Medical stuff

What I'm about to write I learned a couple weeks ago.  I've been arguing with myself about posting it ever since.  Why?  Well, medical stuff is private.  But this being transition related, specifically HRT, it could be helpful.

Yes.  No.  Maybe.

In any case, I've been too busy to write.  This PhD thing is hard, but if it weren't hard, everyone would do it.   It would be as meaningless as a republican promise.

I had blood work done for my HRT meds for the first time in a couple of years.  No money- no medicine.  I've been on hormones since December 10, 2012.  Not that I remember the date or anything.  For the past several years, when available, I've been on estrogen injections.

I've been doing injections for a couple of reasons.  One was to give my battered and boozed liver a break.  The second was that injected estrogen works faster than any other way.  And it did.  Within a year, I had C-cup breasts.  Yes, I got very lucky in the boob lottery.  They kept growing gradually, and seem to have leveled off at DD.  That would be more impressive if I didn't have that damn wide rib cage and aircraft carrier shoulders from decades of testosterone poisoning.  But I digress.

2 days ago

Of course, in addition to boobs, my skin and features softened.  However, there was another effect.  My mood became calmer.  Yes, really.  Those who knew me in my previous life know that I was constantly angry.  Not so anymore.

It's normal for people on injections to experience mood swings as injection time nears.  I injected every ten days.  If I missed for whatever reason, the Darkness came back- tougher than ever.  I quickly put together the correlation, but being completely depressed, I couldn't motivate myself to do anything, much less stick a needle in my thigh.

Anyway, bloodwork.  My testosterone level was near zero, as it has been for years,  but my estrogen level was over 700.  It's supposed to be between 200-300 tops. High estrogen is bad.  Possible side effects include weight gain, hair loss, and... drumroll please... mood swings.  As in very depressive mood swings.  Oh yeah, higher risk of clots and stroke too.

Let's examine these:

Weight Gain:  In the past few years, I've packed on 50 pounds.  All I have to do is come within a mile of food and I gain weight.

Hair Loss:  My hair has been coming out in clumps.

Mood Swings:  Of course, there's always the Darkness- that never leaves, but it's been especially bad the last few years.  I figured it was due to the fact I was unemployed and broke, and rarely saw Wife and Daughter.  I'm sure that's part of it, but this...

The doctor here at PSU pointed out that there still are no long term studies on the effects of HRT over decades for transwomen.  However, she put me back on estrogen pills.  In a couple of weeks, I'll go back for more blood work.  See if that helps.

I know many of us self-medicate hormones.  Lisa did, and she took a LOT of estrogen.  The level was on her autopsy report.  Did that play a part in her death?  Who knows?  I'm learning first-hand how hormones can really screw with one's brain. Maybe self-medicating is a bad idea.  I know not getting levels checked was bad, but I had no choice.  I'm paying the price now.

So, I guess the point here is *gets up on soap box* if you're on HRT, make sure you get the levels checked, and don't self- medicate.  *gets off soapbox*

More bulletins if I feel like it.  Back to work.  I have a paper and a report due on Monday and Tuesday. 

Oh, btw- I was asked to do a poetry reading on PSU's Transgender Remembrance Ceremony.  It was recorded.  It's HERE if you're bored. 

Be well.