At work, one of my coworkers asked me how my transition has affected my friendships.
And I thought about it.
I told her I figured I'd lost over half of my friendships that I had before I transitioned. She was shocked by this. I'm not.
A lot of people expressed their support all those months ago (has it been 11 months already?) and promptly fell off the face of the earth. To be fair, in many cases I have been far too busy to keep up as well. I work; I write; I sleep.
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But let's face it- I am no longer considered "normal" or "One of the guys." I've changed teams in the most extreme way possible. Still, so many friendships... gone.
This is actually a blessing in disguise. Or not in disguise. Let me put it this way- I now know who my True friends are. And I know those who couldn't weather this Storm. I know who will stick with me no matter what. These people all now know my deepest secret.
That's another topic I discussed with a coworker (both these discussions were on break btw- we don't usually have time for a discussion while on the floor.) We discussed secrets, and this coworker's particular disgust with them. She hates secrets. I laughed. I said I have no more secrets. And it's true. I had a HUGE secret that I kept from everyone- even myself for all those years. Some secrets are bad; some not. It's not my place to judge. I pointed out that I HAD to keep my secret lest I lose my marriage, my abode, possibly my job... and who knows what else. I'd lose friends.
Now the secret is out. I'm losing my marriage, lost my home, kept my job fortunately... and lost friends.
But not all of them. And maybe some of the ones who went away my drift back. Or not. But if nothing else, they now all know a transperson.
I AM blessed. I know who I am. I live authentically. And I know whom I can count on when things go bad.
Not bad, I'd say!
And I thought about it.
I told her I figured I'd lost over half of my friendships that I had before I transitioned. She was shocked by this. I'm not.
A lot of people expressed their support all those months ago (has it been 11 months already?) and promptly fell off the face of the earth. To be fair, in many cases I have been far too busy to keep up as well. I work; I write; I sleep.
February 2015- 11 months full time
But let's face it- I am no longer considered "normal" or "One of the guys." I've changed teams in the most extreme way possible. Still, so many friendships... gone.
This is actually a blessing in disguise. Or not in disguise. Let me put it this way- I now know who my True friends are. And I know those who couldn't weather this Storm. I know who will stick with me no matter what. These people all now know my deepest secret.
That's another topic I discussed with a coworker (both these discussions were on break btw- we don't usually have time for a discussion while on the floor.) We discussed secrets, and this coworker's particular disgust with them. She hates secrets. I laughed. I said I have no more secrets. And it's true. I had a HUGE secret that I kept from everyone- even myself for all those years. Some secrets are bad; some not. It's not my place to judge. I pointed out that I HAD to keep my secret lest I lose my marriage, my abode, possibly my job... and who knows what else. I'd lose friends.
Now the secret is out. I'm losing my marriage, lost my home, kept my job fortunately... and lost friends.
But not all of them. And maybe some of the ones who went away my drift back. Or not. But if nothing else, they now all know a transperson.
I AM blessed. I know who I am. I live authentically. And I know whom I can count on when things go bad.
Not bad, I'd say!
Hi Sophie,
ReplyDeleteIf these "friends" don't stick with you as you align your outside to your inside gender, then they really weren't your friends in the first place. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Stay strong Lady,
-Alana
Hi Sophie. I couldn't agree more with you and I love your positive attitude. What you have now are your true friends. As Alana says, good riddance.
ReplyDeleteI featured this post on T-Central.
Calie
Thank you! I'm honored! :)
DeleteSo you know who is lacking in moral fibre and are well rid of them. You sacrificed yourself for so long to protect the prejudice of others and then they show their real colours.
ReplyDeleteAs hard as it is to be out and transition it is nothing like the constant torment of living a lie and in perpetual fear of being found out.
The more people who cannot say that they have never known a transsexual the better it will be for us and those who need the courage to follow us. You look fabulous which is even better!
Live long and prosper.
I've got to second Coline's last sentence. Sophie, you look fab!!
DeleteIt's the feeling of 'living honestly' that I most appreciate, looking back on the transition process. It's a phrase I can use in any conversation with someone who isn't trans, and can't immediately see what the driving forces were. They might not understand the personal sensation of feeling different, or trapped, or loathing one's appearance, but the idea of wanting an honest life with no secrets and no pretence IS comprehensible. And wanting it is noble, and reveals moral worth that any reasonable person must come to admire.
ReplyDeleteLosing friends - family too - is awful. But transition can also bring one into contact with many new friends who will empathise and support. If one is lucky, that can be a completely fair exchange!
Lucy