"Why do they do that?"

 This entry is a response to the question posed in the title.  First some backstory.

The other day I had a mani-pedi, thanks to a generous Xmas gift (thanks Jennifer S!).  I don't get to treat myself often and I needed to feel feminine, so there I was.  Sitting next to me was a college age blonde getting gel nails re-done or touched up or whatever they do to those.  She was beautiful, even with her hair up in a casual attempt at a bun and no makeup.  The person doing her nails was also college age, and very good at her job.  (Also drop dead gorgeous).  

In any case, as I was sitting right next to them, I couldn't help but overhear their conversation, even being as hard of hearing as I am.  The blonde was talking about how a guy friend invited her to a formal (I assume fraternity) that coming weekend (last weekend.)  She asked in which way was the invitation meant: as friends going or as a "date date" in which "we'd f*ck at the end of the night."  He wanted her to go as a date, as he liked her.  That upset her a bit.  "Why do they do that?" she asked, to which the nail person shook her head and agreed "No idea."

Now, I sat there quietly, and didn't reply despite having the answer she sought.  After all, my listening was an act of nosiness in itself, and I didn't want to be THAT nosy (even though I am by nature: I'm a writer.)

Last week

The simple answer is "he does that because he's gotten to know you, and likes what he sees."  Yes, there's a chance that all he wants is to have sex, but after a guy gets to know you, that becomes less of a possibility.  In other words- he likes you for YOU."

Unfortunately, I learned long ago that young women don't think that way.  I've found that Mike Demone in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" is correct: "a girl decides how far she's gonna let you go in the first five minutes."  Or less.  Either she wants you or it's friend's ladder.  So the whole developing a love interest, it doesn't happen.

A quick sidebar: what happens at a fraternity formal?  Well, it's as close to a junior high dance as college gets.  The guys clump together and get stupid drunk, and, if their date knows other people, she clumps with the girls she knows.  The couple eat dinner together, and may hang out on and off, but, unless they are a couple, that's really about it.  In the 80s, it was a status thing to be invited to a fraternity formal, especially for a sorority girl.  I have no idea if it is still that way.

My fraternity house

"But Sophie- you're a woman!"  Yes, and I was then as well, much as I tried to bury it.  But this is true- young women throw away so many good guys as "friends" who are exactly what they're looking for, but don't immediately get their 'motor running.'  I wrote a whole story about this back in the early 90s called Promises of Heaven.  (If I ever find it, I'll type it into the blog for everyone to ignore.)  The difference between me and them is the lack of functioning feminine genitalia back in the day.

I don't know if she ended up going with him to the formal or not.  A large part of me hopes she did, just to prove my cynical ass wrong.  But I doubt it.

In any case, is this entry fueled by bitterness?  Absolutely.  Should I be over it by now (married almost 30 years)? Absolutely.  Am I? 

Nope.

Be well.