Saturday, December 3, 2016

Insomniac Eyes.

It's midnight, and I'm still awake after having gone to bed an hour ago. I just took some melatonin, as I don't think I'll be able to sleep without it.  Tonight, as always on nights when I can't sleep, my mind is racing.

As most of you know, I wear glasses most of the time. I need them to see. I rarely wear contacts, because they bother my eyes, and, besides, their prescription is two prescriptions old.

I wear bifocals, even though I'm only fifty.

Sometimes, late at night, I walk into the bathroom, turn on the light, and see myself in the mirror without my glasses.  When I do, I see a blur.

These days, I see a blur of long hair and breasts, and I could be mistaken- without having my glasses on- that this blur is a Woman- maybe even a pretty one.

It's amazing the way that bad eyes can fool you.

I have often been told that I have my father's eyes. They are blue with maybe just a touch of green, and I've always considered them my best feature. They are deep-set, which, when I pretended I was a guy, wasn't a problem.  However, now it's an extreme impediment.

But still they are Blue, and still they are my best feature- not that anyone looks at them anymore.  Not in a long time.

I see them all the time.  Every time I look into the mirror.  And when they're made up; with mascara, eyeliner, and eyeshadow, I could almost be fooled into thinking that these are the eyes of a Woman.  What is the difference between a man's and a woman's eyes?  The funny thing is that my daughter has my eyes, so in a way she has her grandfather's eyes, yet her eyes are not deep set.  And her eyes are feminine.

See Me

I think the difference between men's and women's eyes is that a woman's eyes tend not to be as guarded- you can see more of their soul.  You can see kindness, or happiness.  Or Pain.  Men guard their souls- they guard their eyes.  Their eyes tend to be colder.  However, a rare man allows you to see his eyes- allows you to see their soul.  These are the ones who, for whatever reason, women don't want to date.  These are the ones who've been hurt so many times that they can't hide the pain anymore.  Perhaps, emotion in a man's eyes is seen as a weakness.

I don't know.

So what is it I see when my blurred eyes look into the mirror?  At the distorted reflection?  Is that truly a woman who stares back at me, or is that blur the truth of my soul?  Perhaps my entire life is simply



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