Class Ring to Classless

 The class ring is meant to be a symbol- of completion, of achievement... and a reminder of time and place.  They can be many sizes and shapes.  My friend R has a class ring from VMI that looks as big as my fist.  Super bowl rings and World Series rings are huge too- I've seen a few.  

I had a Jostens class ring in high school.  It was gold with a blue stone (my school colors were blue and gold.)  I never really wore it- my high school gf had it for a while.  

While at PSU, one of the guys who graduated a couple years before me got an Artcarved ring with a black stone with gold fraternity letters.  I thought it was very sharp, and, when my parents offered to buy me a class ring as a graduation gift, I ordered one very similar to his.  

The ring

I wore it my graduation and every day thereafter.  I wouldn't go out without it, and when coming home, the first thing I'd do was to take it off and put it in a specific spot.  

In May 1991, I went on the first date with my eventual wife.  At her place, I removed the ring to show it to her.  And, being me, forgot it there.  I realized this around 2:30 am when I got home.  I worked in the morning, and called her from there asking about the ring.  She had it.  So instead of waiting a few days to see her again, after work I went to get the ring.  She and I went for a walk at Valley Forge park.  Our second date.  

The ring was in my tux pocket when we married.  By then I'd gained some weight and it needed resizing.  We took it to a jewelry store, and they sent it off.  When asked about its worth for insurance purposes, I said it was priceless.  

I never saw it again.

It was stolen from a UPS warehouse.  The jewelry store replaced it with a copy, which I then wore on my right hand, as my wedding ring was on my left.  And I wore it every day.  It wasn't the same- it wasn't the one I carried the day of my wedding- but I wore it.

Eventually it also got a little too small.  I was going to get it resized, but the money I was saving for that purpose went to a new priority: Sophie stuff.  

After transition, I never wore it again.  I kept it in a jewelry box.  And there it waited.  Unworn. But not forgotten.  

Over the years, I've sold off many things to make ends meet.  Games, art, miniatures.  This month, I was short over $500 on rent.  I looked in my jewelry boxes.  I had a few pieces my mother left me.  I had a gold plated pocket watch Wife gave me as my wedding gift from her.  And there was my useless wedding ring.  

I thought about it for a day.  And I took the watch, one piece from my mum, and the class ring to a jewelry store here in State College.  

And I sold them. 

I sold my class ring.  And my wedding gift.

And I felt nothing.  

After all, it was the duplicate ring, not the original.  And I hadnt worn it in over a decade. 

I thought it would hurt more.  But as I was already crushed by something the week before, it was lost in the Pain.

And while it got me enough to pay some bills, it still was far from enough. It's never enough.

Then both my car and Linda's needed repair.  A friend of mine suggested a gofundme, but, as I told him, I'm tired of begging.  I'm tired of selling.  I'm tired of being less than.  

Of being useless.  And unable to support myself.

If not for my class ring, maybe Wife and I would not have had the second date.  And we wouldn't have been married.  No daughter. 

And I sold it- because it was gold and I needed to raise cash. 

All of these things come from bad decisions I made.  I decided to pursue being Sophie.  I decided to transition.  I decided to drag myself to State College.  

And I'm running out of things to sell.