Poem: 1971

In a class today, we had a lecture by a professor who studies Latin American art, activism, and poetry.  At the end of the class, we had a writing activity.  The prompt was to write for four minutes of whatever came to mind on the topic of gender.   As I'd been taking notes, I wrote my bit on the margin of the paper.  As usual, my thoughts and writing went to a dark place.  Some of these topics I've covered before, but... that's where my mind went on a snowy April afternoon.

What follows is exactly what I wrote, word for word.  The only editing I did was to punctuate it.  

I decided to call it 1971.

Me in 1971.  Four years old.  Kindergarten photo

**************************************************************************

I learned from an early 

age that my gender was

wrong – not because it didn’t match 

my body but because I

had to be a MAN at four

years old.  My father and 

brother were my first 

bullies: bashing, smashing

boys will be boys

stop crying-

men don’t cry.

I learned that

who I am and how I

felt was wrong-

punishable by

more beatings and bullying

and more hatred growing

uncontrollably until that

self- hatred was all that

was left inside the shell of

a freak who was born 

different.  My life

ended at four and now

I’m just waiting to 

die.  And they ask me

Why don’t you love yourself?

Pride March Speech, April 2022

On April 11, I participated in a pride march at Penn State.  I helped carry the banner, screwed up a march cadence, and was the first to speak after the Director of the Center for Sexual and gender Diversity.  I marched despite feeling a bit sick. In fact, I left a later class early because I felt like hell.  Anyway, I wrote my speech in advance, and really didn't deviate from it.

Photo by Alina Lebedeva of the Daily Collegian

The speech:

We are Penn State!

We are… started as the football team’s stand against ugly racism in 1947.  Since then it has grown into our identity.  Penn State is who we are, and it’s our pride, the pride of Lions.  We is an inclusive word encompassing all of us: students, staff, faulty, alumni- we are ALL Penn state.

We, the LGBTQ+ community, are also Penn state.  We are part of the beautiful tapestry of identities that make up our community.  We always have been, despite having to hide ourselves for so many decades.  Today we march to celebrate our visibility, to celebrate our inclusion, and to celebrate those who were, those who are, and those who will be.  We do not march to flaunt our identities, nor do we march to “recruit”, as that can’t happen.  Being LGBT is part of how we were made, like eye color or height.  

Today we celebrate, and renew our commitment to each other, and to Penn State as a whole, that we ALL are Penn State.  We ALL belong and are worthwhile.  We ALL matter.

We are Penn State!

My hair was in a ponytail.  The woman on the left is Sophia.

I received polite applause.  One person said I was eloquent.  Later speakers received much more applause, which is fine.  No one was there to hear me talk anyway.