Thursday, December 4th, 2008
Okay, I knew how to end this foolishness.
Unlike when I was a teen, there was something now called “the internet” where I could look up information and figure things out. After all—I held a Master’s Degree—I was supposedly smart.
Also, the internet was where I found my cheap wig, ugly shoes, and a waist cincher from a place called Glamor Boutique.
In any case, I discovered terms like crossdresser, transgender, and more. I also discovered there were people who specialized in transformation makeup, where they could make a guy up to look like a girl. One was up the road in Bethlehem, PA. Another was on Long Island, New York.
So—the plan. I knew how bad I looked on Halloween. Downright ugly. My friend Dawn was a competent makeup artist, but I wanted to try a specialist. When even they couldn’t make me look feminine, that could be the end of it. End of story. Solved. QED.
But… which to use? I knew nothing about either of them, except for the reviews on their websites.
One was in Bethlehem, PA, about an hour away. Hmm. Still close. I might stumble upon someone I knew. Long Island? Two and a half hours away. No chance of “chance” encounters.
Besides—the owner in New York was female. I wasn’t sure about the owner of True Colors. I didn’t feel comfortable being all “girled up” in front of a guy. Not yet anyway.
So I sent an email to Femme Fever. Eventually all was set. I paid in advance. I told my wife that I was going up to Penn State main campus for the day—meetings. Plausible, as I worked part-time as an instructional designer at the Great Valley branch campus.
Still, I hated lying to her. I really did.
The trip took forever, but I was only fifteen minutes late. Karen let me in, and we sat down to discuss what I wanted. But first, she gave me a bra that had pockets for breast forms, a pair of forms (looked like chicken cutlets), and told me to put them on. She left the room, and I did as she asked.
She returned and told me she did that, to quote, “put me at ease.” Got it. She was right.
We sorted out outfits, hair color, that sort of thing. The first outfit was a baggy orange sweater dress (yes, seriously) and a copper-colored wig.
After being dressed in the dress, hose, and shoes, she seated me on a barber’s chair in a room with a wall full of mirrors. I told her that I wanted to be surprised, so please turn me away from the mirrors. Karen did the makeup for about an hour and asked what name I was using. I told her Lisa but said it was not set in stone. What would she suggest?
As the makeup was finished, she stepped back and looked at me. She looked at me and said, “I have a strong feeling your name is Sophie.”
She then turned the chair around, so I faced the mirror and said, “Say hello to Sophie!”
I couldn’t believe it! I couldn’t believe that the person in the mirror was me! I didn’t see myself at all. I actually looked passably female. Or so I thought.
Also, I usually don’t ignore strong feelings, so I kept the name. In addition, Sophie is Greek for wisdom, and I can use all the wisdom I can get.
That woman in the mirror simply could not be me. There was no way…
She took pictures of me in that outfit and a few others. I ended up buying the pocket bra and the wig.
I was in deep trouble.
Saturday, December 20th, 2008
I needed help. In addition to the other terms and shopping, I found a support group that met in nearby Malvern called Renaissance.
I told my wife I was going to play D&D (another lie, damn it). I stopped in Valley Forge Park, tried to put on the waist cincher… which broke. I decided to find the place and change there. I pulled into the parking lot of an office park that looked rather empty. Did I have the right address? Then I saw someone walking toward the correct door. She wore a black, Goth-looking long dress and had very long, straight gray hair. I asked her if this was the right place for Renaissance.
She confirmed it was—in fact, she was the president. Her name was Rebecca, and she became a dear friend and mentor.
I arrived dressed in normal street clothes, and changed on site, scared as can be. I didn't bring any makeup. Well that’s really because I don't have any yet but that’s a minor detail. In any case, I wore a new white top and black skirt I recently bought, as well as the red wig from Femme Fever.
I looked like shit. But the girls made me feel right at home. Some could easily pass. Others like me, well... In any case, they were very open and welcoming. I felt I was among friends. In fact, I met many people who would become friends and mentors that night. And as a bonus, Renaissance was having a Christmas dinner at nearby Shangri-La, an Asian restaurant. That was—gulp—NEXT DOOR TO THE BOOKSTORE WHERE I WORKED.
I went anyway, as one of the girls spotted me the money to go. I was pretty broke.
I was terrified the whole night. What if someone I knew saw me? Or my car?
Turns out that Shangri-La has a TG night the third weekend of every month called Angela’s Laptop Lounge. The DJ, Angela, was one of the founders of Renaissance, and was editor of a transgender news website called Transgender Forum. Anyway, it was really crowded! I didn’t know there were so many people… like me. I felt myself easing into the role of Sophie. Or was it just the drinks? Does it matter? I was dressed and having a ball!
I spoke with two girls (one of whom became a dear friend) and mentioned this was my first night “out.” They looked at each other and said “Pandora’s box is open!”
They were absolutely right.
I stayed several hours, but eventually had to go. I changed in the car then drove home.
While at Renaissance, I also got some recommendations on local gender specialists. Maybe they could cure me?
Please?
I didn’t want to be a… freak.
No comments:
Post a Comment