There are times that every molecule of my body screams for the Light that I know is waiting on the other side. It is worse than the dysphoria, and for many years they sang together in harmony.
The dysphoria is mostly gone (except for a slight male detail). Now it's just the Darkness, and the Peace it promises.
But I'm too fucking stubborn. I have things that NEED to be done before I go.
And so I keep going.
It has been many decades since I have been visited by the Darkness. It goes without saying that it is something that l miss.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like to me that wkat has you down is a sense of hopelessness about your current situation and your chances of making it better.
My advice is to try something different if what you are doing now is not working.
I have followed your blog for many years and l have always been hesitant to offer any advice because advice unasked for, is generally not well received.
Nevertheless, it sounds like a change in circumstances is coming whether you choose to do something about it or not.
You might consider that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
Since change IS coming, like it or not, what can you do differently that might mitigate the negative effects of losing your job of twelve and a half years?