The weekend ended with a ham dinner and me watching a little TV. Easter was this past weekend. It is the most sacred day of the Christian calendar.
Here in Philly, some people celebrate it... differently.
Oooo! Controversial!
I've been walking on Eggshells since last week- the non-colored kind. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. My wife was to see Dr. Osborne Wednesday, but cancelled. I don't know why as of this point, but I have some guesses.
In any case, I know she isn't happy about me being Transgender. I don't blame her. She didn't marry me expecting this. I didn't marry her expecting this. But this is the reality.
Assuming you've done any reading on the topic of transgender people, you've probably found at least one piece discussing how transgender people (especially MtoF) violate the "Gender Binary" which causes cisgender people all sorts of discomfort.
We violate their perception of "Two Separate Genders and Never the Twain Shall Meet."
We make hamburger out of a "Sacred Cow."
And that just isn't fair!
We as transgenders are NOT a large percentage of the population. I understand that. And many people think different is "bad."
How low on the food chain are we? Many members of the LGB part of LGBT has tried to disassociate themselves from us. They think we're "Crazy Queens" (Barney Frank, D-MA) or "misguided gay men who’d undergone surgical mutilations" (Jim Fouratt)
Then there's the "transmafia"- transgenders who hate... transgenders. I know, I don't get it either. I guess my brain doesn't operate that way. Being an "inferior" transgender and all.
I have some of my own "Sacred Cows." There are some things I take very seriously. Usually these are things I don't talk about. They're private. I share a lot of my life on this blog, and on Facebook. Aside from not being "Out"... YET... I'm a fairly open book. There are a few things that are just for me though. Aside from how they relate to my being Trangender, I don't like talking about my Wife and daughter. I mention my Wife a lot but I really try to keep her out of this. That's why I never have given her name. Just her title: Wife. To me, that's a term of affection.
I don't say where I work as I am not "Out" there, and I really don't know how it would go over. Publicly outed. As my therapist and several others have said, I need to control the narrative. If I don't someone else will write the story, and that someone will probably get all the facts wrong and use hyperbole to spread fear and hate. It would be like having Fox News report the story.
If you look at my internet "footprint" you'll see I claim 5 different hometowns and 3 different birthdays. Hmmm I wonder why? Same reason I never give my family name. When I change my name legally, I'll probably drop it anyway. I may even choose a very different name and keep "Sophie Lynne" as a nom de plume. So many decisions. So may deceptions.
This post is a bit rambling, I know. I have a lot on my mind right now. So many things can go wrong. Or they can go right.
If I can control the narrative.
And I don't screw it up.
Here in Philly, some people celebrate it... differently.
Oooo! Controversial!
I've been walking on Eggshells since last week- the non-colored kind. Still waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. My wife was to see Dr. Osborne Wednesday, but cancelled. I don't know why as of this point, but I have some guesses.
In any case, I know she isn't happy about me being Transgender. I don't blame her. She didn't marry me expecting this. I didn't marry her expecting this. But this is the reality.
Assuming you've done any reading on the topic of transgender people, you've probably found at least one piece discussing how transgender people (especially MtoF) violate the "Gender Binary" which causes cisgender people all sorts of discomfort.
We violate their perception of "Two Separate Genders and Never the Twain Shall Meet."
We make hamburger out of a "Sacred Cow."
And that just isn't fair!
We as transgenders are NOT a large percentage of the population. I understand that. And many people think different is "bad."
How low on the food chain are we? Many members of the LGB part of LGBT has tried to disassociate themselves from us. They think we're "Crazy Queens" (Barney Frank, D-MA) or "misguided gay men who’d undergone surgical mutilations" (Jim Fouratt)
Then there's the "transmafia"- transgenders who hate... transgenders. I know, I don't get it either. I guess my brain doesn't operate that way. Being an "inferior" transgender and all.
Casual about being "inferior"
I have some of my own "Sacred Cows." There are some things I take very seriously. Usually these are things I don't talk about. They're private. I share a lot of my life on this blog, and on Facebook. Aside from not being "Out"... YET... I'm a fairly open book. There are a few things that are just for me though. Aside from how they relate to my being Trangender, I don't like talking about my Wife and daughter. I mention my Wife a lot but I really try to keep her out of this. That's why I never have given her name. Just her title: Wife. To me, that's a term of affection.
I don't say where I work as I am not "Out" there, and I really don't know how it would go over. Publicly outed. As my therapist and several others have said, I need to control the narrative. If I don't someone else will write the story, and that someone will probably get all the facts wrong and use hyperbole to spread fear and hate. It would be like having Fox News report the story.
If you look at my internet "footprint" you'll see I claim 5 different hometowns and 3 different birthdays. Hmmm I wonder why? Same reason I never give my family name. When I change my name legally, I'll probably drop it anyway. I may even choose a very different name and keep "Sophie Lynne" as a nom de plume. So many decisions. So may deceptions.
This post is a bit rambling, I know. I have a lot on my mind right now. So many things can go wrong. Or they can go right.
If I can control the narrative.
And I don't screw it up.
Sophie -
ReplyDeleteWhen you are ready, you'll know what you have to do. As long as you avoid real last names in public, I wouldn't worry much.
But I figure you'll do what I do - use a pseudonym for your blogging, and leave your real name for use in your private life. I have no problems using the feminine version of my given name in private - but to be safe, I use a pseudonym when blogging and in other correspondence in this community.
M
"As my therapist and several others have said, I need to control the narrative. If I don't someone else will write the story, and that someone will probably get all the facts wrong and use hyperbole to spread fear and hate."
ReplyDeleteThis is so true. Unfortunately it's not always possible to "control the narrative."
I think that you and I stand in similar shoes as we try to grapple with the concept of adding the 'T' to the LGB trinity. Sometimes I wonder if the 'B' even belongs. At best the 'T' crowd is an afterthought.
ReplyDeleteWhere I find the best confluence of issues is in LGBT establishments. Some in the LG world are old enough to truly appreciate that for LG people the world today has evolved significantly over the past several decades. Nevertheless many in the LG world do not understand those who are TG. I pass that off to the fact that TG is a very wide spectrum from the once in a blue moon partial dresser to the fully transitioned. When I go out I often see myself as somewhat of an ambassador of outreach.
Pax.
Pat