Wednesday, March 7, 2012

So what happened last Saturday?

Last Saturday, I went to Angela's Laptop Lounge

If you've been following along, you'll remember that I wasn't going to go due to monetary reasons.  So I compromised.  I went in drab (dressed as a guy.)  I don't like going in drab, but I really wanted to see my friends.  I didn't spend much.

And I did see my friends.  Most of them know me in drab as well as when I am Sophie.  I also met new friends.  But something happened first.

I arrived around 9:30.  The event starts at 10, but there were some tgirls there already.  I bellied up to the bar.  There was a short guy to the left of me (1) with his beautiful blond girlfriend..  He was talking to another guy (2).  1 was trying to get 2 to have a shot of JD.  2 wasn't going to have any.  1 was VERY drunk and slurring badly.  He was shouting loudly "This guy's a pussy!  He won't have a shot with me!"  Over and over.

1 tapped me on the arm "Isn't that guy a pussy?  He won't do a sh-sh-shot!'

I replied "I think you've had enough.  I hope you're not driving!" 

He shouted back "What are you?  One of those gay trannys?"

Everyone in the place, trans and other, turned and looked.  Shit.

Now everyone is looking.  What would I do?  What could I do?

I turned to him and straightened.  "You have a problem?  You want some?"  I glared at him.  I didn't want a fight.  I'd outgrown bar fights when he was in diapers.  But I didn't have much of a choice.  He'd insulted my friends.

The blonde had her hands on 1's shoulder.  "No please he didn't mean it. I'm driving.  C'mon (name) lets go" she pleaded.

Suddenly, Andrew the owner/bartender was between us.  Andrew is tall and a big guy- strong.  His back was to me as he addressed 1.  "No one wants trouble.  Everyone is having a good time.  It's time for you to go."

And the blonde started pulling the guy out.  He put on his coat.  I offered my hand as a conciliatory gesture, and he accepted it.  They left out the front door into the mall.

I apologized to Andrew for the trouble.  He smiled and rolled his eyes.  "No problem" he said. 

This was a difficult position.  Everyone was watching.  I didn't want to be "The Guy" in this situation, but I didn't have a choice.  Honor demanded otherwise.

He Man?

It's been well documented how men with Gender Dysphoria usually try to prove their manhood to themselves and others by doing very Manly things, like joining the military, becoming police officers, etc.  I learned to fight, and I fought a lot.  I had a big mouth, and was very slight back then, so I often was challenged.  I never backed down. 

I felt that accepting that I am truly a woman inside would end my need to prove myself.  I found out I was wrong a couple years ago (wrote about it Here.)  I guess I still need to prove myself: not as a man, but as a woman.  Does that mean I will not defend my friends?  No.  I will always be there for them, however they need me.

I'm glad nothing really happened.  I didn't want a fight.  My battle is internal now.  How do I become the best woman- the best Person I can be?  And how will this affect my friends and loved ones?

That's going to be one hell of a fight.

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