Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Should I? *indecisive*

Lately I've been kinda indecisive.

(Wow- that first sentence was horrific grammatically.  But I'm leaving it.  So there.)

Anyway.  I'm still sort of adrift of late.  No idea where to go next.  I started electrolysis, so that's something major.  I'm going to New Concepts Med Spa.  They do great work for a very fair rate.

So I'm moving forward in that way.  I'm not stagnating.

I guess the questions revolve around what my wife will and won't allow.  Because I don't really know- except that full transition would end the marriage.  But would hormones?  FFS going too far?

I'm so confuzzled!

Here's another question:  what about conferences?  I'm going to go to Keystone next year- I haven't missed one yet. But what about others?

For example: Southern Comfort.


Southern Comfort (SCC) is the biggest TG conference in the US.  This year it's in late September in Atlanta, Georgia.  I've never been to Atlanta (except to change planes.)  I have friends there though.  (Hi Lana!)  For a History person like me, a trip there would be wonderful.  Add to that the chance to meet so many of my internet friends and inspirations face to face... Sigh.


It's over $300 for registration, figure another $300 for hotel, and then there's getting there from Pennsylvania.  That's a lot of doe-ray-me for someone who makes as little as I do. 

Then, of course, is Would she be ok with me going? 


I must admit, I'm feeling like I should be Sophie much more these days.  And that today specifically I'm feeling it. 

See,  friend of mine had a Transient Ischemic Attack yesterday.  Mini-stroke.  And she's pretty much my age.  Scary as hell.  She's fine now, but I assume she'll be on all kinds of drugs for a while. 

But that lil' mortality brush- wow.  Could I die today knowing I wasn't the Woman I need to be? 

And would it matter? 

I read somewhere that Ghosts are people who died leaving something unfulfilled.  Would I haunt the night crying over my unfinished womanhood?  And what would I wear?  Is white appropriate for a haunting? I mean in the UK they're all "ladies in gray..."

Back to the point.

What do you think?  Should I even ask?  Or is that too risky at this stage?  Operators are standing by.  (Well, the comments board is anyway.)

1 comment:

  1. Sophie cannot be controlled or reined in very easily. Your blog hit many notes that merit comment.

    At the outset I will give you a pass for the grammar glitch. There are times when you need to set aside proper grammar rules when doing so is necessary to make your point. You get extra credit for knowing that you bent the rules.

    My wife knows that I dress and finds her own ways to deal with it. Her biggest recent complaint is the amount of closet room that my 'other' wardrobe takes up. She has even suggested from time to time that I get a storage unit.

    Her biggest concern, and one that I believe has merit, is her fear that someone may find out about my dressing. She tends to be fearful of lots ot things but her primary concern with me going out while dressed is that something will happen to me and then ~ you can fill in the blanks.

    Part of me feels that I should respect her fears. As much as I would like to go to a convention and spend a few days dressed I think I would worry about her being home and worrying about me. Somewhat of a 'Catch-22'. Additionally, I like spending time with my wife. She is a totally wonderful person. I work 70-80 hours a week and family time is no where close to being enough. I do not see having the 'time' budget to handle a convention. While Southern Comfort is the 'Grand Dame' of events, followed by Tri-Ess and the Be-All in Chicago, I would like to at least go to a closer event and get to Keystone some time in the near future...or The Empire Conference in Albany, NY...or the Beauties at the Beach in Rehobeth, Md.

    Considering the amount of clothing, shoes, etc. that I would need it would not make sense to fly and pay to check multiple bags. You can drive to Atlanta in 12 hours. The other events are closer...even Fantasia Fair.

    The issue presented, however, has more than logistical and cost concerns. How would your wife handle your departure for 3-4 days as Sophie?

    She has only known of Sophie for 3-4 weeks. Has she met Sophie face to face? Seen Sophie's photos? Been a visitor to your blog? Learned of Sohpie's work as an author on TGF? Etc?

    In my experience there are some times when I really need to be dressed. I hardly ever go long periods without a total dressing day and I underdress, partial dress or wear a nightgown with some regularity. Nevertheless, there are times when the 'pink fog' is overwhelming. My wife is very perceptive and sometimes she will sense that I need my girl time.

    It seems that you are going through a rather intense and prolonged 'pink fog'. In my case a good dressing session is therapeutic...although there is merit to the concept that the more I dress the more I want to dress. In your case I would posit that the questions I raised above may merit resolution before broaching the concept of an Atlanta road trip.

    In "Ghostbusters" they sang "I ain't afraid of no ghosts". I think that the jury remains out on the subject of spirits, afterlife, past lives, etc. I often get strong feelings that I may have been a woman in the 1930s. I have had many 'dressed dreams' where I am me attired in feminine clothing from earlier days. This has been a subject for discussion with my wife who has had thoughts and feelings of her own past lives.


    PS: A road trip to Atlanta could be fun. There are plenty of places that a student of history would be able to stop along the way.