Once again, I say you over-estimate me. I am not strong. I am barely hanging on by my fingernails. Bluntly, all of my Hope is gone.
I knew the risks and trials of transitioning before I did it. But I had Hope. I hoped beyond hope that somehow, someway, I could complete the journey- that one day I could be a complete woman. I see now that this will never happen. I will never have the money, and all the fellowships to which I apply for help laugh my application right into the waste bin. Insurance? Never happen. Not in my short lifetime.
When I decided to transition, I did so with Hope. I Hoped that somehow, someway, I could make it work. That my luck Had to change. That ANY change had to be positive. And it was: I found a Peace I’d never known in my life. The friends I’d made since realizing who I am are FAR closer to me than most friends I’d had in my male life, with the exception of my wife.
I am trapped walking between genders: neither fully man nor woman. A mockery.
Without Hope, there is no life.
I am weak.