Hey gang I'm back.
I'm still coping with what happened in early June. It's been a brutal summer. I've visited Wife several times, but my Daughter makes sure never to be there. The Darkness tells me that I should be grateful- without Daughter to live for, I'm truly free to go. No one cares if I stay. I have no more obligation or responsibility here. I think about this night and day.
So what's stopping me? Part of it is that I want to finish what I started and earn that PhD. I'm ABD now (all but dissertation), so I'm almost there. I've been having problems getting things done for it, but I'm slowly moving forward. Very slowly. I defend my Dissertation Proposal on August 14. Add to that, I'd be putting my roomie/bestie Linda in a bad place, as she can't afford this apartment alone. However, she's very resourceful. She'd get by.
The main thing stopping me is the fact that I'm a coward. Any method except one would hurt, and I've experienced enough pain in my life. Recently, a former coworker died when he jumped off a parking garage. I envy his courage.
If you've followed the news, there's been a flood of anti-transgender bills signed into law in the last two months. The GQP want us "eradicated", and yes, that's the word they used. Where's the HRC? ACLU? Hello?
So is anything else going on? Not really. It's been a relatively cool summer here in the mountains, with some heavy thunderstorms. The heat that's plagued the rest of the country finally reached us this weekend, so it's been toasty. Hasn't mattered to me, as I've been inside staring at the ceiling or sleeping. As I mentioned, I've taken a few trips to see Wife in SEPa, but that's really it. I haven't gone anywhere or done anything. I keep saying that I should start selling off the boxes of books that are in storage, or the games I have here (after all, they're just taking up space and I could use the money.) But doing that would be a lot of work, and I've been busy (see: staring at the ceiling, above.)
I saw my therapist a couple weeks back. We talked about the current situation, and she gave me some recommendations. Essentially, she recommended that I do nothing. Sigh. That solves nothing. I haven't made another appointment yet. Out of money.
I wish I had something happy to write. I really do. That's why I haven't written- I have nothing positive to say. August starts next week, which means the students will be back soon. That means autumn is coming, and Halloween. My favorite holiday. Maybe I'll even do something this year.
Be safe and be well.
