Tuesday, January 28, 2014


On January 18, 2014, my parents celebrated their Fiftieth wedding anniversary.  If you know them, you know how amazing that is.  They celebrated by going to a nice Italian restaurant in Southern Delaware where they live.  My dad said the dinner was "just ok." 

Neither I, nor my brother, were there.  We were both tied up for multiple reasons.  But that's ok... because this past weekend, Wife and I planned to take them to dinner in celebration of the anniversary.

Before we went, I went out.  On Friday, January 24, Wife made me cry.  I really can't discuss why, but I was bawling my eyes out.  After crying a while, I decided that I was going to keep busy by doing the best possible makeup job I'd ever done.  Linda Lewis was there, and gave me some makeup tips.  After a while, I finished, and I took Linda to the Ramada in New Hope.


So that night was the first night of Jen Bryant's Raven 18: Frozen Fundra.  The first night is at the Ramada In  in New Hope, PA, and it's a mellow night of hanging out.  There were maybe thirty people there, and everyone were seated at tables in groups.  Linda and I went to an empty side of the bar, and waited for the bartender.  Jen Bryant came in, saw Linda and all but jumped for joy.  This was the first time I'd seen Jen since a little corrective surgery and she looked GORGEOUS!  In any case, Jen hugged Linda like they were sisters... which of course, they are in a way.

With Jen and Linda.  Pic courtesy Jen Bryant Productions

Eventually we got drinks.  And someone set up karaoke behind me.  Well, veteran readers of this blog know I LOVE karaoke, so I signed up to do one of my standards: the Rolling Stones' Dead Flowers.  This time no one videoed me.  I know the words to that song so I didn't need the screen, and wandered about with the mic. I sang with Jen a couple of times.

Be Afraid

Eventually, everyone went over to the Raven for dancing.  I went briefly, but I left soon after arriving as I had to be up early the next morning.

Early Saturday morning, January 25, I went to pick up Wife, Daughter, and dog for the trip south to Delaware as snowflakes began to fall.  There were 1-3 inches predicted in the area, but for southern Delaware, nothing.   As we drove south, the storm intensified.  It was slow going, but I only slid once.  We saw no accidents.  I drove in the snow until just south of Dover Delaware, when we outran the southern edge of the storm. 

When we arrived, the cold wind was blowing, and the bay was partially frozen.  I unloaded the car, and my parents' focus was on their granddaughter. 

Indian River Bay: View from the pier.  The ice goes out to the channel. 

We putzed around for a while.  I took a short nap.  The outside was freezing and windy, but inside it was summer- my parents keep the house heated to 80 degrees.  Seriously.

My mum wanted to go to Outback Steakhouse in Rehoboth, so that's where we went.  We were eventually seated, and after we ordered, things got surreal. Mum asked if I could get my blog on my phone.  I said I could.  She then asked me to bring it up so she could read it.  So I did.  She read the last entry, and showed my dad the pictures.  She lingered over the main picture, which only partially showed, pointing at my face.

Isn't it about time I changed this?

When she finished the entry, she handed the phone back to me without comment. 

After dinner, we went back to their house.  Mum, Wife and Daughter were in the living room watching Animal Planet.  I sat in the kitchen, petting my dog and eating a Klondike bar.  My dad was there as well, sitting at the table.

You gonna finish that?

"You know I don't agree with your decision.  I hate it," he said. 
"I know."

And from there he told me that he was afraid I'll be physically harmed.  I assured him that I can take care of myself.  He asked what I'll do if Wife remarries.  And what if the new husband wants to adopt Daughter? 

Then Daughter walked into the room.  There's a tv in the kitchen, and she wanted to watch Disney channel.  So ended our first meaningful father-child dialogue in years.

Later that night, everyone but myself and my mum were in bed.  And she started asking the same questions: What I'll do if Wife remarries.  What if the new husband wants to adopt Daughter? She kept saying that she supports me, and that it will take time for her to get used to having a daughter.  I understand that, and appreciate it.

She then critiqued my outfits in some pictures I showed her.  She is of the opinion that I show too much skin, and that showing my cleavage like I do makes me look "common" and "like a slut."  She thinks I should dress my age.  Well, she's right about that last bit!

She liked my Friday outfit and makeup though!

Pic Courtesy Jen Bryant Productions

She requested a copy of Jennifer Finney Boylan's book She's Not There, which I brought with me.  I know she'll read it.  I'd sent a copy previously to my cousin Anne in Scotland, who recommended it to my mum.

We both went to sleep around 1 AM.  The next morning, we left soon after breakfast.  The topic was not raised again.

The ride home was quick, and next thing I knew, I was back to work at my retail job, where I did my best to digest the events of the weekend.

On Monday, I went to therapy, and discussed the weekend with Dr. Osborne.  My parents ARE trying- it's a lot to swallow.  It took me over forty years to comprehend who I am.

I know my mum reads this blog.  So once again, I congratulate you and dad on FIFTY years.  Yes mum, you deserve a medal.  As does Wife for surviving 20 years of marriage to me.

It doesn't look like we'll match your accomplishment, mum.

Dawn over the Indian River Bay

PS:  Hi Gianna from Australia!


  1. Sophie -

    Yes, they are trying - and it will take time. Your wife may end up with someone else. But you will always have your daughter, as it looks like your wife wants it so. Whatever you call yourself Da, Maddy, etc. in relation to your daughter. it is not as important as the fact that you will be in her life. And I think your wife will support you - even if she has to go her own way.


  2. Sophie, I am very happy this weekend went reasonably well. Thank God it wasn't a worst case scenario. I think your Mom being critical is a good sign.It means she cares. Huggzz