This piece was first published on TG Forum on August 30, 2021. Please click on the link to show them some love.
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And now for something completely different.
Long ago, back when people still drew on cave
walls, I did a piece (either here or on my blog) about some helpful tips for
beginners. It’s been forever, so I
thought I’d try this again. Tip of the
hat to Linda Jensen who also writes about this, and does it far better than I
ever will.
Right. The
transgender continuum encompasses many different types of people, from casual
occasional crossdressers, to people who dress often but can’t transition for
whatever reason, to people who have surgeries and go stealth. My dear friend
Kristyn King told me when I first came out in public the first time that being
TG is like a train: you ride and progress until you arrive at the stop where
you are comfortable (or must stop.)
However, very few ride the train until the end of the line: transition.
I am one of those who paid for the ticket, and took the ride. I’ve been living my Truth since 2014. I’ve learned a lot since rediscovering myself
since re-discovering myself in late 2008, usually the hard way, but also from
other transgender women here and there.
And now, I give this wisdom to you.
You lucky people.
Let’s start with legs shall we? This is the biggest sin I see at TG
events: KEEP YOUR KNEES TOGETHER! As biological males, we tend to sit with our
legs spread far apart: the “Man Spread.”
Women don’t sit this way. At
all. They are socialized to keep their
legs together to prevent them from flashing their privates to any who care to
look- especially while wearing a skirt or dress. Give you a hint ladies: we don’t want to see
your underwear or pantyhose crotch. Keep
your knees together!
Manspeading
While I’m at it, let’s discuss feet. Females sit (or hover) when using the
restroom. You know this, right. Men don’t have to, as they can stand to pee. However, if you’re going to dress as a woman,
nothing will creep out cis-women (and out you) faster than standing at the john
in the ladies room. WHILE IN THE STALL,
KEEP YOUR FEET POINTED AWAY FROM THE TOILET.
That means sit on the throne, ladies.
The next major bit I notice is obvious, but
not. When I attend TG events or
conferences (like the amazing Keystone Conference in Harrisburg, Pa), there are
usually group meals. During one of
those, close your eyes and listen. What
do you hear? Guys. Guys talking and laughing. Some of the most beautiful women you meet at
a conference out themselves as soon as they open their mouths. They make no effort to raise their voice into
a feminine range. TRY TO USE AS FEMININE
VOICE AS YOU CAN. Even if you think it
sounds ridiculous, it really helps your mental state and presentation.
Walk past a male presenting person. How do they silently acknowledge you as you
pass by (assuming they do)? They
nod. Men in Western cultures nod to acknowledge/greet
others. What do females do? They smile to each other. (They don’t smile at men that often,
especially in Europe, where smiling is seen as flirting.) WHEN SILENTLY ACKNOWLEDGING SOMEONE, SMILE-
DON’T NOD!
Finally, we have walking. Men walk one way due to the angle of their
hips and center of gravity, while women, with structurally different hips and
higher center of gravity, walk differently.
There are long lessons on how to walk in a feminine way. So, as a simple guide: WHEN WALKING,
SHOULDERS BACK, CHEST OUT, AND A MAKE BELIEVE BOOK ON YOUR HEAD. It isn’t perfect, but it’s better than
shambling around like a guy.
In any case, I hope these tips help. I’m still working on voice and walk, and
always will be. Hopefully, these tips will
help your feminine presentation, and help you be the best female you can!
Be well!
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