Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Sisterhood, Southern Comfort, 'Sorted Stuff

I had a really lousy weekend.  So lousy, I'm not going to talk about it. 

Instead, I want to write about something POSITIVE.  In fact, multiple things.  A veritable cornucopia of Good stuff.  In no particular order.

Last week, I posted an entry about my friend Linda Lewis.  In response, many people contacted her and sent her much needed funds.  The good news is that it REALLY helped, and not only is she very grateful, but so am I.  The bad news is that she's not out of the woods yet, so if you can spare a dollar, she could use the help.

You see, that's one of the things I love about our community- we really DO stick together.  We help each other.  Not all of us do, to be sure, but enough do.  I've been asked in my drab life why I'm friends with transpeople (I get asked this a LOT at my retail job, where many transpeople come in and we talk.)  I always say "They're fantastic people, and I'm honored that they are my friends."  Sometimes that response gets an eye-roll from the questioner. 

But it's true!  We are a diverse group, but we share one major commonality- we understand the pain that we all share- and in this case familiarity does NOT breed contempt, it breeds Understanding and Compassion.

I've Got Her Back

Here's another example, and this one is purposefully vague.

I received a text, followed by a call at my retail job first thing yesterday morning.  It was from someone I know from Harrisburg who has had some major issues with her soon to be ex-wife.  I mean Severe issues.  She has been reading my posts here and on Facebook (specifically about this past weekend) and was alarmed enough to call.  Her point was that my situation is identical to hers two years ago, before it all went to Hell for her.  There are some differences in the situations (such as family composition) but from what she described, she was dead on.

And she felt strongly enough about it to call and talk about it.  For which I am grateful.

I've said it many times here and on my TG Forum column- we know each others' deepest secret.  How can that not bond us? 

I was in the Greek system in college.  Yes, I was in a fraternity.  There was a lot of talk about "Brotherhood" in fraternities (and of "sisterhood" in sororities) and occasionally it was true.  But let's face it- how many of my brothers have really kept in touch?  We exchange the occasional Facebook thing, thats about it.  I've heard that there are some people who were in Houses together that are inseparable, and in fact I know a few.  But nothing, NOTHING, like the way I see my Sisters stick together.  We help each other, laugh with each other, and cry with each other.

Sometimes we let each other down as well.  Happens in any relationship.  Any family.  But we keep going.  "We who are alive and remain."

Speaking of Sisters, there are MANY who I know only online.  There are people whom I know through Flickr (like the beautiful Alexandra!) or multiple platforms  (Linda Lewis, Cisop Sixpence: a GG, Ana Christina Garcia) that I really want to meet someday in person. 

And one place to meet these people is at the Southern Comfort Conference.   It's the largest TG conference in the USA... and I'm going this year!  Yes, I'll be in Atlanta in early September, attending sessions (like Donna Rose's on blogging) doing fun stuff, and haunting the bar.  Drinking soft drinks of course.   And while I'm at it, I have a bridge in New Jersey to sell you.   I hope to meet many of my faithful 70 there!  There are so many women who have inspired me who attend this conference- I just hope I don't react like a moronic fan girl!

And while I'm on the topic of meeting people, I recently had lunch with my dear friend Jen.  She went full time at work, etc, a couple of months ago.  She arrived wearing a wonderful casual outfit and khaki skirt.  I was in drab and really jealous.  We talked about how her transition is going, and about my last time out.  She's very fun and VERY smart.

I mentioned to her that my last time out, I didn't wear a corset, pads of any kind, or forms.  It was just me in a dress.  And no one vomited.  Or said I looked fat. 

No Pads, Artificial Sweeteners, Additives or Preservatives.

She said that it's a natural step to take- accepting your body as it is... just like every other woman.  I'm going to keep losing weight (or trying anyway) but just the idea that I'm at a point that I CAN appear feminine-ish without any pads, etc.  I keep thinking about that.  After four and a half years of growing, learning, listening... I'm really becoming the person I never dared dream I could be:

A Woman. 

A Female of the Species.




  1. Sophie -

    Yes, you are becoming a woman (in external presentation - your mind is there already). But (don't we all hate that word?) is that the first characteristic for which you want to be identified, or do you want "woman" to be one of many characteristics?

    I ask that question for one reason - as a reminder to preserve the other good things you've developed through your life, so that your post-transition life will be rewarding..... We all want to be defined by who we are, and not just what we are.


    1. Thats a VERY good point, Marian! I think I am the sum of my experiences and always will be. I want people to see me in certain ways, but Woman is one the chief ones.

      I am working toward being seen as a woman who is fun, compassionate, and perhaps even happy.

      And If I try my best to be these things, then maybe thats how others will see me.

      We don't decide how others see us. And in the end they don't define us- we define ourselves.

      And I define myself as a woman! :)

  2. I look forward to meeting you in person at SCC, Sophie. SCC is just exceptional and you will see what I mean. Hugs, Cristy

  3. Sophie,

    Finally!!! I have read every one of your entries, and even some of the links. I feel like I know you so well and I can relate to so much of what you go through, especially on the trans front. You are right about our sisterhood. This is my third year of trying to come to terms with myself. The two previous one's ended with purging and telling myself I was crazy. This year, I'm almost at 6 months being true to myself, not in a small way thanks to your posts and finally looking at your blog. Yes! You are one of the reasons why I keep going, why I am determined to stay on the road that I know will only cross my path again and again every time I purge and turn my back on it. We may not always agree on certain things but we discussed this before on FB. We can agree to disagree without insulting each other. For that I greatly admire you!
    Now, what about SCC? I have two days off from work, Thursday and Friday. I have to choose which day to come. I cannot afford (financial or family wise) to be there both days, let alone spend the night. Which one would you choose? I sincerely hope to meet you in person. It will be nerve wrecking for me as it will be my first time out interacting with others as Emma. I will keep your strength in mind. I will remind myself of how you went through the same struggles and how you managed to tackle the obstacles. Nevertheless, I hope I don't pee my undies!
    Hope to see you in a couple of months!

    1. Hi!
      Wow! Thanks for your kind words! I'm blushing!

      As for SCC, that's a good question. I've never been there, so I don't know. Cheaper room on Thursday I'd think though...

      As for going out the first time, you'll never do anything harder than opening that hotel room door and stepping through it. But when you do, you're in a whole new world. A supportive one. A hotel full of people like US. There will be no going back, and you will grow, and learn... and maybe even have fun! :)