So.
It's been a week since I told my wife about being Sophie.
And what a week!
First, thanks for the wonderful comments you wrote for the last piece. I really appreciate the support!
I re-posted this blog over on Pink Essence and got so many great comments as well!
Right. So this week has been weird. Wife has occasionally asked a question or two. She commented several times that I seem so much happier now.
Well, yeah! I am out from under my burden of lies. From here on in, not matter what may happens, I will do it without hauling around that weight.
I went to therapy yesterday, and my doctor was pleased that I'd taken this step. She cautioned that at any time, things can change and to be ready when things go a bit sour. She asked me which questions were asked and was surprised that one in particular wasn't asked.
Last night she started asking more questions after my daughter was in bed. We talked for a couple of hours. She asked the question that Dr. Osborne expected:
"Have you thought about transitioning?"
I answered "I'd be lying if I said no."
"If you do thats the end of the marriage."
"I understand" I said.
So. A definite boundary. She set a limit. An expected one, to be sure.
Now is the time for me to sort out where under this gender umbrella I really am. With the guilt and stigma gone, i can search much easier.
That said, last friday, the day after I told my wife, I texted my "Big Sis." It was a simple message.
"The weight is gone but the pain remains."
(Yeah in retrospect it's pretty reminiscent of a certain Pink Floyd lyric. but that's not what i was thinking when I sent it.)
But it's true. The pain of GID is still there, in fact even more focused. Clearer.
The next challenge? Well, next weekend is my first Renaissance meeting and Laptop Lounge since coming out to her. When I'm out, she'll know exactly where I am and what I'm doing. How will she react? How will she feel?
And what will she say the next morning?
It's been a week since I told my wife about being Sophie.
And what a week!
First, thanks for the wonderful comments you wrote for the last piece. I really appreciate the support!
I re-posted this blog over on Pink Essence and got so many great comments as well!
Content?
(pic copyright Cassandra Storm Photography, used with permission)
Right. So this week has been weird. Wife has occasionally asked a question or two. She commented several times that I seem so much happier now.
Well, yeah! I am out from under my burden of lies. From here on in, not matter what may happens, I will do it without hauling around that weight.
I went to therapy yesterday, and my doctor was pleased that I'd taken this step. She cautioned that at any time, things can change and to be ready when things go a bit sour. She asked me which questions were asked and was surprised that one in particular wasn't asked.
Last night she started asking more questions after my daughter was in bed. We talked for a couple of hours. She asked the question that Dr. Osborne expected:
"Have you thought about transitioning?"
I answered "I'd be lying if I said no."
"If you do thats the end of the marriage."
"I understand" I said.
So. A definite boundary. She set a limit. An expected one, to be sure.
Now is the time for me to sort out where under this gender umbrella I really am. With the guilt and stigma gone, i can search much easier.
That said, last friday, the day after I told my wife, I texted my "Big Sis." It was a simple message.
"The weight is gone but the pain remains."
(Yeah in retrospect it's pretty reminiscent of a certain Pink Floyd lyric. but that's not what i was thinking when I sent it.)
But it's true. The pain of GID is still there, in fact even more focused. Clearer.
The next challenge? Well, next weekend is my first Renaissance meeting and Laptop Lounge since coming out to her. When I'm out, she'll know exactly where I am and what I'm doing. How will she react? How will she feel?
And what will she say the next morning?
Hey babe...Congratulations to you!! It's a huge, huge, huge thing and I'd love to be at Angela's this weekend to celebrate it.
ReplyDeleteFrom the Been-There Dept: This is all still new, so the fallout hasn't had time to fall out yet. Just take it a day at a time. Oh...and hold on tight. The ride is just starting.
Hugs!
These discussions were like being on a Rollercoaster, just when you got to where I thought everything was going great, I didn't realize I had reached the top, and the bottom would fall out, leaving my stomach queasy, a few twists and turns and then the climb once more. I did learn a lot about myself through her questions for I did give honest answers even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear. Transitioning was the end of the ride, and my decision was a tough 1 for me, but to compromise my feeling would also have something I would have always regretted. Hope it goes well keep the questions and answers flowing, and be careful there are 2 fragile hearts that are easily broken.
ReplyDeleteKristen