Snake Subaru Sophomore Summer Start

I don't remember if I've told this story before.  Heck, I've been telling you stories for so long that even I don't remember the beginning (which was December 2008, btw.)

I drive a lot to see Wife and Daughter in South East Pa (SEPa), so I listen to audio books.  I just finished Brothers by Alex Van Halen.  It was excellent and raw.  In any case, it reminded me of an event in my life that was more important than I thought at the time.

This happened in June 1982, on the last day of finals- the last day of my sophomore year.  I forget the exact date, and it doesn't matter.  The day was sunny and glorious.  

I had few friends at that time.  Two of those were the people that I played D&D with- Dr. Dave and Snake.  Snake obviously isn't his real name- it was a nickname given for a really, well, stupid reason, but it stuck.  Of the three of us, I was the youngest.  In June 1982, I was 15.  But Snake was 16... and now had a driver's license.  

Oh, to have a license!  To escape the confines of our small town- to go wherever we'd like: to the mall, get food, whatever... without having parents drive us!  THAT was freedom!  

Snake was allowed to drive his mum's beige '75 Subaru (which looks eerily like the photo below.)  Snake's dad owned a garage, and Snake was busy restoring an MG-A convertible.  I'll come back to that.  

1975 Subaru

That day, Snake had the Subaru.  Dr. Dave, Snake, and I had the same final exam.  As we all lived in Spring City, he offered to drive us home.  When we got into the car, Snake suggested we go to the King of Prussia (KOP) mall, which was like Mecca for teens of our area (and was, and still is, one of the largest malls in the world.)  Going there always meant parents driving.  But... not that day.

The first stop was my house.  We were listening to WMMR on the radio, and they were playing Van Halen Dancing in the Street (cover of the Marvin Gaye song made famous by Martha and the Vandellas).  The volume was turned WAY UP.  When I jumped out of the car to drop off my school stuff, the whole street HAD to hear it!

In a way, this was an announcement to all- I was no longer a Child, I was a Teenager!  I had no idea what that would mean, but there I was!  Loud and rude- like all the teenagers I'd seen on TV, movies, or in life!  Who cares if the music was too loud?  Or how annoyed the neighbors on the street would be?  It was like a Declaration of Independence.  

1962 MG-A just like Snake's.  Maybe it is his?

So we went to the mall.  I don't remember anything about that trip, but if it was anything like a typical mall trip from later high school, we walked around the mall (which, back then was an oval with a branch sticking out).  In the early 80s there had been an update to the mall as well as the construction of a new mall next to it: the Court, which opened in 1981.  That was the mall for rich folks- VERY 80s.  It's still there, but since another update on the original mall made it much fancier, it looks like the dated old part.  

While walking around, we always stopped at Allied Hobbies to look for new AD&D stuff, the Listening Booth record store (where I worked briefly), the food court, and, of course the arcade: Space Port.

I miss arcades- with their low lights to make the screen easier to see, and the great games.  True escapism.

So, what's my point?  Well, I really don't have one.  Maybe there's a metaphor to my "coming out" almost 32 years later.  After all, I was 'crossdressing' then- it was my Dark Secret.  My Shame.  But, you know what?  I think, that for that moment in time, that particular event- I felt accepted and Happy.  

Be well. 

For Jennell

 Jennell Jaquays passed away early on Wednesday, January 10.  She was 67.  She was recovering from Guillain-Barré syndrome.  From the GoFundMe:

“On Sunday evening on October 15th, she fell ill and with[in] 36 hours she was barely alive and hooked up to a respirator. After numerous X-rays, cat scans and blood work finding nothing, they determined she is suffering from a neurological disease. She is responding to the blood treatments and has started regaining motion in her hands and feet, she is looking at a minimum of 2 weeks (more like 4) in the hospital and six to twelve months of rehabilitation.” (https://www.gofundme.com/f/jennell-jaquays-has-a-long-road-back?utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet&utm_content=facebook_cta_variant&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook)

 

Jennell was a legend in both the Role Playing Game world and in the computer gaming world.  As such, many different website, blogs, and sub stacks have posted wonderful tributes and histories of her. Even the New York Times published a tribute!

 

I won’t repeat all those things.  Yes, they are matters of Fact.  But Jennell was my friend as well as being a legend.  I want to write about that- the Jennell I knew.  One facet of an incredible person.  I know whatever I write won’t capture how I feel or who it is that we’ve all lost.  I’ll try though.

 

Self portrait via New York Times (link above in text)

I first encountered Jennell’s work years before either of us transitioned.  In 1993, I was working as a freelance editor for TSR, the company that created and published Dungeons and Dragons.  My assignment was to edit an adventure module called Swamplight by Jean Rabe.  I did general editing, including checking illustrations, etc.  One piece I was sent was the cover, which was by someone named Paul Jaquays, whom I knew by reputation only.  I knew they’d written some epic adventures for other companies as well as art for TSR. 

 

Decades later, I heard about someone in the gaming industry who’d transitioned.  I was building up toward that myself, so I messaged her on Facialbook, and she was kind enough to reply.  She let me ask her a lot of questions, and eventually we became friends.  We bonded over our common gaming interests and our time working for the gaming industry (which, for me, was in the past.)  We shared tips for painting miniatures and sent each other goofy memes.  I was honored that she asked me to dome editing work for her, including writing a piece for her new Central Casting book, which will be published posthumously.

 

When she fell ill, everyone who knew her was concerned, and were willing to do whatever we could to help.  Her wife, Rebecca (a computer legend herself), set up a GoFundMe to defray the huge medical expenses.  Jennell seemed to be slowly recovering, then… she didn’t.

 

Like so many, I was stunned.  I’m still numb.  I can’t imagine what her wife is enduring now.  As per her wishes, Jennell will be cremated wearing her Viking helmet and outfit.  If nothing else, this tells you all you need to know about her.

 

Jennell was a true polymath- a genius in so many ways.  She was a beautiful soul, and her life touched so many others that she never even met.  I will treasure our friendship, and miss her dearly. 

 

Sleep well, Jennell.  May the four winds blow you safely home.

 

 

Scitman

Back in summer 1982, so much was changing in my world.  I was fifteen, with sixteen (and a driver's license) so tantalizingly close.  Some of my friends already were driving, and I envied their freedom.  They could leave this town and go to exotic places like MALLS and such without their parents.  It was the summer before my junior year in high school.  Local cable started carrying MTV which was brash, bold, and new at the time.  I was in my first summer of working at Burger King: a job which would define my high school 'social life' such as it was.  

And I was cross-dressing.  Whenever my parents went to the house down in Delaware, I stole chances to be feminine.  I'd ordered clothes from the Sears catalogue and used water balloons for boobs.  I felt what I was doing was absolutely wrong, and I didn't understand the compulsion.  I knew it was dangerous, and that the consequences for being caught would be extreme.

Still, I had a small group of friends- kind of two.  One group was the "D&D group" which consisted of Dr2Dave and another guy (who is now an MD), as well as "R".  I'm still friends with two of them.  The other group was among a group who orbited around a rather large baby faced guy we called Scitman.

Scitman was tall and very strong.  He was a lineman on the school football team, an outdoor sports enthusiast, and a genuinely nice guy.  However, among this particular group, Scitman was best known for his ability to belch, loud and long.  He could belch the entire alphabet at one go.  Childish, I know, but we were in our early teens.  

Occasionally joining us (usually on the basketball court) was a girl I'll call Pam.  Pam was tall, athletic (varsity girl's basketball) and incredibly smart.  In fact she was one of the top three of our class in GPA.  I think she had a crush on another guy in the group, who I'll call Bill.  Bill was also an outdoor enthusiast, loved basketball and bad jokes.  In any case, usually the group was me, Bill, and Scitman.  

Original Page One pencils

Back then, I really wanted to be a comic writer/artist.  I was also very much into D&D (go figure.)  In addition, I REALLY wanted people to like me, despite me being undersized and, well, different.  After all, I had this dark secret: cross dressing!  (Ominous crash of thunder).  I'd done a few short subject comics in ninth grade for my friends, and was published in the local newspaper for a while.  One day I bought a hardcover sketchbook and decided to fill it with a comic- a D&D comic, but one that people would like (D&D wasn't popular then.)  

And so Scitman the Barbarian was born.  I'd draw two or three pages at a time, usually while watching MTV.  On days that I wasn't working, I'd walk over the bridge to Royersford (where Scitman and the others lived, and try to find them- which I usually did, at the basketball courts.  There I'd show them the new pages, hoping to get laughs.  Sometimes I did- sometimes I didn't.  In any case, I enjoyed doing it, and saw the book as practice for my hopeful career. 

Page One Inked

Some of the poses I blatantly stole from Frank Miller's Daredevil, in both books I and II.  Also, some of the scenes have graphic violence, which was a way for me to release all the anger and frustration, as well as helplessness I felt.  Unfortunately, a few characters late in book I (a little in book II as well) are crude stereotypes that my 15 year old small town mind found amusing.  Looking at them now, I cringe.  Still, I'll ink them as drawn, and note that it was inappropriate then and now (like they do on Looney Tunes cartoon compilations.)  In any case, it's not like anyone will see them, as I don't intend to publish them.  This is an exercise in completion for me.

I finished the first book on July 29, 1982.  98 pages of cartoons- all in artists pencils.  My little circle loved it.  I bought another sketchbook and started on a sequel, imaginatively titled Scitman the Barbarian Book II.  

All Three Scitman books

I was a junior in high school.  Burger King had become my social life.  I was writing to various colleges for information (this was pre-internet) as I knew college was my only hope of escaping the small town where I was trapped.  People heard about Scitman, and the book was passed around the school.  In addition, I was practicing art and developing a portfolio.  Consequently, Scitman II had some new characters, again based on people I knew, new monsters and character types, and better artwork.  Looking back now at the two finished books, I could see the progression of my art as I did my best to improve my anatomical art and other aspects.  I finished Scitman II on April 22, 1983.  Would I continue?  Of course!  

This time, I couldn't find a sketchbook of similar size, so I bought a bigger one.  I decided that Scitman III would be inked and in color, but quickly abandoned that thought.  In this book, there were some new characters and villains, these taken from my BK friends among others.  I finished 56 pages of that book before stopping.  I'd fallen into deep depression after deciding to stop that cross-dressing foolishness and be a man.  In addition, I started training to be an Emergency Medical Technician.  And so, the Scitman saga ended.

From Scitman II

For my 10th high school reunion in 1995, I managed to photocopy (poorly) Scitman I, and gave copies to a few of the friends who appeared in it.  I didn't go to art school and wasn't a comic book writer artist.  I was selling toy soldiers for Games Workshop.  I dreamed of inking the books and somehow scanning them into a computer someday.  

Maybe five years ago, I bought artists pens from the book store where I worked.  I started inking Scitman, as I noticed the pencils were fading away after years in storage.  I didn't get far.  Recently, I broke out the pens again, and have been working on it again.  I'm more than 1/4 way through inking Scitman I now.  

From Scitman III

Time and transition has separated me from those friends.  All of them graduated from college and have lives and families.  At least one, Chuck, is dead.  I intend to finish inking at least book 1, and scan it in to the computer.  If I can finish both I and II, I'll then send the books to Scitman, whom I haven't spoken to in decades.  I think he'd still get a kick out of them.  After all, that was the point.  

Reading these books, I still see the kid craving attention, scared of what the future may hold.  In some ways, I'm still that kid- desperate to please others and craving acceptance.  However, I know now that acceptance will take more than me scribbling pictures- I'm just not that good at it.  I gave up on achieving acceptance long ago, as I never will.  Now, I just want peace.

In any case, in some universe somewhere, Scitman the Barbarian lives on, even if not from my pen.

(Addendum: I finished inking book 1 on Oct 31, 2022, over 40 years after I finished the pencil work.)

Be well.

From Scitman II

Collectables

I used to collect a great many things when I when I was first out of college (It's hard to collect anything when money is so tight.  That said, in college I collected hangovers), especially after I met Wife and I was able to get a relatively stable job in a game distribution company.   Go figure one of the things I collected were board games. I also collected miniatures, as well as Dungeons & Dragons books. One thing I saved my money to buy was a 1990 Captain America chess set, in pewter and brass.  I loved that, and couldn't wait until we had would have an actual house where it could be displayed.

Occasionally, I bought a comic book character statue.  Around that time, Wife and I collected video tapes of movies, because we didn't go out that much so at night we would drink wine and watch movies.  

This was a wonderful time.  I had friends with whom to game, money enough to pay the bills (as Wife made more than me, even at the beginning of her career.)  Our biggest expenses were my drinking and our weekly dinner date night.  

Unfortunately, my drinking was out of control and I spent a LOT. 

Wife is better with money than me. Things were looking up.  We were building a life Together.  Y'know, like normal people.  

At that point, I changed jobs.  When I took the job with Games Workshop, it also cut my income by a third.  I cut back expenses a bit, and started selling off a few things at conventions.  Eventually, we saved enough to buy a house.  I loved that house:  it was an end unit of townhomes, built with our input.  A dear friend who worked in construction built the deck for us.  Add to that, we shared a wall with an amazing couple (who are the best neighbors anyone could ever want) named Adam and Carol.  

We held many parties there, hosted some dinners, and eventually even got a dog.  And, finally, I was able to display my chess set.  Fortunately, it was not one of the things taken when the house was robbed.  My favorite times there were sitting on the couch with Wife after the day was done, drinking wine and listening to music.

Captain America Chess Set.  Pics swiped from an ebay auction.  Want it?  $524.00

Still, even with an occasional raise from GW, expenses were outpacing income.  Then, Wife was laid off.  

I began selling things I'd collected.  I began selling off comics.  Then the statues, one by one.  Board games that I didn't play for whatever reason.  Out of production miniatures.  Miniatures I'd painted.  Books.  Eventually, I sold some of the original art I'd collected.  I'd occasionally buy something on ebay just to turn it around to resell it, as I knew it was worth much more than I paid.  

It wasn't enough. 

One day, I sold the Captain America chess set to a comic book store.  I remember that day vividly.  I put the chess set, mint in factory box, on his counter.  He paid in cash, which I handed to Wife.  I was so sad.  I'd never even played a game with those pieces.  I felt like a complete failure.  We made the mortgage payment.  

I don't know why, but I thought of this image when writing this piece.  It's drawn in the art style of Wife.

Eventually, my job at GW was eliminated.  We sold the house we loved so much, and moved back to Pennsylvania.  I was deeply depressed.  Again, I started selling off things I'd collected.  No longer constrained by my employment with GW, I sold off most of my GW miniatures, including the armies I'd worked so hard to build and paint over the nine years I worked there.  I sold the last of the sellable statues in 2011.

Very Rare Game.  Sold January, 2011

Since that time, I've been selling to pay bills.  At first, it was to pay for things like the tuition for my masters degree.  Then our daughter was born.  Eventually, it was to buy feminine items and clothing, as my femme side re-emerged in 2008.  

Now, I still sell things, and occasionally buy.  Almost all of the high-end items are gone.  What few items are left aren't worth much to anyone really.  My once huge game collection fits on two ikea shelves.  Most of my books are in storage.  I tried selling some to a used book store, and they were very blunt about telling me that they weren't interested.  I've given many of my old books (mostly unread) for free to my friends who own Bramble Books in Spring City.  I figure it will help them make money.  (Their bookstore is thriving, btw.)  

In any case, a lot of the games I still have, I kept hoping that someday I'd actually have people with whom to play them.  I've had several of them for over thirty years, and a couple for forty.  At what point do I finally give up and either sell them or give them away?  (Before you ask, my roomie Linda isn't a gamer.  She builds amazing models from scratch.)

This morning, I'm exhausted.  I've worked on this piece for days, little by little.  Time to go to work.  I'm doing both jobs today.  Then work Friday, Saturday, Sunday...  

Maybe I'll just give it all away.  They'll make someone happy.  It's all wasted here.

For Hugh

Hugh Casey died on Tuesday, April 21, 2020.

I've spent the time between then and now doing papers for school, and wondering how to put into words who I saw as Hugh.  Because Hugh was so many things to so many people.

Classic Hugh

After all, how many people have their friends put together a convention to help pay his medical bills?  And have hundreds of people attend?  So I thought, and I thought.

And I concluded- this is Hugh I'm writing about.  He was a punster extraordinaire- one of the few who could defeat me.  And, above all, Hugh wanted people to be happy and laugh.  So, I will attempt to capture in words the Hughmanity of my friend.  

His service and burial were private, but I'll exHughme a bunch of old puns to honor him.

I do this because my friend Hugh is dead. Resting, Stunned, pining for the fjords, wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through him, passed on! Hugh is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-HUGH!!

A rare dignified shot

(If you don't know the source of that, you're no friend of Hugh.)  In Casey you didn't, I'll say Hugh must catch up on your Monty Python.  I think that show was brilliant, but it may depend upon your point of Hugh.

I met Hugh in 1989, when I answered an ad to join a D&D group.  The group didn't last long, but my friendship with Hugh did.  He had Hughmungous heart, which he shared with so many.

He also had a tremendous love for Sci-fi in general, and Star Trek in particular.  He ran a major convention called Philcon for many years until illness forced him to resign.  Or perhaps he just had his phil of the con life.  No, he loved cons- he could list the pros of cons extensively.  As for Star Trek, he was a master- I'd say he's Q but he was Hugh, not Q.  He was borg that way.  Believe me when I say he could Spock the error in anyone's Trek knowledge.  He was the real McCoy.  Great Scott, these puns are bad!  I hope all these puns are Worf the trouble.

He was also huge in the gaming community, comic books, steampunk... if there was a nerd fandom, he was involved, knew everyone, and was beloved.

I was shocked when Hugh first told me he was sick.  He was diagnosed with colon cancer, and had surgury to cut it out.  Afterwards, he told me "Now I no longer have a colon- I have a semi- colon."  I wish I'd thought of that one.  In any case, he told everyone about it, as he wanted people to get checked for it.  Colonoscopy.  At least he wasn't an ass about it.  Butt he was right, people should get checked.  As you know, the road to cancer is based on good intestines.  In the end, it wasn't the cancer that took him, but it sure didn't help.  The disease weakened him, but he fought valiantly.  Yes, he had a lot of Guts.  

With Hugh and Avi at Hugh Con.  Last time I saw him alive.

In 2004, I was hired at Vanguard (mutual fund place.)  I was surprised that Hugh worked there as well.  He was also a registered representative, but he specialized in retirement plans, like IRAs, annuities, and such.  Occasionally, I'd pass a call over to that department, and got him.  Even though the calls were recorded, we'd both get a quick pun before connecting the customer.  He worker there a lot longer than I did.  I'd like to say that I have 401K puns ready for this section, but I guess I'll have to make an ex-SEP-tion.  No laughs?  Wow- Roth crowd.

When I transitioned, Hugh not only took it in stride, he was welcoming.  He knows several transgender people, and knows we're just people.  No joke here- just sincere appreciation.

In fact, that's all this is: sincere appreciation.  Hugh was one of a kind.  The world was better for his having been in it.

And so was I.

May the four winds blow you safely home, dear friend.  I miss you.


Alyce Wilson, poet, wrote this for him.

We Are Hugh

(in memory of Hugh Casey)

In the pull of his orbit, unlikely bodies

revolved in loose ellipse. Celestial sea

that we were, lucky to cross

his sharp eye, to be drawn in

for a laugh, a conversation. Or,

in better days, a hug. That light,

that voice, a safe mooring spot

despite a world that cast

so many of us out. His power --

to see you through all the posing.

To show up for you

when you least

expected it. To make the day

better, just by passing through it.

To some, good Sir, to others

friend, or helper, or just

that friendly face. A glue

holding the universe together.

Keep saying it, over and over.

We are Hugh, and better for it.

"Tomb of Horrors" for Charity

On July 27, 2019, I was Dungeon Master for a charity game of 1st edition Dungeons and Dragons (DnD) which benefited the Phoenixville Women's Outreach Center.   This event occurred at Nerd Merch, which is a new gaming "store" in Phoenixville, PA.

The game Dungeons and Dragons was published in 1974.  I started playing in 1978, just as the first edition (1e) of Advanced DnD was being released.  This is the version I played the most- all the way through college and after.  Second edition (2e) was published in 1989, and that's the edition that was current when I worked for TSR (company that fist published the game) from 1992-4.  In 1997, TSR was purchased by Wizards of the Coast (WOTC.) WITC was purchased by Hasbro in 1999.  DnD is currently enjoying a new resurgence with its 5th edition (5e). (Wikipedia)

I can't say I'm a big fan of 5e.  Power gaming at its worst.  And dumbed down like crazy.  That's why I prefer earlier versions.

A seat at the table cost $20.  That got you your character.  If your character died, you could "re-buy" another for $10.  Every cent was going to the Center.  The module was Tomb of Horrors, (ToH) known by gamers as the deadliest dungeon ever written.  The (surviving) creator of DnD, Gary Gygax, was tired of players complaining about how tournament modules were too easy, so he wrote ToH to absolutely kill characters.  In this module, characters died.  Often.  So, the rebuy was going to raise more money.  I also set up an online fundraiser.

I arrived and the staff at Nerd Merch helped me set up the tables.  I pre-made appropriate characters, chose appropriate spell, and put them in color coded folders.  I figured that if the players were shelling out $20 per seat, they should get the best I could make it within my means.  I did my best to set the players for success.  All was ready and set up for noon... and nobody showed... until near 1.  Sigh. 

Mt set up behind the screen

Eventually I had eight players- mostly around my age.  The store was crowded, and people playing whatever at other tables were curiously looking over.  We recruited one from another table.  Score! 

First Corridor

After a few "false starts" the group finally found the true entrance.   This first corridor was loaded with trap doors... and a "false path" of red tiles set into the floor.  These traps would claim the first kill- a paladin who was impaled on poison spikes.  The group found their way into a second hallway, and pressed onward.

Oh, I forgot to mention, each player had one "Mercy."  It was essentially a re-roll.  The party leader had two of these.  You could buy more for $5.00 each, again going to the Center.  You could also get more for good role playing or having a great idea.  By the end of that first corridor, the party had used almost all their Mercy. 

Original art.  Want a gem?

I used all the original pictures as player aids.  I made enlarged copies so they were easier to see, though. 

The idea was to play until all characters were dead or surrendered.  By the end, all but one had been magically deposited, butt-naked, back at the Tomb entrance.  The one who hadn't was at the entrance, having run away earlier.  The others surrendered, so the one guy won the "prize:" a never released Citadel miniature so rare that even staff only ever got one (this one was mine.)

What did I get paid for all this?  3 bottles of Fiji water- exactly what I requested.  Between the day and the online, we raised over $300 for the Phoenixville Women's Outreach Center... which they didn't expect as the guys at Nerd Merch never told them that the event was happening.  *facepalm* I received a very nice email from the director of the Center- and that was more than enough for me.  I helped, and I got to play a game I love.

I used to play DnD all the time.  I played ToH as a player twice back in the day, and DM'ed it twice (counting this.)  Doing this game, and knowing it was a good cause really reminded me of how much fun the game was and is.  Also, it was a fitting way of saying "goodbye" to the town where I'd lived for over 16 years on and off- but that's another story

If I could find a group willing to play an old edition of the game up here in State College, I'd jump at it.  Alas, I fear it will not be. 

Still, I was able to help a little. 

Be well.