Today is March 31, 2014.
Yesterday I returned home from the 2014 Keystone Conference. It was a cold rainy day. On the way, I called my wife and I cried. I miss her and my daughter. And the final speaker at Keystone scared the hell out of me. I could lose my Daughter because of someone filled with Hate. There are enough Hate filled people in this commonwealth to keep me from Her (as there are enough hate filled people to elect people just as hateful, see the connection?). I'll detail THIS chain HERE.
But all of that was yesterday. Today was sunny and nice. My day started by stopping at Wife's workplace to get some money for doctor appointments. She saw my new hair style and paused for a heartbeat. You see, I was in my last remaining guy clothes to see her. A concession.
On my way back to the house, I received a phone call from work. They wanted me to come in Today instead of tomorrow, as one of the corporate directives was that Sophie NOT start on April Fools Day.
I had a therapist appointment at 12. I was to go into work directly after. When I arrived back at the house, it was 10:30 AM. I had an hour to get pretty. That included doing my hair. It wasn't enough, and I began panicking and making mistakes. I started losing it. Fortunately, I had the help of M and Linda, who kept me calm and away from a full blown panic attack. I was ready at 11:55. As it takes twenty minutes to get to Dr. Osborne's office, I was going to be late. I called her and we moved the appointment to tomorrow. I then relaxed a little. I had a little lunch. Then went to work.
I arrived at 1 PM, and sat in the parking lot for a bit, mustering my courage. Then I grabbed my purse,and took that long walk through the parking lot. The day before, I stopped in the store with Linda Lewis so I could be seen as a woman there for the first time. This time I was alone.
I clocked in at 1:25 and walked up to the music section where I'd spend the next eight hours. My fellow employees were so very supportive.
About three hours into the shift, I stopped dead in my tracks and looked down at myself. My name tag said "Sophie." I wasn't wearing a compression shirt, so my breasts stood out proudly. I was at work as ME. I thought to myself "this is really happening. This isn't a dream. I'm here at work as a woman!" And I couldn't wipe the smile from my face.
As the shift progressed, I did all of the usual things: I helped customers, answered the phone, and eventually went to the ladies room. No issues- no problems. During my breaks, I used my phone to check facialbook, and I saw so many affirming comments! Thanks to all those who posted!
The shift went quickly. It was a magical night. I called my "Big Sister" Mel to talk about it. When I arrived home, I found that my friend Michelle from Worcester, MA had called in a pizza order for me, and it was waiting. Thanks Michelle!
Mel was happy that I'd had a great day, but cautioned that this was only one day. Not all days would be like this. And she's right. Eventually, going into work as Sophie will be routine. I welcome that.
I wore a special necklace today to work. It is a silver butterfly, and it contains a small amount of Lisa Empanada's ashes. I don't wear this necklace often- only when I need her to be with me. Today I needed her strength. I needed to feel that she was there, helping.
I texted the above picture to Sandy Empanada. She wrote back "She's with you and me." And so she is.
But so are so many others. I am blessed to have Mel, Linda, and Ally in my life. I am blessed by M's generosity by opening her home to me. And I'm blessed and humbled by having so many people care about me.
Yesterday I returned home from the 2014 Keystone Conference. It was a cold rainy day. On the way, I called my wife and I cried. I miss her and my daughter. And the final speaker at Keystone scared the hell out of me. I could lose my Daughter because of someone filled with Hate. There are enough Hate filled people in this commonwealth to keep me from Her (as there are enough hate filled people to elect people just as hateful, see the connection?). I'll detail THIS chain HERE.
But all of that was yesterday. Today was sunny and nice. My day started by stopping at Wife's workplace to get some money for doctor appointments. She saw my new hair style and paused for a heartbeat. You see, I was in my last remaining guy clothes to see her. A concession.
On my way back to the house, I received a phone call from work. They wanted me to come in Today instead of tomorrow, as one of the corporate directives was that Sophie NOT start on April Fools Day.
I had a therapist appointment at 12. I was to go into work directly after. When I arrived back at the house, it was 10:30 AM. I had an hour to get pretty. That included doing my hair. It wasn't enough, and I began panicking and making mistakes. I started losing it. Fortunately, I had the help of M and Linda, who kept me calm and away from a full blown panic attack. I was ready at 11:55. As it takes twenty minutes to get to Dr. Osborne's office, I was going to be late. I called her and we moved the appointment to tomorrow. I then relaxed a little. I had a little lunch. Then went to work.
Ready for work.
I arrived at 1 PM, and sat in the parking lot for a bit, mustering my courage. Then I grabbed my purse,and took that long walk through the parking lot. The day before, I stopped in the store with Linda Lewis so I could be seen as a woman there for the first time. This time I was alone.
I clocked in at 1:25 and walked up to the music section where I'd spend the next eight hours. My fellow employees were so very supportive.
About three hours into the shift, I stopped dead in my tracks and looked down at myself. My name tag said "Sophie." I wasn't wearing a compression shirt, so my breasts stood out proudly. I was at work as ME. I thought to myself "this is really happening. This isn't a dream. I'm here at work as a woman!" And I couldn't wipe the smile from my face.
As the shift progressed, I did all of the usual things: I helped customers, answered the phone, and eventually went to the ladies room. No issues- no problems. During my breaks, I used my phone to check facialbook, and I saw so many affirming comments! Thanks to all those who posted!
The shift went quickly. It was a magical night. I called my "Big Sister" Mel to talk about it. When I arrived home, I found that my friend Michelle from Worcester, MA had called in a pizza order for me, and it was waiting. Thanks Michelle!
Mel was happy that I'd had a great day, but cautioned that this was only one day. Not all days would be like this. And she's right. Eventually, going into work as Sophie will be routine. I welcome that.
I wore a special necklace today to work. It is a silver butterfly, and it contains a small amount of Lisa Empanada's ashes. I don't wear this necklace often- only when I need her to be with me. Today I needed her strength. I needed to feel that she was there, helping.
I texted the above picture to Sandy Empanada. She wrote back "She's with you and me." And so she is.
But so are so many others. I am blessed to have Mel, Linda, and Ally in my life. I am blessed by M's generosity by opening her home to me. And I'm blessed and humbled by having so many people care about me.
This is beautiful... congratulations on your first day. That Lisa was with you made me cry... such love... I envy the closeness you all had and share in your loss.... thank you for a wonderful blog entry!
ReplyDeleteDiana Lynn Langton
I am SO happy for you Sophie! Keep that smile and keep reminding yourself that you really ARE living the dream. :)
ReplyDeleteYesterday was International Transgender Day of Visibility maybe a much better day for your true appearance. Sound like you went in a forgot your fears and worked the day with elegance.. congratulations! Hugs! Karen
ReplyDeleteYes, your first day of work was the transgender Day of Visibility. That's a lot better than April Fool's Day but at least now you are not having to fool anyone! The best part was "no issues- no problems". That may not be the case every day, as your big sister told you, but at least it should calm your previous fear that just working as yourself would be a problem. I am pulling for you on your family issues also, but you know that your daughter loves you (and accepts you) and that should make all the difference.
ReplyDelete