My "big sis" sent me this article: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/fashion/its-not-me-its-you-how-to-end-a-friendship.html?_r=1&emc=eta1&pagewanted=all
This is a New York Times article about Friends. Not the TV show from all that time ago, but friends who have fallen away, and the whole "why and how" of that.
Started me thinking: so many of us lose friends as time goes on, especially as we come out to them. How does this happen?
I've heard that for the most part its "see you later" or the "slowly back away" type thing.
I've been going out as a woman actively for over three years. Have I lost friends?
Lost?
Yes.
Well, more "mislaid."
To make time and room for all the new friends I've made as Sophie, I've had to sacrifice time for my older friends. But were they truly FRIENDS or more like aquaintences.
In an earlier blog, I talked about going to a party with some of my oldest friends. Since the time I wrote that, one of them has died. These, my oldest friends- have I seperated from them? Yes. I rarely see them. We all have families and several live far away. It's rare when we get together. We do when possible, though.
Friends from old jobs? Aside from Facebook, I never hear from them. Expected, as I am no longer "in their circles." I don't matter. I accept that even if I tried really hard, that time has passed. How did I manage this? Just never called, etc. So I guess they were aquaintences. Ok, there is ONE from an old job I keep in touch with, but haven't seen in years.
Old girlfriends? Oh please.
Current work friends? This is where most of the time has been cut. I rarely go out after work anymore (saving money for Sophie-time.) Weekends? If I have time/occasion, I'm in a skirt. Would be rather hard at this stage of my development to explain that. Maybe someday soon, but not today. So are they really friends? Ummmm I'd say two of them are. The rest? Ships passing in the night. Acquaintences.
So. All these people. If I tell them about my feminine identity, how would they react? I've been told by many that one can never guess. Of my oldest friends, the one I felt most confident about accepting me as a woman is the one who is dead. Past work friends? Ummm... who cares? Callous I know but as I don't affect them, nor do they affect me. The one I keep in touch with will drop me instantly (hard core right wing Marine.)
Current work friends? Aye, there's the rub. They would have to work with me, unless I'm fired. Would they still want me to hang out? I have no idea.
So I've made all these new friends as Sophie. And I have my "male" friends. Should they meet? Well, they have. Sometimes my trans friends come into the store where I work. Everyone at work knows I have trans friends. But, conveniently, I have a lie in place as to "why." Maybe they buy it, maybe they don't. I won't know until they find out the truth.
So- these new friends: friends or aquaintences. Most are aquaintences, currently. Some have become friends. One thing's for sure, they won't abandon me for being Sophie, as that's all they know. They are my safety net as I am theirs.
So how would I lose them if the time comes? I don't plan that sort of thing. I don't WANT to plan that. I'll leave that to them.
Hopefully, it won't happen.
This is a New York Times article about Friends. Not the TV show from all that time ago, but friends who have fallen away, and the whole "why and how" of that.
Started me thinking: so many of us lose friends as time goes on, especially as we come out to them. How does this happen?
I've heard that for the most part its "see you later" or the "slowly back away" type thing.
I've been going out as a woman actively for over three years. Have I lost friends?
Lost?
Yes.
Well, more "mislaid."
To make time and room for all the new friends I've made as Sophie, I've had to sacrifice time for my older friends. But were they truly FRIENDS or more like aquaintences.
At the Raven last month
In an earlier blog, I talked about going to a party with some of my oldest friends. Since the time I wrote that, one of them has died. These, my oldest friends- have I seperated from them? Yes. I rarely see them. We all have families and several live far away. It's rare when we get together. We do when possible, though.
Friends from old jobs? Aside from Facebook, I never hear from them. Expected, as I am no longer "in their circles." I don't matter. I accept that even if I tried really hard, that time has passed. How did I manage this? Just never called, etc. So I guess they were aquaintences. Ok, there is ONE from an old job I keep in touch with, but haven't seen in years.
Old girlfriends? Oh please.
Current work friends? This is where most of the time has been cut. I rarely go out after work anymore (saving money for Sophie-time.) Weekends? If I have time/occasion, I'm in a skirt. Would be rather hard at this stage of my development to explain that. Maybe someday soon, but not today. So are they really friends? Ummmm I'd say two of them are. The rest? Ships passing in the night. Acquaintences.
At Keystone 2011
So. All these people. If I tell them about my feminine identity, how would they react? I've been told by many that one can never guess. Of my oldest friends, the one I felt most confident about accepting me as a woman is the one who is dead. Past work friends? Ummm... who cares? Callous I know but as I don't affect them, nor do they affect me. The one I keep in touch with will drop me instantly (hard core right wing Marine.)
Current work friends? Aye, there's the rub. They would have to work with me, unless I'm fired. Would they still want me to hang out? I have no idea.
With Kimberly from Texas
So I've made all these new friends as Sophie. And I have my "male" friends. Should they meet? Well, they have. Sometimes my trans friends come into the store where I work. Everyone at work knows I have trans friends. But, conveniently, I have a lie in place as to "why." Maybe they buy it, maybe they don't. I won't know until they find out the truth.
So- these new friends: friends or aquaintences. Most are aquaintences, currently. Some have become friends. One thing's for sure, they won't abandon me for being Sophie, as that's all they know. They are my safety net as I am theirs.
Neither Friend nor Aquaintence. Just a person I met once
So how would I lose them if the time comes? I don't plan that sort of thing. I don't WANT to plan that. I'll leave that to them.
Hopefully, it won't happen.
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