LSD: Lower Slower Delaware. (They have bumper stickers with this. Seriously)
So last week I put many miles on my car. I took two trips to see my parents in southern Delaware. They live on the north shore of Indian River Bay. It's a trip of 2 1/2 to 3 hours each way.
The first trip was Monday. I went down there with Wife and daughter. The whole idea was so daughter could see her grandparents. I woke up early Monday and went to pick them up. I was in a "butch" mode: I wore makeup and female jeans, but I wore a loose t shirt which only slightly obscured my breasts. Wife wasn't happy with this, as she "didn't expect me to be 'dressed'" meaning in female mode. She only commented on it once.
The three of us went to the beach at Rehoboth so Daughter could collect shells. It was VERY windy, and the water kicked up white caps. Daughter had a good time though. We went back to my parents' house where mom had made lasagna. It was quite good. As we both had to work on Tuesday, we were going to leave right after dinner. As Wife helped Daughter strap into her seat, my Dad asked me when was the last time I saw Daughter. I said it had been three weeks.
He said "well, you chose this." I turned to him and said "no one chooses this."
Thursday November 27 was Thanksgiving Day here in the US. Both of my roomies, Linda and Zoey, were going to come with me for dinner at my parents'. However, Zoey came down sick and bowed out, so it was just Linda and I making the trip. We left at 9 am and were at my parents by noon (after listening to Alice's Restaurant twice.) We were there for a bit when we decided to rectify my forgetting to bring wine by going to find some. That meant, I knew, going to Ocean City, MD, where they sell wine in convenience stores. It wouldn't be anything great, but as I had promised wine...
So we arrived at Ocean City and quickly found wine at a 7-11. We then stopped at the very chilly and windy beach at the Carousel, where I'd been with Sandy Empanada a couple of months ago. We went to the beach, took a few pictures and quickly retreated to the car. We then headed back to my parents' place for a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat.
Just like last time, Linda got along with my parents very well. In fact, it was as if nothing had changed recently- I was just their child there for Thanksgiving. I felt comfortable. Were there mistakes- misgendering? Of course, but they're making a major effort. They treated me like their Daughter.
I am so very lucky on this score... and Thankful.
And I told them so.
So last week I put many miles on my car. I took two trips to see my parents in southern Delaware. They live on the north shore of Indian River Bay. It's a trip of 2 1/2 to 3 hours each way.
Indian River Bay is circled above
The first trip was Monday. I went down there with Wife and daughter. The whole idea was so daughter could see her grandparents. I woke up early Monday and went to pick them up. I was in a "butch" mode: I wore makeup and female jeans, but I wore a loose t shirt which only slightly obscured my breasts. Wife wasn't happy with this, as she "didn't expect me to be 'dressed'" meaning in female mode. She only commented on it once.
At my Parent's house on windy day
The three of us went to the beach at Rehoboth so Daughter could collect shells. It was VERY windy, and the water kicked up white caps. Daughter had a good time though. We went back to my parents' house where mom had made lasagna. It was quite good. As we both had to work on Tuesday, we were going to leave right after dinner. As Wife helped Daughter strap into her seat, my Dad asked me when was the last time I saw Daughter. I said it had been three weeks.
He said "well, you chose this." I turned to him and said "no one chooses this."
Thursday November 27 was Thanksgiving Day here in the US. Both of my roomies, Linda and Zoey, were going to come with me for dinner at my parents'. However, Zoey came down sick and bowed out, so it was just Linda and I making the trip. We left at 9 am and were at my parents by noon (after listening to Alice's Restaurant twice.) We were there for a bit when we decided to rectify my forgetting to bring wine by going to find some. That meant, I knew, going to Ocean City, MD, where they sell wine in convenience stores. It wouldn't be anything great, but as I had promised wine...
So we arrived at Ocean City and quickly found wine at a 7-11. We then stopped at the very chilly and windy beach at the Carousel, where I'd been with Sandy Empanada a couple of months ago. We went to the beach, took a few pictures and quickly retreated to the car. We then headed back to my parents' place for a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat.
On the Beach at OC
Just like last time, Linda got along with my parents very well. In fact, it was as if nothing had changed recently- I was just their child there for Thanksgiving. I felt comfortable. Were there mistakes- misgendering? Of course, but they're making a major effort. They treated me like their Daughter.
I am so very lucky on this score... and Thankful.
And I told them so.
I think it is often hardest for the people to whom we matter most to accept transition. They have known us longest and in many ways best, it is hard to change a lifetime of certainty. It is a blessing when family accept as rejection by loved ones hurts so much.
ReplyDeleteSophie -
ReplyDeleteYour response to your dad was perfect - No one chooses this path we're on. Some of us MUST transition to maintain our sanity. Others can be comfortable on a path like mine, where one lives life in both genders. And others still accept that they can't be on the first two major paths, and find ways to express their feminine natures without major disruptions in their lives.
Sooner or later, your wife will have to accept you presenting in full Sophie mode. That is, where you don't have to hide as being butch to present a fading masculine image for her benefit. You ARE Sophie, and no longer Lance (though Lance will always be a part of Sophie), and she will need to accept this if she wants her daughter's other parent in her daughter's life (as she appears to want.)
And kudos to your parents for making the effort to see you as their daughter - something which is often very hard for those of their generation....
M