Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Wonder of It All

It's now Mid-October.  Only a week or so until Halloween.

So last weekend was Third weekend, which meant Renaissance and Laptop Lounge.  Which meant being Me.

And WOW did I need it.

I've been working a ton lately.  Seventy hour weeks.  I'm beginning to wear down.  And the bitch of it is, as both jobs are still considered "part time," I get no sick time or paid time off.  So missing work means missing money, and FFS doesn't grow on trees!


It was an eventful weekend for many reasons.

First off, I went to my first court mandated Alcohol class Saturday.  There were five of us in the class.  One older woman radiated anger.  Everything about her, down to her outfit and hair, radiated anger.  Her voice was raspy and loud from decades of smoking.  Oh, and she works in HR somewhere.  Sucks for that company. 

In any case, it was an hour of my life.  I've been to two of the mandatory eight now (another was last night).  So one quarter finished. 

After class, I went to work.  Then to the amazing Amanda Richards for makeup.  While Amanda was working on me, her next appointment showed up.  (I was half an hour late arriving due to traffic.)  This person was a rather stocky guy wearing an battered Eagles cap.  He wouldn't look out of place in any sports bar around here.  Absolutely the last person I'd expect to be trans. 

It was going to be her first time out.  Ever.  She asked for some advice, and Amanda and I gave her pointers.  She called herself Melissa.  I told her that the hardest thing she will ever do will be to walk out the purple door of Amanda's studio as a Woman, and that it would get much easier from there.

New wiggle skirt, new heels, and I was SO happy to see Me in the mirror again!

Amanda is an Iowa alumnus, and they were playing PSU on Saturday, so we made a little bet.

I needed a new camera, so I decided to go to Best Buy.  I received some looks walking in, and as I looked at the cameras, some of the staff tried to be slick while looking and pointing at me.  One guy eventually approached me, and I bought a nice small Sony camera that fits in my purse.

Then it was off to Renaissance!

I arrived just after sunset... and the place was dark.  No one there.  Usually there's a TS therapy group that meets there before we do, but they didn't this time.  So the doors were locked.  A few people waited in their cars, including someone who'd never previously come out dressed. 

I walked around the parking lot to try to break in my heels and also so people could see that someone WAS there.  I called Kristyn (president of Ren) and she came over quickly to unlock the door.

I stayed around for maybe an hour, sorting out the new camera and talking with people.  Then I went to meet my friend Katie for dinner at Winberies.  There were suppossed to be more people going, but it ended up being just two of us.  The Penn State/Iowa game was on the TV there, so I was able to keep up with it.  Dinner was quite nice.  Katie is great company.

I went directly to Laptop after dinner.  Even though I was a little early, there were already plenty of people there.  I was hoping a good friend would meet me there as she was having a bad day.  Long story, which she may not appreciate me telling, so I won't.  I offered to pay her cover charge, but she just couldn't make it.  I don't blame her. 

There were so many new faces!  I buzzed about as usual, catching up with friends.  This bar didn't have the PSU/Iowa game though.

Me, Angela, Linda Jensen of TG Forum (pic courtesy Angela)

Eventually, a pretty girl came over to me.  I recognized the dress- it was Melissa!  There was no way in hell I would've ever connected the woman in front of me with the person in the "Iggles" cap that I saw earlier.  Her movements, voice, everything- feminine.  Like many of us, she'd been dressing most her life.  One hell of a debut!  Far better than mine!

I had a good time.  Eventually, Amanda texted me that PSU won big.  I managed to take a bunch of pictures with the new camera.  Looks like I have to still sort out some settings, but some were nice.

I sat with Melissa and a few others for a bit (I was introducing her around, as I remember how much that meant to me that Jone and Jen did it on my first time at Ren.)  She asked to have a pic taken with me, which I was happy to do.  Then it got a bit surreal. 

Melissa previously told me she read this blog, for which I am grateful (as I am to all who read my insane ramblings.)  She confessed to being a bit of a "Sophie groupie" and that I was an "inspiration."  "I looked at your pictures and said 'if SHE can do it, then I can!'"  Umm, Thanks?  ;)  She said more, but that was the gist of it.

So her journey has begun.  As my dear friend Jen said to me at my first Laptop: "Pandora's box is open."

 After all her praise, I needed to get some butter from the kitchen for my ears so my swelled head would fit through the door!

Me- an inspiration.  Hard to believe, right?  Sure don't feel like one.  I think of those have inspired me and who Continue to inspire me.  People like my "Big Sister" Mel, Donna Rose, Kimberly Huddle, Linda Lewis, Andrea Forbes, Mara Keisling, Lisa Empanada, and so many others.  I am in awe of their courage.  They break boundaries and showed me that this Could be done.  That I COULD take that first step out the door.  That I COULD be the woman that I know I am.  The woman I've dreamed I could be.

Since that night, lots of bad things have happened in my life.  I have some hard decisions to make.  But this Saturday, I will be out and about again.  I will be Me.

And I can't wait!


  1. First I love the new skirt. You look great in that photo; gorgeous hair and elegant pose.

    Isn't it amazing that by just being ourselves we inspire and help others. What you did for Melissa has been and will be repeated by many girls for many others over and over again. It such good news to hear and know how the community grows.

    Read about your job situation on FB. It is so hard sometimes but never give up. I wish you good fortune and that success and satisfaction come your way soon.
    I see you're moving through the mandated classes. They will be over and you will be the better for the entire experience of the events that caused it. And I'm sure you will be a smarter person. It is so easy sometimes to screw up our lives.

    Anyway I pop in here once in a while to read about you.
    Take care and watch out for Hurricane Sandy.


  2. First Thank you for the complements! And thanks for the use of the room too!
    Of course you know that its Amanda’s great work that shows off.
    My wife said she would not recognize me on the street, so that’s a plus too!
    And I only meant that after reading about your journey that I could do the same, I know it sounded kind of odd in its presentation at the time.
    I have just been impressed with how you represent yourself and always look great doing it and the story you are telling has been an inspiration for me to finally get out.
    Going past that door was one of the oddest and hardest things I have ever done. Other than being at Amanda’s a couple of weeks before I had never been anywhere near outside or let anyone see me dressed.
    I cannot believe that I actually made it out and had some confidence to go with it. Not only did I get to the Laptop I stayed and went out for breakfast with Jen and what seemed like her entourage of followers. We went to a dinner and there were other patrons there and we did make an entrance.
    As one of the girls said it’s a train of trannies. But I put my head up and stayed for a while.
    It felt so natural being out and having a purse, looking for stuff in it (now I get my wife’s dilemma) and just being dressed.
    I’m going for number two this weekend and hope to see you at Laptop and make some new friends.

    Thanks again