My best man for my wedding and one of my oldest still with me friends came to town. Dr. Dave holds two doctorates- one in microbiology and one in dentistry- and he currently works for one of the Native American nations down in Arizona. I hadn't seen him in 2 years. He was one of the first people that I came out to, and he said that he would support me
I met Dave in elementary school. I believe we were in first or second grade. We became close friends in 4th grade, and then hung out together in high school (until I started working at Burger King.) We learned many games together, including Dungeons & Dragons, and in fact he is one of the main reasons I transferred to Penn State; having visited him a few times at the campus while I was at Drexel.
Dr. Dave and I have so many shared experiences, and there are a lot of nights that it was just him and me talking and drinking and discussing personal things, and yet he never knew about my inner Pain. I wouldn't let him know. I couldn't let anyone know.
He graduated a semester before me (I lost a year when I transferred and then I had student teaching) and he went to Rochester, New York, where he completed both of his phds. He also got married for a time up there. I rarely saw him when he was in Rochester. I would see him when he would come down to visit, and I on the rare occasion would drive all the way up to Rochester to see him- usually during cold weather for some reason, and during those times we always drank far too much
In any case that's a lot of History. Dave was in town to visit his son who is now 16. I don't know the exact circumstances of his relationship with his son's mother. I know that they got together after his marriage collapsed, and I know that they produced a son. However that's really all I know as I've never met her, nor have I met the son.
After Dave got his second doctorate, he did postdoc work at the University of Pennsylvania. While he was there, I saw him with some frequency- maybe twice a month. When we got together we would drink just like in the old days, and we would talk and make fun of are each other and the people we knew- laughing like the old friends that we are. Then he moved to Arizona to his current position.
I think I've seen him four times since.
Two visits ago, I met his current lady. It was at that conversation that I told him my Truth. He was accepting.
Last visit, he met the real Me.
He was in town again a week ago. His sixteen year old son was in town with his mother- they live in Switzerland. Dave rarely sees him. Dave was kind enough to make some time to see me, as he also had a lot of family obligations.
We met at Molly Maguires in Phoenixville. As always, Dave was late. Like, half an hour late. I chose to walk the mile and a half downtown from my apartment, because I didn't want to drink and drive, and I was STILL there first. (People who know me well know that I'm the picture of promptness.) (That's sarcasm.)
I sat at the bar, and I had a shot of scotch and a Guinness waiting for him. he eventually showed, and we moved to a table. We ordered wings and dinner. And we drank. We talked and laughed. It was like no time had passed. He told me he even reads this blog from time to time, which I really didn't expect.
After a while, we moved down the street to Iron Hill. I had a deck of cards in my purse, so we played a drinking game (Ace face.) Eventually, it was time to call it a night.
I walked the mile and a half home.
Had a bit of a problem overnight- a mild case of food poisoning. Dave had one as well. Guess the wings weren't cooked enough.
Dave's visit reminded me of several truths.
First is that friends endure, if the friendship is true. We've both changed so much since we met. If my transition made him uncomfortable, he didn't show it.
Second is it reminded me of how much I lost. My remaining old friends are Few in number, as most faded away after my transition. I was told to expect this- despite their solemn promises and entreaties that they were with me until the end.
And Third is that we are finite. Dave and I have known each other more than forty years. We are growing older. There are many things we can't do any more- especially drink like fiends. We both have had children, and they are growing up so fast. Someday, we will both be a memory.
I wonder if he will visit my grave.
I met Dave in elementary school. I believe we were in first or second grade. We became close friends in 4th grade, and then hung out together in high school (until I started working at Burger King.) We learned many games together, including Dungeons & Dragons, and in fact he is one of the main reasons I transferred to Penn State; having visited him a few times at the campus while I was at Drexel.
Dr. Dave and I have so many shared experiences, and there are a lot of nights that it was just him and me talking and drinking and discussing personal things, and yet he never knew about my inner Pain. I wouldn't let him know. I couldn't let anyone know.
Dr. Dave, 1987
He graduated a semester before me (I lost a year when I transferred and then I had student teaching) and he went to Rochester, New York, where he completed both of his phds. He also got married for a time up there. I rarely saw him when he was in Rochester. I would see him when he would come down to visit, and I on the rare occasion would drive all the way up to Rochester to see him- usually during cold weather for some reason, and during those times we always drank far too much
In any case that's a lot of History. Dave was in town to visit his son who is now 16. I don't know the exact circumstances of his relationship with his son's mother. I know that they got together after his marriage collapsed, and I know that they produced a son. However that's really all I know as I've never met her, nor have I met the son.
Dave at my wedding, April 1993
After Dave got his second doctorate, he did postdoc work at the University of Pennsylvania. While he was there, I saw him with some frequency- maybe twice a month. When we got together we would drink just like in the old days, and we would talk and make fun of are each other and the people we knew- laughing like the old friends that we are. Then he moved to Arizona to his current position.
I think I've seen him four times since.
Two visits ago, I met his current lady. It was at that conversation that I told him my Truth. He was accepting.
Last visit, he met the real Me.
Waiting...
He was in town again a week ago. His sixteen year old son was in town with his mother- they live in Switzerland. Dave rarely sees him. Dave was kind enough to make some time to see me, as he also had a lot of family obligations.
We met at Molly Maguires in Phoenixville. As always, Dave was late. Like, half an hour late. I chose to walk the mile and a half downtown from my apartment, because I didn't want to drink and drive, and I was STILL there first. (People who know me well know that I'm the picture of promptness.) (That's sarcasm.)
I sat at the bar, and I had a shot of scotch and a Guinness waiting for him. he eventually showed, and we moved to a table. We ordered wings and dinner. And we drank. We talked and laughed. It was like no time had passed. He told me he even reads this blog from time to time, which I really didn't expect.
After a while, we moved down the street to Iron Hill. I had a deck of cards in my purse, so we played a drinking game (Ace face.) Eventually, it was time to call it a night.
I walked the mile and a half home.
Had a bit of a problem overnight- a mild case of food poisoning. Dave had one as well. Guess the wings weren't cooked enough.
Dave's visit reminded me of several truths.
First is that friends endure, if the friendship is true. We've both changed so much since we met. If my transition made him uncomfortable, he didn't show it.
Second is it reminded me of how much I lost. My remaining old friends are Few in number, as most faded away after my transition. I was told to expect this- despite their solemn promises and entreaties that they were with me until the end.
And Third is that we are finite. Dave and I have known each other more than forty years. We are growing older. There are many things we can't do any more- especially drink like fiends. We both have had children, and they are growing up so fast. Someday, we will both be a memory.
I wonder if he will visit my grave.
Dave and I at Iron Hill, Oct 2017
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