Two Weeks of Silence

Two weeks of Silence.

Where have I been?  Well, if you're my friend on facialbook, you know that I took a trip for ten days.  I flew to London; then took a train to Stratford Upon Avon; then to Glasgow, Scotland; Edinburgh; back to London; a day in Paris, France; then home to the US.

That's a Long trip, and I went alone.  Yes, I met people at almost every stop, but the In-Between times, it was just me (with a couple of exceptions- Hi Fiona!)  Hours of reading and thinking.

Let's backtrack a bit.  As my loyal readers know, I've been unemployed since mid- February.  Before that, money was very tight.  So what changed?

At the George Inn, London

I cashed out my 401k to live on, and received money from a second source.  It was not enough for FFS, but it is enough to keep me going for a while.  So I made a decision.  Not a rash one- one that I thought hard about.

I had the time, and I had the money.  I knew that if I didn't take advantage of it, I'd regret the moment forever.  I decided to take a trip.  I researched it, then booked it.  On this trip, I would do things I only dreamed of doing.  And I would Think.

I have a lot to think about.  I'm a transgender woman in a country where the laws (or lack thereof) are throwing a noose around the neck of people like me.  The government is actively trying to hurt us.  I am unemployed, and don't know if/when that will change.  And there are deep private matters- things that I can't/won't discuss in the blog.  I give my readers so much of my soul, but reserve some for myself.

In one way, I wasn't alone.  I brought my reliquary necklace that holds some of the ashes of the woman who was my dear Sister.  Lisa.  I brought her with me.  I also brought the four leaf clover necklace she used to wear.  I wear it often myself, so of course I brought it.  I knew that at some point, I would need her strength, and I was right.  Besides, I wanted her with me- to share the journey.

I kept a travel journal through the whole thing.  In it, I recorded my thoughts, feelings, and things said to me.  There is no way I'm going to transcribe all of that- it would bore you to tears.  You don't need to know what I had for lunch.

The journal in a Paris Cafe

Instead, I have decided to do six separate blog entries on the trip.  Each of the locations will be explained by a vignette or two from that location and day.  I will tell you what this trip meant to me in those stories.  I will tell you of people and places.  Family and friends.

The six chapters will be:  London, Stratford Upon Avon, Glasgow, Edinburgh, London again, and Paris.  That won't be their titles, but it will be their settings.  They will take time to write.  Heck, I'm still processing what the trip meant to me.  They probably won't appear in that order, either.  And, if nobody cares, some may not appear at all.  (I'll know by number of hits and comments.)

On the fourth day of my trip, I went with my cousins to Gourock, where my Uncle John lives.  He is my mum's older brother.  We went to dinner, and, as we were leaving, the sun was setting over the mountains and the wide River Clyde.  It was breathtaking.  I took a picture.  My cousins asked why I'd stopped walking.  I said "You only get so many sunsets."

Sunset over the Clyde

Maybe that moment- that view- was the reason for my whole journey.  All the time and money spent.  Or was it just one moment among many that caused me to stop- to pause and consider.  Selah.

That's why I went- to discover the purpose of those moments.  And hopefully, to nourish what little is left of my scarred soul.  Let's discover it together, shall we?

"Take my hand......."