Sunday, March 23, 2014

Telling Daughter

Less than a week until I am Full time as Sophie, and there remained only one person who NEEDED to be told.

My six year old Daughter.

Wife has been pushing off this necessary disclosure for some time.  MIL never wants Daughter to be told.  But, after talking about it several times, Wife and I agreed not only that she NEEDS to be told before I go FT, but also on a date and time.

Friday, March 21, 2014.  

The day was busy.  I went to the Mazzoni Center to pick up a refill on my meds.  Linda Lewis came along.  Then, we went to my old employer, the Penn State Great Valley Library, to check out an iPad.  Yes, I will make a video at the Keystone Conference.  Then, after a quick lunch, we went to my storage site and pulled out some dresses for the conference as well. 

Then, back to the house for a little while for some rest. 

We met for dinner at 6:15 at Daughter's favorite restaurant, a place in Phoenixville, PA called Pat's Pizza

Wife and Daughter split a small pizza.  I ordered a large pizza steak, to eat half and take the rest home for dinner tomorrow. 

Proud Father

Dinner was uneventful, really.  Wife and I spoke in code about the impending revelation.  Wife didn't like the idea of telling her, but for the sake of our daughter, she wanted it to go well.

The sun was beginning to set, so we decided to go to the local park to do the talk.  The original plan was to go to Valley Forge Park, but it closes at sunset.  So Reeves Park it was!

We drove around until I arrived at a gazebo.  It was empty.  There, I sat Daughter on a bench, and Wife sat beside her.

Gazebo, Reeves park.  Right after the Talk
I started by telling her that I loved her very much, that Mommy loved her very much, and that this would never change.  I then told her there are boys and girls, but sometimes, so very rarely, someone comes along who isn't one or the other.  That Some are born boys, but were meant to be girls, and some girls were supposed to be born boys.

That it happens so seldom, but every once in a while, but it happens- that someone is born different.  And that Daddy is one of those people.  That daddy was born a boy, but was supposed to be a girl.

And that now, Daddy was becoming a the girl that she should've been all along.

Wife then mentioned that Daughter remember what she learned about butterflies.  "What are butterflies before they're butterflies?"

Daughter smiled and said "First they are caterpillars, then they become a chrysalis, then they become butterflies."

She learned that the first day of kindergarten.

I smiled.  "Well, daddy is in chrysalis now.  And soon I'll become a girl."

She understood that.

I reinforced that I would always be her daddy, always love her, and always be there for her, even if we live apart.  And that it was necessary for us to live apart during this process, as it was very painful for all involved.  (I really wanted to tell her the truth- that her grandmother threw me out of the house for being trans, but Wife and I agreed that this wasn't the time.)

"So when are you coming home, daddy?"

"I don't know.  It's not up to me."

"Who is it up to?"


"Time will tell.  Things are changing.  Someday we may live together again, but probably not.  But I'll always be there for you, my little girl.  Daddy will always be here, no matter if I'm a boy or a girl."

"So when you're a girl, when will you turn back into a boy?"

"I'll never be a boy again.  I'll be a girl forever."

She understood that.  I pointed out that my nails will be getting longer to make it easier to tickle her.  She beamed "I have lots of nail polish!" she said.  Wife laughed.

"Now you're in trouble," she said, looking at me.

I asked Daughter if she had any other questions.  She didn't.  And we went to the ice cream place she loves, which had just reopened for the season.

I dropped them off at Pat's, and then drove back to the place I'm staying.  there I told my housemates about the night, and drank some wine.

Lunch the Following Day

The next day Wife related the following exchange to me.

Apparently, when they got home, Daughter said to MIL "Grammy, daddy is turning into a girl!'

MIL said "Daddy is a boy and will always be a boy."

And so the battle is joined.  At stake, my daughter.

If I lose, I lose her, and I lose her to Lies and Hatred.

I must win.


  1. You will win. Your daughters sounds smart as hell and she's eventually figure out that some people go from caterpillar to chrysalis to miserable old b*tch.

  2. The butterfly analogy was wonderful! Kids are resilient, it's others that have the power to poison, or the power to support. She'll do fine with the latter and the fact that you'll remain part of her life...her Dad, her beautiful, elegant, thoughtful, supportive dad, who just happens to be 'Trans'. <3 you girl!!!

  3. Sophie -

    You may have already won.... Your daughter needed to hear the news from you with her mom by her side - and that happened as planned - before MIL could poison your daughter with hatred. Your wife will grow very tired of MIL's attacks on you, as she knows how baseless they are.

    So what will likely happen? I'll bet that to preserve the mental and spiritual health of your daughter, your wife will eventually find a way to move out from under MIL's hateful eye. Until then, it will be a set of battles - none of them pretty....


  4. Your daughter is wonderful. She will not have problems with this.

  5. I trust that as on as you are a loving part of her life, your daughter will know who you are.