Friday, August 2, 2013

I Told Two Men...then Jamie

The circle grows.  "The deadly net of Knowledge."

In the space of two days, I told two people the Truth about myself.

Both were guys.  But their places in my life are very different.

The first is a former co-worker.  I'll call him Dave.  He lives with "E", whom I will now call Elizabeth.  Random names so I can re-use the letters.  If you'll recall, Elizabeth was the first "civilian" person I told about being Trans.  She was the person who helped me choose my outfit for that fateful Halloween 2008, when I reawakened.  And she met Sophie for the first time very recently.

Thursday, July 25.  So I asked Dave to meet me at Rock Bottom, where we used to hang out back when we worked together.  I arrived first and found a table in the bar.  I put money in the jukebox.  I waited.

Maybe ten minutes later they arrived.  And my stomach went through the floor.  I was suddenly VERY nervous.  You see, I'd told two others before about being Sophie.  And they were both women. 

This time, I was telling a Guy.  A Guy I'd known for several years.  And I was about to tell him... that I was a Woman.

No pressure or anything.

They sat down and we talked about their jobs overseas.  We toasted absent friends.  Ordered nachos.

I previously told Elizabeth that I would be telling him that night.  She knew what was coming. 

I told Dave about my wife wanting me to move out... and didn't tell him why.  At first.

I pulled one of my business cards from my pocket and held it in my palm.  I asked him if he had any idea why this was happening.  He replied he didn't.

I then slid the card over to him, face down.  He turned it over.

He saw my true face.

Picture on my Business Card

And looked at me.  I said "That's me.  I'm Sophie Lynne.  I'm transgender."

He stared at the card for a few moments.  I told him that Elizabeth knew.  And that so did M. 

He started asking the usual questions, which I answered.  And he said "Ok.  I'm still your friend.  This changes nothing."

I've seen him twice since then.  And he treats me the same as he ever did.  On Monday he and Elizabeth fly back to Turkey.

As to the second person, I told him on Friday July 26.   Let's call him "R."  I met him at Rock Bottom as well.  In fact I sat in the same seat, at the same table in the bar where a day earlier I'd told Dave.  R was late, as always.  I had an order of wings as I waited. 
When he arrived, we toasted with shots of Sambuca (we always toast with this)  to his late Father and to our mutual late Friend.  (I discussed his passing in my TG Forum column HERE.) 
I wrote about the encounter the following morning on Facebook:

LAST NIGHT I told my friend of 34 years about Sophie. 
He was special forces. Is a Man's man. We had a few drinks, talked about a few things, like my home situation. He kept talking about honesty and trust. Kept saying that. So I told him I'd been lying to him all our lives.

And I told him the truth. Took an hour.

And he Cried.

This Soldier... this Man... who I've known all my life, who didn't cry when he divorced or when his beloved father died... Cried.

... He cried for me.
And he grabbed me by the shoulder... and said "I will always have your back." And he repeated that. 

Again and again.
I dropped him off at his hotel (he's visiting from overseas) and drove home at 2 AM.

This person I've known since junior high school. He was in my wedding, as I was in both of his (the second I was best man at the renewal of vows, as the actual ceremony was very private.)  He once told me he would "take a bullet for [me.]"  As I would for him.

Of all the people I consider my oldest friends, our old circle, R was the one I feared telling the most. I WOULD die for him, which is why I felt he deserved to be told face to face.  I feared that he would reject me out of hand as a traitor to manhood.
As I mentioned, he kept discussing how Honesty is the foremost quality of a man. That there are many qualities and "they blend like the metals we mix to make a good sword" quoting one of our mutual favorite movies.  But honesty is above all.  And then I told him.
Like all relationships when this is told to a person, there was a Before and an After.  I've never seen R cry before.  Ever. 
I've always looked up to R.  I've always thought he was what a Man should aspire to be: intelligent, physically amazing, funny, etc.  When he went into the military, I so wished I could be him.  He was my hero.  This was despite his many flaws; his womanizing, drinking, taking things too far. 
Then I saw him Cry.
And I admire him so much more. 

I saw R twice after that- once at a picnic and the day after, and nothing had changed.  Yet.  We've exchanged several emails discussing the process where he urges caution. 

Caution. I'm changing the course of my life.  To not think this through would be foolish indeed.  Yes, I'm being cautious.

So a week has passed since those nights.  And all is well where that is concerned.  No, I'm not posting entries as fast as I should, but I need time to reflect on them myself.  I can do no less.  Oh, and my readers deserve no less.  Or no more.  Or whatever.  Your mileage may vary.
Yet there was one other person who I felt I needed to tell.
On Thursday, August 1, I attended a game night at M's house.  In attendance, among others, were Dave and Elizabeth, also someone I worked with at the bookstore years ago (and her husband.) I'll call her the random name "Jamie."

Jamie is much younger than I.  She is a voluptuous woman, and possesses a beauty, internal and external, that takes ones breath away.  She is from Missouri, and like most people I know from there, Jamie is pleasant and plain speaking.  Where she differs is that mischievous look to her eye and the fire in her spirit.  She is almost as liberal as I, but manages not to piss people off with it like me.  Her husband is a VERY lucky man... and is worthy of her.
Jamie works in the publishing industry.  Like me, she lives for the Written Word.  As I only see her every few months, I decided that the best way to tell her about Sophie would be for her to read about it.  During Thursday night, one of the topics discussed was writing and blogging.  Later, as I was preparing to leave, I mentioned to her that I had a blog.  I told her that it was quite a secret- that my name appeared nowhere in or on it (A bit of a fib.  My drab name doesn't appear.)  She said she'd love to read it.  I told her M and Elizabeth had read a bit of it, and that Dave was aware of it, but probably hadn't read it.  And that she must keep her knowledge of it, and everything therein, a Secret from the world- even her husband.  She agreed.
Today, I messaged her on my drab FB.  She said she was willing to keep it secret.  I sent her the link- just like this:  LINK.  I told her in the email that I would answer any questions she had either via email or phone.
And I waited. 
I finished the weeding from a couple weeks ago.  Wife says I did a good job.  MIL said it "it isn't done."
Scorched Earth
I went to lunch with my "Big Sis" Mel.  She advised me to slow down the pace of telling people.  Probably a good idea.
On may way home, I called Jamie.  She was hanging out with her husband.  I asked her if she clicked the link.  She said she had.  I asked if we were still speaking.  She laughed.  "Of course!  I'll email you later about it!"  I told her I was relieved.  She laughed again, and said "You should know me well enough by now that I would support you in this!"  I thanked her.
So Jamie knows.  In the past week, I've raised the number of "Civilians" who know my Truth from two to six  (I told R he should tell his wife for me.  Yes, she's cool with it as well.)
Time will tell.  Maybe some or all of these people will drift away as they reflect more on what I've told them.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  As several of my Sisters have said, that will be the true test.
But in telling them, I tested myself.  My resolve.  My courage. 
My Honesty.
The Mark of a not just a Man, but also of a Woman...
Of a Human Being.


  1. Word will spread, depend upon it. But while you can, I'd continue to inform people you care for personally. To put it crudely, make sure you get your version in first.

    I think you are very lucky to have so many people in your life that you do cherish. Not every one will be able to handle the notion of Sophie, but if the news is carefully managed many will.

    I hope T-Central features you again in a little while, because coming out is (to my mind anyway) the very hardest thing about transitioning, and it's inspirational when anybody can get it right, or at least has amazing success at it. It's a consolation and an encouragement to hear about it!


  2. i agree with Lucy i have found it best to always come out on my own terms as she said getting my version in first. it usually opens when i mention my pale pink nail polish that i wear as both selves and progresses with why i got me ears pierced and wear pink safire studs much of the time also as both selves and finally i show them a conservatively dressed photo of me ( the one i use on my blog profile). and remember i am not planning on transitioning so i don't even have to come out but it has in the long run made my life easier as i no longer need to sneak around in the shadows.
    thasnk y9ou for sharing Sophie

  3. M'dear, you are a light. <3

  4. wow! you have got great friends and a lot of courage!