Published in a Journal

Some time ago, I was asked by my dear friend and former boss Dr. Dolores Fidishun to write an article for a library journal.  And a couple of months later she asked again.  Both times I said yes, and both times circumstances (usually the Darkness) prevented me from doing it.

Then she asked again.  I asked "when do you need it by?"  She replied "tomorrow."

Oops.

I worked the closing shift at the bookstore that night.  And so it was that I sat at my computer madly typing and researching until 2:30 in the morning to complete this article.  They did some editing, and it was posted.

Gratuitous Sophie Picture

The journal is part of a wikigroup called FTF.

"ALA's SRRT Feminist Task Force (FTF) was founded in 1970 by women determined to address sexism in libraries and librarianship. FTF was the first ALA group to focus on women's issues. Other ALA women's groups fostered by FTF include the standing ALA Committee on the Status of Women in Librarianship (COSWL), the Committee on Pay Equity which is now the ALA-APA Standing Committee on the Salaries and Status of Library Workers, the RASD Discussion Group on Women's Materials and Women Library Users, the ACRL Women and Gender Studies Section, and the LAMA Women Administrators Discussion Group. The Feminist Task Force continues to be one of SRRT's largest and most active groups, concerned with a broad, evolving set of feminist issues."

All of which means that rethuglicans don't like them.  My kind of people!

Anyway, here is what I wrote.  The link to the story is HERE.

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Assisting Transgender Patrons: Resources to Save Lives

Sophie **** , M.Ed., Instructional Design

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Transgender people appear to be popping up out of nowhere. Ever since Caitlyn Jenner “came out” transpeople have been in the news, on TV, in books- everywhere. However, there have always been transgender people. There is evidence of transpeople in ancient civilizations. Native Americans called them “Two Spirits” and regarded them as Shamans. Many cultures recognize many genders, not just two.

In life, there is no true “black and white:” there are always shades of grey, and so it is with Gender. Gender is a spectrum, not a binary. The big differences are Visibility and Access to Information. In the past, transpeople suffered in isolation and silence. There were no ways to learn about their condition: Gender Dysphoria.

Gender Dysphoria is when the person’s gender identity does not match their body. For example, a biological male who has a female brain, vice versa, and many things in between are possible. In the past, they were just labeled as “queer” or worse. Many met with violent ends. Others suffered until they could suffer no more, and ended their own lives. Research has shown that 41 percent of transgender people attempt suicide, compared to 4.6 percent of Americans overall.

Today, with the internet and with the increased visibility of transgender people, many people who suffer with gender dysphoria realize that they are not alone, and, more important, that their condition is natural and biological, similar to, but not the same as, homosexuality.

Gender Dysphoria is a biological condition, not a mental condition. It is NOT a choice. No one would choose to be transgender. Why would anyone choose to be scorned, ridiculed, and attacked; to lose family, friends and loved ones; destroy their career or even their lives? They wouldn’t. No one would. It is thought that perhaps 0.3% of the world population is transgender, but no one is sure, as people have been afraid to disclose their identity. Many transgender people “go stealth” by moving to a new city and dropping contact with everyone they knew before. In fact, for years, this was a “standard of care.”

Gender is also independent of sexuality, although they are often confused. An easy way to remember the difference is that “Sexuality is who you want to love; Gender is who you want to be.”

These people may come to a library to find information about Gender Dysphoria, either for themselves or perhaps a loved one. After all, most transpeople report knowing that they are “different” from a very early age. (The author knew when she was four years old.)

How does a librarian handle this situation? How do we provide info for a young person who is searching for who they are? Are there ways libraries can provide safe havens for community groups? How can librarians find out about support systems or places to refer people? How can librarians help them?

These are all important questions.

First and foremost, remember that a transgender person is a human being- they are not a freak or “demonic abomination.” They are often very vulnerable as they try to find a solution to a pain they can’t describe. They will probably be embarrassed and afraid. They will make excuses like “it’s for a friend” or “I’m doing a report for school.” It is critical to treat a Transgender person just like any other library patron: with dignity and respect. Also very important: NEVER reveal to others that the patron is transgender if the person confides that to you. The effects could be disastrous for your patron, and could open your library to legal action.

Fortunately, there are many resources available online for people seeking to learn about Gender Dysphoria, with more information all of the time. Brain gender science is still a “cutting edge” research area, with new discoveries happening often.

Internet

Many organizations have an online presence, and they have a large amount of information. A Google search will uncover many. Start with the basics.

A few guidelines:

• If the organization has the word “family” in its title, it is NOT LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) friendly. “Family” is a buzzword used by conservatives who believe that LGBT is a choice or a lifestyle or choice, which it is not.
• Also avoid any use of the word “cure.” There is NO “cure” for gender Dysphoria. It is a natural state for transgender people.
• If a group is particularly vilified by conservative or religious groups, they are usually good sources of facts. For example, GLAAD and HRC are often attacked as “evil” by these groups.
• Be careful- there are MANY trans-centric pornographic sites on the internet. Stick to scientific terms (Gender Dysphoria, Transgender).

A quick internet search uncovers many good sources of information.

• American Psychological Association (APA)
  It doesn’t get more scientific than this and WPATH, unless one starts searching journals.
• GLAAD
  GLAAD is an LGBT lobbying group and advocates for LGBT people worldwide.
• Human Rights Campaign (HRC)
  HRC is the largest national LGBT organization
• National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE)
  NCTE is the leading lobbying group for transgender rights in the United States.
• PFLAG:
  PFLAG is the largest organization for the families and allies of LGBT people.
• World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH)
  WPATH is the leading scientific organization for the science of Gender Dysphoria.

There are also many good sites assembled by individuals. A few are listed here.

• Laura’s Playground
• Lynn Conway Aside from her personal story, Ms. Conway assembled an impressive array of informative sites. This was one of sites that the author of this piece found very helpful in her own journey.
• Susan’s Place

For personal stories, there are an endless supply of blogs available, which range in quality and appropriateness:

• T-Central is a good place to start for blogs by transgender people (Disclosure: T-Central links to the author’s blog as well.)

Books
There are many books written by and about transgender people, most of which are self-published. The author recommends the following as good starting points:

• Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein
• She’s Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan
• Whipping Girl by Julia Serano

Once the librarian has found resources for the patron, what is next? A good next step is to search for local support groups. Support groups are vital for transgender people, as so many feel alone. Support groups bring transgender people with others from all walks of life who understand what it means to have Gender Dysphoria. Members of support groups could be further along in their journey than the patron, and could help mentor the person.

Local Support Groups

To find local support groups, simply perform an internet search “transgender support groups (name of your town/city/area).” Again, be careful of the words “family” and "cure.”

Many support groups meet in private places like homes and doctor’s offices. However, if a library wishes to provide a meeting space, one factor is critical: Privacy. Many transgender people are not “out” to the general public, and their being “outed” could have potentially devastating effects on their lives. Groups would need a private room, or, ideally a private entrance, so members who are not “out” may come and go in secret. However, few libraries will be able to make these accommodations.

There is another very easy way to learn about transgender people in both a library setting: speak to one. Many transgender people do outreach work to public and private institutions. A quick way to connect with a transgender activist or outreach person is through a local support group or organization. Note: some transgender people charge a nominal fee for presentations to organizations. Again, performing an internet search for “transgender support groups (name of your town/city/area)” will help connect the librarian with these groups.

Transgender people face many hardships. They are shunned by family, targeted by discriminatory laws, face high unemployment, and high suicide rates. Your library can be a valuable resource for transgender people, their families, and people wishing to learn more about Gender Dysphoria. Above all, remember: Transpeople are human beings who deserve the same treatment as any other person. By treating transpeople like all others, a librarian can make a difficult journey far easier.

---

Sophie *****  is an author, advocate, and lectures on Transgender issues. She is a member of several Transgender support organizations, and has been living her Truth for three years. She has been published in international magazines, as well as the New York Times. She holds Bachelor's and Master’s degrees in Education from Penn State University, and previously worked for the Penn State Great Valley Library. Sophie is available to speak at and/or work with libraries on understanding the Transgender experience. Her blog, Woman Named Sophie, is frequently updated. Sophie may be contacted at Sophie1lynne@yahoo.com

Ally's, Parties, and Graves

On Friday, August 12th at 9 a.m, I headed South toward Richmond.  An hour into the trip, I figured out that I had forgotten my EZ Pass, which I need for tolls. So, at Wilmington Delaware I turned around travelled the hour back home picked up the EZ-Pass.

Had my roomie and bestie Linda been along, she would've reminded me to bring the damn thing.  However, she had to work, so I was going alone.

At 11 o'clock I was back on the road.  I did make one stop in Stafford, Virginia, where I saw my dear friend Kimberly Moore.  It's always a pleasure seeing her, even though she was in guy mode, which I don't believe she will be in for much longer.  In any case, she gave me some directions for a back road which cut over a half an hour off the trip, as  I-95 was like a parking lot.

The journey was not without tears.  Decades ago, not long after Wife and I were first married, we decided to take a week and travel the roads of Virginia on a Civil War tour.  We did it "seat of our pants" just a map, our Del Sol, and our credit cards.  It was one of the best vacations that I had in my life.  Not only was there a lot of history, but here I was with my fairly new Wife.  At that point, we were young; we were in love; and we were just traveling around for the hell of it.  It's times like these when I really think about all that I've given up; all that I've lost to be my True Self.

Near the end of that trip, we stopped at Kings Dominion, which is a large amusement park south of Fredericksburg and north of Richmond.  We spent the night there, and the next day did the park.  When I passed that park on this trip, I looked up, and that's what really reminded me of that trip.  I can't say I really liked Kings Dominion.  The only thing I remember about it is the water park. However it was a very large reminder of those times.  Wife and I are older now; grey is beginning to streak her hair, and we now have a child, but I do miss those times.  They will never be back, and that's there's nothing I can do about that, but I still cried about it.

After nine and a half hours on the road, I finally made it to Ally's,  and yes, I was exhausted but happy to be there.  It was wonderful seeing Ally and Jay.  They welcomed me with open arms, and gave me a quick drink.  Ally then told me that I had approximately ten minutes to change clothes and freshen up before we had to go to dinner.  That's not a lot of time.  It made me think it that it used to take me 2 hours to do my makeup, and it never even looked good back then.   Now I'm a lot faster at it, and I think it looks better, but is that practice or the hormones?  Or both?  In any case, I quickly threw on another dress, touched up my makeup, and we were out the door. We went to an upscale diner near Barcode: Tarrant's Cafe,  (Barcode being a bar that I've been to a few times.)  There we met a gay couple. Rather, I thought they were a couple, but they weren't: they were just a couple friends.  Dinner was wonderful.  I had a calzone.  I was very tired, so I my side of the conversation wasn't exactly sparkling.

At Barcode with the gorgeous Ally

After dinner, we went to Barcode.  As always at Barcode, everyone was extremely friendly.  Several people recognized me, and it was wonderful to see them again.  I sat down and had the first Long Island iced tea I had in a long time.  Ally, as usual, was buzzing around the place.  Everyone knew her and she knew everyone.  She was absolutely the life of the party!  I sat with Jay and listened to his friends talk.  I spoke a little bit as well, but in the end I was too tired to do anything.  I didn't even finish my drink before it was time to go.  Soon afterward returning to Ally's house, I was in bed and soon was asleep.



The next morning I slept in a little bit.  It was going to be a long day. Ally made us breakfast, and it was very good.  I usually don't have any breakfast, so it was a special treat for me.  After that, we sat around for a while and talked.  She showed me some of her new outfits.

We were going to go to a pool party.  I'd met the couple whose house we were going to, but I didn't realize how rich they were.  The house was absolutely gorgeous: it was a mansion!  I was completely overwhelmed by how wonderful it was!  When we arrived there were approximately ten people already in the pool.  It was a pool party, and I wore a bathing suit underneath my green sundress.  Everyone brought food except me, and I felt like an idiot.  And the food was absolutely wonderful!  I had a quick drink and sat in the shade, because I knew that if I stayed outside in the sun, I would FRY!  Eventually, I went into the water and had a little bit of a splash around.  Then I went to the Cabana, where Jay was sitting as well as a couple others.

Gorgeous Music Room 

Pool Scene 

Sophie Selfie

Inevitably discussion of politics came up.  The four people in the Cabana were all of the same mind; we all are scared to death of a Trump Victory.   We knew that would be the end of many things as we knew it, including any rights we have at this point.  Someone walked in that I hadn't seen- he was younger guy who I never met before, and he started pounding the Trump line, saying how immigrants were horrible.   "Immigrants were going to destroy this country, and then they would kill us long before Trump would have a chance to take away anything."

I turned and looked at him, and said "I am an immigrant.  Would you care to revise that statement?" He kept right on with it.  He said "Trump's wall is just a metaphor." I said "I know he wants to build a wall, and you'll notice that it's only on the southern border, not on the Northern border with Canada.  I wonder why that is?  It's a bigger border after all!"  I was beginning to get a little angry with him, because I could see right away that he didn't care about our rights- he only cared about keeping the people he didn't want (brown people) out of the country.  I repeated again that I was an immigrant, and he didn't even stop. Others intervened, so we agreed to disagree, and then I left the Cabana disgusted.



I went inside had a little more to eat, fix myself another drink.  I took off my green dress, tying it around my waist.  I eventually would ditch it on a chair along with my purse, and get into the pool.  The water felt wonderful, and everybody really was so welcoming.  Most of the people remembered me from previous parties, and it was wonderful to speak to them again.  Most of them are very accomplished men in their fields.  There were Judges, CEOs, etc, and they were all wonderful people.  It was like a little family of Their Own.  I was told that eventually everyone would probably be naked and having a good time.  The estate was big, and no one could see in.  However I didn't see any of it, really.  Well, not until we were ready to leave.  Rumors that I was topless are completely exaggerated.

We had a wonderful time, and eventually we got back on the road. Sunburnt and tired, we headed back to Ally and Jay's place.  When we arrived, I promptly went upstairs and took another nap.

I hate when sweat off all my makeup!  When I awoke, I had to start all over!

Ally and I then went to Babes of Carytown, a lesbian nightclub that we'd visited in previous trips.  It was empty at first, but filled up quickly.  While there, we bumped into a transwoman that neither of us had met before: Allison.  Allison is a gorgeous brunette whose wife knows about her feminine side.  She is so much fun!  Despite my weariness, she made me perk right up!

With Ally and Allison at Babes

Ally and I were both tired, and neither of us liked the music, so we left early.  We discussed music on the way back to her place, and how different it was when we were coming up.  I felt so old.


The next morning, I woke early, and Ally made me a fantastic breakfast.  I did a quick job on my makeup, and got on the road.  I had one stop I wanted to make: Hollywood Cemetery.

As I have written somewhere in this blog, I love cemeteries.  Hollywood Cemetery is a huge place overlooking the James River.  It holds the resting places of 2 US Presidents (James Monroe and John Tyler), as well as Jefferson Davis, 28 Confederate Generals, and over 18,000 Confederate soldiers.  So much history!

 Monument to Confederate Dead

 I was enchanted by this.

 The "Iron Dog" guards the grave of a child

Family Plot 

General JEB Stuart and Wife 

President James Monroe.  The "Birdcage" is away being restored 

Beautiful Sculpture 

River view 

President John Tyler 

Were you in artillery or are you just glad to see me?

I spent an hour or so touring the beautiful grounds, taking many pictures.  I had to cut short my visit though, as I received news that my Daughter, just back from Europe, was quite sick.  While I guessed exhaustion, I wanted to get home as fast as possible.

On the way home, I called my dear friend Jenny North.  I was supposed to visit her, but couldn't.  She and I spoke for over an hour about her latest story.  She is an incredible writer!

As I entered Maryland, I received a call saying Daughter was ok: it was Exhaustion.  I was very relieved!  It would still be another week before I saw her, though.

As I passed Baltimore, I stopped at the site of Lisa Empanada's death as I often do.  The field has been planted, but the rows avoid her "spot."  I stayed a little while, talking to her and crying.

"Lisa's Spot"

Eventually, I arrived home.  It was a wonderful weekend.  Seeing Ally and Jay is ALWAYS such a treat.  They are truly amazing people!  (I wish Linda could've come along, but maybe next time.)

So Ally, it's YOUR turn to visit Pennsylvania!  :)


Be Well!

Ten Minute Makeup Job

 

Trans Books that Changed My Life

One of the people in my support group started this topic.  Most of the people chimed in quickly, but I held off.  Frankly I was too busy to write anything, but also because I wanted to narrow my field.

Most people chose the same books:  She's Not There, My Husband Betty, Whipping Girl, Wrapped in Blue...

I chose a couple of those, but not all.  My reasons are my own.

What follows is what I sent to the group, lightly edited for people's anonymity and to keep certain things private.

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I've given this a LOT of thought.  As a former English teacher (and current book store drone) I obviously read many many books.  But changed my life?  Well, some of them, weren't GD related when you first think about them.

She's Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan

This book needs no introduction as most of you have read it.  Jenny states in Stuck in the Middle With You that she realizes that her transition was very unusual, as everything broke her way.  It was one of the first books I read on the topic BY a transwoman.  And still one of the best.  I have had the pleasure of discussing this book with JFB, and reviewing it in this blog.  I've sold MANY copies of this book at the bookstore by recommending it.

Wrapped in Blue by Donna Rose

Another early TG read.  Donna's story is so inspirational.  She endured horrific pain, and came through it stronger.  I met Donna some years ago (she is my "big sister" Mel's "big sister") and many times since.  I am proud to call her friend.  Her conversational, candid writing style is a great influence on my blog.  She is still one of my heroines.  

On The Road by Jack Kerouac

Not a TG book by any stretch of the imagination.  But it was the first "non-traditional" book I read.  It opened my mind to the possibilities of the written word- of the sentence as music.  And, most importantly, that life is about the Journey.  We are all on this journey, with its unexpected twists and turns.  And the journey will continue long after I am gone for so many.  But I will try to make that road easier for others.  Another point I took from this book is that it's OK to be different.  And I was different...

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Another non-TG book, and another non-traditional book.  This book is the single biggest influence on my writing style, and in many ways, my way of looking at things.  Sometimes one must see the absurd and call it for what it is.  Take risks.  Write honestly- even if you have to use metaphor to cushion the blow of the Truth, but always write that Truth.  No matter what the consequences to oneself.  It took me many years to accept my Truth after hiding it for so long.  I'd forgotten that one key lesson.  Always be honest with yourself.

Trans sister Radio by Chris Bohjalian

A TG book by a major cisgender author.  I was planning my transition when I was recommended this book.  It's a bit dated, but the truth it contains is still valid:  not everyone accepts us... but we must accept ourselves.  

I am Not Myself these Days by Josh Kilmer Purcell

A memoir about an advertising executive by day and drag queen by night.  I read this before that fateful Halloween 2008 when I rediscovered myself, but the cracks were beginning to show.  I was ashamed to be seen reading the book, because I felt someone would guess my secret.  In this book, I discovered an underground world so vastly different than my own, populated by strange and wonderful people who were living far more genuinely than I was.  At the end of the book, there are crossdressing tips that I followed when getting ready for Halloween 2008.  I have met JKP several times, and we periodically message each other on Facialbook.  He offers constructive criticism of my writing.  He was another example of living one's life openly and truthfully.  I've sold MANY copies of this book at the bookstore by recommending it.

You may have noticed a common thread in these books.  That's the point I think.  In the end, despite all the pain, I am living honestly.  Books can teach us a great many things, as long as our mind is open to hearing what they say, and learning.

Be Well

Book review: "She's Not There; 10th Anniversary Edition" by Jennifer Finney Boylan

I've reviewed many books in my day.  I've done them on TG Forum and in my teaching jobs. 

I received a message from Professor Jennifer Finney Boylan asking bloggers to review her two new releases.  The first is She's Not There; 10th Anniversary Edition and the other is Stuck in the Middle with You.  Both were released a couple of days ago.

I agreed to do so.  The review of Stuck in the Middle with You will happen when I finish reading it.  Funny that.

As my fanatical readers will recall, I met Professor Boylan at the Keystone Conference, where she spoke.  She was kind enough to sign a copy of her book for me.  Full story here.

She told me to call her Jenny, so having said that, I will do so for the rest of this review.  Even though it's kind of informal.  But then again, so is this blog.  So there.  Nyah.

Disclosure:  She's Not There changed my life, and I'm a bit of a fan-girl.  That said, I'll be as impartial as I can... and as a professional educator and editor I can do impartial VERY well.

Right.  So what does one say about a book so many have already reviewed and read?  A quick search of the net reveals reviews by the New York Times, the Washington Post, etc. 

Well, that's easy- by discussing what I found in the book, and what it meant to me, and answering three important questions:

1) Why should someone who may be Transgender read this book?

2) Why should someone who ISN'T Transgender read this book?

3) Should the loved ones of a Transgender person read this book?

Ok, I encountered this book for the first time several years ago.  This was back when I was deep in denial.  I'd just finished reading Josh Kilmer Purcell's  I am Not Myself these Days, which is about a former drag queen.  A friend recommended I read Jenny's book as well.  So I did.  Never admitted to it to her though.  No, I'm not proud of that.

If you've never read it, (and if you haven't shame on you!  Run out and buy it right now.  I'll wait.)
She's Not There is Jenny's Journey.  She starts in her youth in Devon, PA (maybe two miles from where I sit typing this) in a Haunted House perfectly named Coffin House.  She discusses how she reacts to people.  And to herself and the growing knowledge of who she truly is.  Her journey has many interesting Ports of Call, including Ireland and exotic places like... Baltimore. 

And, not to spoil it, it discusses her transition to inevitable Womanhood.  She discusses how it affected her wife and friends.  Oh, did I mention she's friends with Pulitzer Prize winning author Richard Russo, and that he ALSO wrote an afterward to the book?  No?  Well I just did.

Jenny's prose is extremely engaging and draws the reader into her life.  I felt like a confidant, not a reader.  When I finished, I was left with a sadness... that I was leaving a friend behind.  I wanted to know more.  Fortunately, she had the second book available-  I'm Looking Through You: Growing Up Haunted.  That continued the story and explored different themes.

That story now continues in Stuck in the Middle with You.  Which, as I mentioned, I am reading, and will review.  And I'm savoring that book, btw.

Scholarly Enough?

So.  Reading Jenny's book was a very personal journey, and not just because of her prose style.  To drag a cliche screaming from the vault, it was like a Bomb went off inside me.  She Knew!  She knew how I felt... and that was dangerous.  Very.  After all, there was the denial thing.  I spun into a bit more of a depression until I managed to bury the feelings.  And when Sophie emerged some months later, I re-read the book.

Her story is like so many of ours.  Most of us know the pain she felt.  That said, the way she dealt with it is comforting.  The fact that she managed to rise above all the possible issues is nothing short of incredible.  Is hers a typical transition? 

IS there a typical transition?

No.  She was very fortunate, and she know it.  She gives all credit to her family.  Speaking of family, the new 10th anniversary edition has a new preface by the author and an afterward by her wife, Deidre. 

That's the bit that even people who have read the book before have not read.  So... is that bit alone worth the price of purchase?  I'll come back to that one.

So, the answer to question one:  Why should someone who may be Transgender read this book?

Because she tells our story.  Extremely Well.  So if you know the story, why read hers?  Because it's in the telling.  The WAY it's told.  The WAY she approaches it all.  She mixes pain and humor brilliantly.  One moment you're wallowing in her pain, the next laughing at an absurdity deftly chronicled.  One hell of a ride!

Why should someone who ISN'T Transgender read this book? 
See above.  If a cisgender person wants a window to our world, to understand how and why we are, this book is perfect. 

Should the loved ones of a Transgender person read this book?

Absolutely.  There are other books out there that address this audience very specifically (Helen Boyd's come directly to mind), but the reasons I cite above apply here as well.  Then there's the wonderful example of Jenny's wife and her perseverance.

Remember I mentioned that she wrote an afterward?  Bingo!  Her afterward is short, but powerful. In it, she discusses her side  of the saga.  She also discusses the feedback she has received, and she makes a very good point about it.  What was that point?  Read the book.

So, are the additional bits worth the price of repurchasing the book for people who have the previous edition?  (at your favorite local bookstore, naturally- keep them in business!)  I say Yes.  Jenny brings the story up to date and it's like catching up with an old friend.  Also, the aforementioned part by Deidre really lends the book perspective and another layer to ponder.  We can look into their lives, and feel maybe a little bit of comfort.

Comfort.  Ours is a lonely path.  Many times we sit alone, crying to ourselves and wishing the pain away.  Others have done this as well, though, if not all of us.  The greatest gift that books like She's Not There give us is to show us that we aren't the only ones who feel this way.  And sometimes, it can all work out.  And even if it doesn't, well sometimes we can laugh away the pain.

That's the joy of Reading.  Of Stories.  And of this Book.