February is here, short as it is. It's so short that we're already almost at mid February. Time flies.
Or it doesn't. I don't know if it's the meds or what, but I could sleep 24/7 these days. I spend over 12 hours in bed if I'm not working, then lay on the couch, enduring the day. I have lots to do- my dissertation proposal, cleaning, and, if I wish, hobbies. All I want to do is sleep. It's not like hard labor, which many people do for a living, but its definitely the Darkness having its way. And when I sleep, that's when the nightmares return. At least I wake up from them.
Lately the nightmares have been along a similar vein. I have a destination, but no matter how much I travel, it keeps getting further away. But not last night- last night was a Fridays dream. I was doing a table shift at TGI Fridays, in the upstairs section (I worked at Fridays 1989-91). All four of my tables were seated at the same time, and things just fell apart. I was glad to wake up from that one, despite seeing old friends in the dream that I hadn't seen in decades: my coworkers, exactly as they were then, even if I wasn't. I was as I am now: old, slow, and tired.
Then I read the news about devastating earthquakes in Turkey and Syria, and I have no reason to complain. 1800 dead- crushed. Horrible. Helpless.
Be well.
I’m curious….what happens after you get your PhD? Will you do anything productive then that could possibly end these nightmares? What event could happen that gives you any hope outside of your terror?
ReplyDeleteMany of the nightmares are due to PTSD from my time as a volunteer paramedic, as well as brutal jobs (like waiting tables.) I hope to do something productive so all this work will be worthwhile, and maybe that will stop some of the nightmares. TY for asking!
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