Thursday, February 2, 2017

Proceedings: January 2017

A few major things happened this month, but I haven't written about them.  Why?  Well, lots of reasons.

First was the end of the United States of America.  It ended January 20 when a fascist was elevated to leader.  I don't think I need to say any more there.  LGBT, especially transpeople, are in BIG trouble.  As I've written before- I sincerely do not believe I will live to see the end of his reign- and it will not end peacefully.

I was going to ditch the blog and concentrate on writing letters and emails to government officials to fight this evil.  However, recently I decided I can do both.  After all- one of Pennsylvania's senators, Toomey, has shut down all ways for constituents to reach him.  Our voices do not matter to the GOP.

Millions took to the streets to protest Cheeto Mussolini and his Legion of Doom.  I was not among them.  I was with Wife as she was buying a new car. It took so long, I had to call out of work. I was there because I had to sign off on the trade-in as my dead name was on the registration of the old one.  The guy at the car dealership purposefully misgendered me, AFTER being told I'm trans.

At the dealership.


On Sunday January 22, it was a rainy, cold and miserable day.  I drove into the city to audition for a play:  The Vagina Monologues.  I saw that a dear friend of mine, Isabelle Nicole Herman, was doing it up in Bethlehem.  And i thought about how i would LOVE to have that courage.  So I googled Vagina Monologues Philadelphia, and found that there was an upcoming production which was having try outs... and they wanted people with no stage experience.  Well, I've spoken to large groups of people (and sung to small groups) but I'd never been in a play.  So it was that on this miserable day, I drove into Philly- to the Sedgwick Theater.  I'd written a piece on the topic of "Violence in the Workplace," had help from friends (especially Jennell Jaquays- THANK YOU!), and rehearsed it many times, much to my roomie and bestie Linda's dismay.

I managed to find the theater and park nearby.  (A miracle!)  I was the first supplicant to arrive.  There was a small table there, and two women (one of whom unlocked the door to let me in out of the rain.)  I never had done this before, so I didn't know if I had to wait for everyone else to arrive, if we'd be doing this in the theater proper, or what.  I had to use the restroom BADLY, but I was asked to perform immediately.  So, I did.  I read my piece exactly as it was, with four part harmony and full orchestration and all the phenomena...  sorry.  Got carried away.

High Hair in the wind after Audition

I was asked if I would want to also perform a part written for transwomen.  I said "sure."  But I wondered if that meant my piece was rejected.  No- I'd do both.  Eventually, other women arrived, including two other transwomen.  Long story short (too late) I was in.  I will be on stage.  A few days later, I recruited my dear friend Kara to the play.  She will outshine me big time- she is just that good at everything- and that's fine by me.

I made a video of my audition piece.  Find it HERE.

If you want to see me make an utter fool of myself, buy tickets HERE.  But be quick- it's a small theater and WILL sell out fast (if it hasn't already.)


The following Sunday was sunny and cold.  I'd signed off, as there was a convention I wanted to attend.  It was a benefit for an old friend: Hugh Casey.

I first met Hugh in May 1993.  We'd both answered an ad for a Dungeons and Dragons group.  That day I met several people with whom would become very dear friends:  Hugh, Mari, and Deb (who I used to refer to in this blog as "A.")  Also that day, I met Big Al, gone these five years.  Hugh became a fixture at my games until I moved to Baltimore in November 2004.

While I lived in Baltimore, Hugh started running Philcon, which is a large science fiction convention.  He brought happiness and fun to many people.

After I returned from Baltimore in September 2003, I eventually got a job with Vanguard.  Hugh worked there as well, but in a different division.  We were in the same building though, so I saw him regularly.  We'd spoken of getting a new gaming group together, but it never happened.  Still hasn't.

In any case, Hugh has cancer.  And he's unemployed with no insurance.  So this convention was a fund raiser for Hugh, put on by his friends, especially the gorgeous Avi..  Did I mention how many lives Hugh has touched?  Many.

Ready to beam up!

So I said I'd donate a few pieces to a silent auction.  That morning, I dressed in my Star Trek uniform, and drove into Philly to the University of Pennsylvania campus.  There, in a building called the Rotunda, was HughCon.

I donated a VERY rare game, a rare Star Wars toy, and a one of a kind piece I made in 2002.  It was in White Dwarf magazine, Troll magazine and all.  I built it, wrote the scenario (which appeared in the book Warhammer Skirmish: "The Lost Tomb of Hamon Ra", and hand-painted the walls.

Page from White Dwarf

I KNOW the game sold.  The other stuff, I don't know.  I put together a flickr page with pictures of the Tomb, if you're interested.

When I arrived, I unloaded the car.  I quickly saw Avi; her mother the amazing Lorraine Anderson (of Occasional Woman); the Man of the Hour: Hugh... and no one else I knew.  Everyone was busy setting up (as I arrived early to deliver the pieces) so I did my best to stay out of the way.

I met some wonderful people there.  This was my kind of crowd:  Geeks.  Sci-fi, gaming, Trek... I was in my element.  I had a discussion with a young woman about what would happen if you put a Bag of Holding into a Portable Hole while inside a Tardis.  We concluded that if an answer were to be had to that dimensional quandary, this crowd would be the place to find it.

So, if I was in my element... why did I feel so alone?

Most of the time, I stood near walls, just watching.  The people I knew were busy, and Hugh was constantly surrounded by friends.  Eventually, another old friend, Mike, arrived, and we talked a little.   I didn't want to be a bother.  Everyone knew each other, except me.  Or so it seemed.  I met SOME people, yes.  But I just... I don't know.  Something inside me held me back.

With Hugh and Avi

There were three women I clocked as trans, but I didn't want to "out" them, so I only spoke to one.  She had to know I was trans as well.  I saw a transman as well- same thing.  I REALLY wanted to connect with them- I mean, they were Trans geeks, as am I.  Or I was.  I've been out of the scene for so many years.

And maybe that was it- I felt disconnected from it all.  Like I didn't belong.

Familiar territory.

And it made me retreat into my cocoon.

I left early.  I wanted to get home, and I knew it would take a LONG time with traffic (and it did.)


On Tuesday, January 31, I had some things to do.  On the way back, I went to Baltimore.  Why?  Well, one of my dearest friends, Major Kimberly Moore, was there.  We met for lunch at Red Brick Station, one of my old haunts.  It's always wonderful to see her.  She recently was forced from her home for being Trans.  However, she is Strong.  She'll be full time soon.  And, she'll be far more successful at it than I am.

She is simply amazing.

Fat chick with a True Heroine

While in Baltimore, I stopped at the spot where Lisa died.  I also made some inquiries about getting certain paperwork for the book I'm writing about her.  While at her spot, I had another one-sided conversation with her.  As always, I cried.  I miss her so much.


I guess in the end, the reason I didn't write was Me.  I spent a lot of the month fighting the Darkness.  I just went through the motions.  At work.  Home.  I go to work.  Come back to the apartment.  Watch a movie and eat dinner with Linda.  Go to bed early.  Rinse.  Repeat.

I've been having nightmares every night- there are things I have to do, and I continually am lost in a labyrinthine nightmare parody of places I know.  I'm always late- always lost.  And recently, I was even burned at the stake for being "different" by people I care about.

Writing in the Darkness is very difficult anymore.  I'm just so tired.

So.  There you have the events of January 2017.  Faithfully submitted, Sophie Lynne.  Sergeant at arms.

Be well.

1 comment:

  1. Life will go on, you will continue to develop and be an inspiration to many. The American will realise the error of their ways and revert to decency and the slow march towards civilisation will resume. You just need to be strong and resist for the next four years. I know that's easy for me to say from over here in the UK, but we do have our own shit storm being kicked up here as well.