exists.
Part 2
Years passed. History became legend. Legend became myth. Then, at a company Christmas party in 2002, I
talked about the game to some co-workers.
GW was a drinking company then- lots of people from the UK, and
we all loved to drink. Several of them
expressed enthusiasm for the game. So,
being stupid, I decided to make Blowface II- my own drinking game. After all, I worked at a Game company! I should be able to do this easily!
So I did. First- what did I NOT like about the last
one. Well, several things.
One: We made it on white poster
board. This meant that there was a lot
of white space (duh). In fact, it looked
like a bunch of scribbles on a big poster board. It was ugly as hell. Two:
as three of us worked on it, there were three different styles of
handwriting on it, some of which was small and illegible. Especially when smeared, which it was. Three:
Some of the spaces forced chugs and chugs and chugs. One space could wipe a person out. (See picture above). Four, there wasn’t enough goofy shit. The reason for drinking games are to 1) prove
yourself and 2) laugh a LOT. Aren't games supposed to be FUN as well?
Ok.
Fix number one: instead of white poster board, I used black. That would mean that all artwork would have
to be attached, which led to Fix number two: create the spaces on the computer
to be uniform size and font. Everything
neat and legible. The art would be
painted onto the board or pictures would be drawn (or color photocopied) and
attached. Fix number three: Simple enough. Eliminate the really ugly drinking spaces. Well, most of them. I kept the deepest pit of Hell.
I wrote out all my possible ideas,
made some sketches, and thought of other things. How to make it more interactive? Add spaces that involve everyone- but make
them special. Also, I stole from an old
GW game (Curse of the Mummy's Tomb) the idea of a piece that everyone moves: the Chug Monster.
The Chug Monster was simple
enough. If it passes over your piece,
you drink. If it lands in your space,
you chug. If you rolled doubles, you
moved the Chug monster. (Talisman Reaper expansion, as well as other games, also use the concept.)
I also added a short cut- the “Bridge of Death.” (Monty Python reference. Duh.) This is where the interactive spaces went, and it features the biggest
single drinking space on the board- up to 18 drinks. Still, complete the short cut and you cut off
time.
The objective of the game remained
the same: collect Golden Chair passes.
To go to the bathroom, you’d have to use a pass. The new version made it easier with the short
cut and two other possible spaces. Like
the old game, there is a section called Hell, but it’s not as bad (no “chug 1d6
beers”). To balance it, the opposite
corner is Heaven. Mr. Ed stayed in the
game, as did Captain Kirk, but those spaces were adapted to provide more
variety. Instead of everyone who lands
on that space doing the same silly voice, a die roll would determine what voice
the person would do. (similar to Talisman) There are three of
those spaces. I also added spaces that I
stole from another GW game- places to “explore” by rolling a die for various
possible effects. (Talisman, again.)
I decorated the board with copies of
pictures that I had of friends and other stuff.
In the end, the whole thing looked like this:
Colorful, isn’t it? The shine you see in the pic is
lamination. I didn’t want it getting
ruined.
The lamination and color photocopy cost me $50!! I did the color photocopy so I'd have a backup copy, and to make it look "smoother."
Here’s a close up of Hell.
Heaven and hell were hand
lettered. Flames, arrows, and that thing
in the corner (“Deepest Pit of Hell”) are all hand painted using acrylics. The devils were coworkers at the time, from Halloween parties.
Here’s Heaven:
Same thing: hand painted
acrylics. Photocopies of pictures. The angel is the wife of a co-worker. In any case, you can see what some of the
spaces are like.
Here are the cards I made:
So- I had the board, I had cards,
what next? Playing pieces! Working for a miniatures company, I figured
that everyone who played would be co-workers and expect some miniatures as
gaming pieces. So I modified a few
models to be holding Beer Mugs and painted them. I then cobbled together a Chug Monster. However, after a few games, people complained
that the Chug Monster didn’t stand out- it just blended into the
background. It was a Chug Wuss. So, in response to that I made a New &
Improved Chug Monster.
Above (L-R): Pirate with Beer Mug,
Chug Wuss, Chug Monster
Rear view, in case you like Chug
Monster Ass
So then I tested it. I called a gathering of souls to my house and
we played a few times. It was a LOT of fun, but still needed tweaking. One person suggested I sell the idea. Ok.
But what would Joe/Jane College think of the game?
I tried to set up a group of Penn State
students to test it, but after I arrived they all bailed out. So, sitting alone in a bar with my game, I
spied a group of four students eating and drinking. A little bribe (free beer) later and they
played. They LOVED it! (They suggested the same tweaks that the
other group did.) I still have their written suggestions for the game.
So the game floated around Maryland for a
while. I brought it to parties where it
was played with much enthusiasm. At one party, someone made a rule that everyone drinks double the amount prescribed. That killed the game in a hurry. Then,
quietly, it was stored away as I moved back to Pa.
It’s been played once.
That therefore is the story of
Blowface II: my drinking game. I’m now
40 years old. Would I still play
it? Is it something I should grow out
of? Well, HELL YEAH and maybe. I’m sure that playing it would crush me for
several days, as I don’t recover as gracefully as I used to even a few years
ago.
I still have this game. The board is in storage; the cards and minis are here in my apartment. Would I play it now? I really don't know. I KNOW that I would be sick for days after. Besides, at my age, who would play? I could bring it over to the fraternity house, but I'm sure I'd get side-eye and laughed at. I keep it because it cost me so much to make, and because it's a relic of a time in my life long passed. The person who made that game was so different to who I am now. I no longer have to "prove my manhood." I also don't drink to deaden the howling Pain of my life. My DUI has a lot to do with that as well.
Still, it LOOKS like fun...
