Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Weather Forecast

What does it mean when a person can only live one day, maybe two days a month?

Short answer is that the Life needs work!

And mine does.

Saturday April 20 was another episode of Renaissance and Laptop Lounge.  As always, I worked until two PM.  Then, as I often do, I headed up to True Colors to see Amanda Richards.  This time there were several reasons, though.

I'd worn this outfit before- last May.  That time, I did my own makeup, and I liked how it turned out.  A Lot.

So this time, same outfit but with Amanda doing the makeup. 

My work on the left, Amanda's on the right

 Amanda was running late, as she had some late clients, but that was fine.  I arrived early and did my nails.  And she did her usual superb job. 

A quick tangent:  I've been asked by some people why I still go to Amanda for makeup when I seem to be doing a good enough job on my own.  Fair question.  Why drive two hours one way and spend all that money?  Simple, really.  First, she is my good friend, and I like going to see her.  I have a blast there.  Corollary to that is it really relaxes me to have my makeup done.  I think of it as pampering.  Second is that every time I go there I learn SOMETHING.  A technique, a color combination... I never leave the same person.  Third, but far from last, is that Amanda supports our community.  And I patronize her business as a "thank you" for that. 

Oh, and I ALWAYS look great when I walk out of her purple door to my car.  At least I think so.

Anyway, I drove to Renaissance watching a beautiful sunset and listening to the Phillies get crushed by the Cardinals. 

I stopped at Ren briefly (and after it started) said "Hi" to couple people, then headed over to Winberies, as I was meeting people for dinner.  The restaurant was crowded, and the people I was meeting were already seated.  A couple of people gave me looks as I went to sit down, but nothing I wasn't used to.  My dinner company were two full time from Transcentral PA in Harrisburg.  I met them at the Keystone Conference, and they were in town for Laptop Lounge.  They were kind enough to invite me to dinner.

Would you invite me to dinner?

Already in the restaurant was a table of four transwomen.  They were receiving some looks, but didn't care either. 

Dinner was nice.  A guy at the neighboring table (looked like an extended family of seven) kept looking at me and at other transwomen as they came in.  He commented to his family "Why are they allowed in here?"  "What is that?" and similar expressions of that sort.  He said it quietly enough, but, unfortunately for him, I read lips. 

I didn't care.  He wasn't going to ruin my night.

Eventually, our group migrated to the bar.  My amazing friend Lisa Empanada then made her entrance.  She announced a couple of days earlier on Facebook that she was transitioning.  I was SO happy for her, and bought champagne for a toast.  She mentioned buying a dessert on FB, so she did this and we shared a banana creme pie.  Lisa's strength is an inspiration!

While at the bar, I bumped into Dr. Michelle Angello.  I told her about the guy at that table.  She asked what I thought about it.  I told her my armor was very thick and his comments just bounced right off.  She smiled.  I bought her a glass of wine.

This was my first Laptop at Winberies.  I had a wonderful time, and caught up with several people.

As usual, I had a room at the Motel 6.  This time, I shared it with one of the TCPA people: Hayden.   Get your mind out the gutter- he was a perfect gentleman!   He was staying over, and allowed me to change and shower there.

I found changing in front of him a little awkward, but not for the reason you'd expect.  I was always at least partially clothed, and he HAD previously seen me in drab mode (on Sunday at Keystone.)  I just did not want to change back to drab at all.  Ever.

After removing some of the makeup, I jumped into the shower.  I started washing my hair, then stopped and was overcome with sadness.  It just wasn't fair that I had to "change" to live my life.  Why can't I just be me forever?  My eyes welled up.

After my shower, Hayden was kind enough to answer some of my questions about being a transman.  I didn't realize how expensive the accouterments are for that!  There's compression shirts (I'll need that soon!), and the, um, parts below come in so many different types with different functions and they're all so damn pricey!

I eventually was back in drab and packed everything.  I told Hayden I'd be stopping at Wawa for food, and he asked to join me.  This guy eats more than Shaggy and Scooby combined!  We drove over and got food. 

 We ate in the parking lot (as I always do) then I took him back to the motel.  He noticed I was a little down, and I mentioned that I was feeling bad about having to be drab.  He said "You're still Sophie.  I still see Sophie right now.  You're just toned down."

I've been thinking of his words.  And I thought of a metaphor.  I am Shining when I'm Sophie, like a sun on a beautiful summer day.  When I'm in drab, that sun is STILL there, but it's obscured by clouds.
Waiting Patiently

And to quote Bruce yet again:

I'm waitin', waitin' on a sunny day
Gonna chase the clouds away
Waitin' on a sunny day
Right now it's Mostly Cloudy with a chance of rain.  Soon it will be Partly Cloudy.  Someday it will be that Blessed Sunny Day.  No clouds.

Just the Sun.  My Dawn.



  1. Good job finding a Bruce line from "The Rising". No suprises there.

    There are times when we feel like we are two separate people but we are really only one and sometiimes how we feel about that is controlled with how we are presenting. Since many of us need to present in our male personna most of the time we need to fine a way to harmonize our lives.

    I wish you luck and peace. I a sorry that the change back from Sophie mode was so sad but I do recognize the feeling. I do what I can to be thankful for the times when I can present as Pat rather than rue the times that Pat has to stay hidden. While Pat is often out of sight she is rarely out of mind.


  2. I have been asked the makeup question as well, in regards to why I see Amy in Las Vegas so often.

    "Shut up", I explain :)

    Hey, that's me time!