Thursday, December 16, 2010


A former coworker of mine has gone missing.  He left his phone behind in his apartment and has been gone for over a week.  No one knows where he is and his family is concerned.  He's a teacher and had a hard time finding a job, but recently found one.  he has impeccible taste in music, but no luck with women.  We'll call him Dave. 

"Dave" and "Monique" Halloween 2009

Ok.  Big deal.  You people don't know him from Adam.  Why would I bring him up?  Is this some kind of half assed Amber Alert?  "If you see Dave call 555-1212 for more information."  No that's not the point.  Because I don't think he's come to harm.  I think he decided his life sucks and he wanted a fresh start and just... left. 

No the point is how many people wish they could disappear.  Just leave.  Go.  Start over.  Fuck all you guys I'm leaving.  I've thought of it many times.  Leave all this shit behind.  Start elsewhere- perhaps even as Sophie full time.  Stop the lie and be me. 

I brought this idea up to my therapist.  She said I'd be trading one closet for another one.  I'd be hiding from my past instead of from myself.  That actually makes a lot of sense, but I can't deny the siren song of just going.  I have the guts to go out in a skirt but not enough to fulfill my own life and just do it all.

What keeps me here?  Most of my best friends have moved away.  It's not like I have a dream marraige.  Then there's my daughter.  She's only three.  How would that sound?  "Daddy ran off to be a woman." 

Sure it's happened before to many others many times.  The temptation is there.  But my wife would find me.  I'd need to make a living.  I could be tracked through tax records.  Where would I go anyway?  San Francisco always appealed to me (and Sophie would fit in well there.)  Southern California is nice.  Hell, anywhere warm.  Maybe even overseas.  Teach English in Japan or something. 

Would you want this woman as YOUR teacher?

Pipe dreams?  Drunken fantasies on a cold winter night?  Yes.  But I think Dave did it.  He walked away from it.  He did what others dream of and I am jealous of his courage. 

At least I hope so.  I hope he's ok.


  1. As you might expect when dealing with a (amateur) musician, your blog post makes me think of a favorite song of mine. Even if country is not your cup of tea, give this song a spin and see if it is not a perfect compliment to your post:

  2. Update: he has been found. far far away, but safe. :)