It's been a few weeks since I lost my job at the bookstore. 14 years, 3 months. Boom. Gone.
I wrote about how I felt in my TG Forum column a week or so back. It's hard to remember. Time has no meaning.
So. How do I fill my days? I still drive my roomie and bestie Linda to and from work. She still doesn't have a car, and doesn't drive stick, so she can't drive mine. I've been slowly cleaning the apartment. I've been sending out resumes like it's my job, which it kinda is.
And I've been writing a LOT. Mostly in journals while Linda is at work, or at night. Like now. 99% no one will ever see, as usual. This bit I'm typing directly using my phone. It's dark in the room- I've kept the lights out. Linda is in the other room, asleep.
I cashed out my 401k, so I've been living on that. I'e also been doing a few things I've wanted to do for a while. Dinner at a nice place, for example. I' trying to feel human. It isn't working.
In any case, I'm checking off boxes.
I've started receiving the rejection emails from the resumes- like ten a day. Usual bullshit- "your skills don't match up." I've had two interviews face to face. I've heard nothing since sending thank you emails.
I've had one job interested- Princeton Review. But you have to pass a test. And I've bombed it three times now. You see, the test is SAT questions; half of which are algebra. I haven't studied higher math since 1986. So, I fail the tests. So much for that job. Guess I'm not even smart enough to pass a f*cking SAT.
So that's where I am. Days go by. Nights drag by. My dreams are still nightmares, but I've started having nightmares about the book store. I never really had many of those before. In many of these dreams, I am burdened with boxes and boxes of random clutter. If I had to guess, I'd say that clutter is my Life.
Now, on the computer in the kitchen. Light is on.
I've been sending query letters to universities about their PhD programs. Made phone calls. No responses to either. See "not smart enough" above.
So, my days go by.
Linda will get a car soon, so that will be done. Maybe I'll take a trip somewhere, just me. Go somewhere I haven't been within driving distance. Or further. I have a passport.
In any case, that's where I am right now.
I think I'll turn off the lights and sit in the dark a bit, and stare at a wall or something.
Be well.
I wrote about how I felt in my TG Forum column a week or so back. It's hard to remember. Time has no meaning.
So. How do I fill my days? I still drive my roomie and bestie Linda to and from work. She still doesn't have a car, and doesn't drive stick, so she can't drive mine. I've been slowly cleaning the apartment. I've been sending out resumes like it's my job, which it kinda is.
And I've been writing a LOT. Mostly in journals while Linda is at work, or at night. Like now. 99% no one will ever see, as usual. This bit I'm typing directly using my phone. It's dark in the room- I've kept the lights out. Linda is in the other room, asleep.
I cashed out my 401k, so I've been living on that. I'e also been doing a few things I've wanted to do for a while. Dinner at a nice place, for example. I' trying to feel human. It isn't working.
In any case, I'm checking off boxes.
From the other night
I've started receiving the rejection emails from the resumes- like ten a day. Usual bullshit- "your skills don't match up." I've had two interviews face to face. I've heard nothing since sending thank you emails.
I've had one job interested- Princeton Review. But you have to pass a test. And I've bombed it three times now. You see, the test is SAT questions; half of which are algebra. I haven't studied higher math since 1986. So, I fail the tests. So much for that job. Guess I'm not even smart enough to pass a f*cking SAT.
So that's where I am. Days go by. Nights drag by. My dreams are still nightmares, but I've started having nightmares about the book store. I never really had many of those before. In many of these dreams, I am burdened with boxes and boxes of random clutter. If I had to guess, I'd say that clutter is my Life.
Now, on the computer in the kitchen. Light is on.
I've been sending query letters to universities about their PhD programs. Made phone calls. No responses to either. See "not smart enough" above.
So, my days go by.
Linda will get a car soon, so that will be done. Maybe I'll take a trip somewhere, just me. Go somewhere I haven't been within driving distance. Or further. I have a passport.
In any case, that's where I am right now.
I think I'll turn off the lights and sit in the dark a bit, and stare at a wall or something.
Be well.
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