Sunday, March 31, 2019

Men of the Skull Chapter 47: Crow Formal

At this point, I was still very unsure of what I did.  Yes, I was dating Virginia, but I would've preferred Judy.

Here is yet another occasion that age and Transition has given me insight.  I was desperate for affection.  Where many of my fraternity brothers would've not cared about what She thought, and still pursued both women (youth and cockiness,) I couldn't comprehend that frame of mind- at all.  I still can't.

I couldn't admit that weakness to anyone, especially myself.  I felt that unless I had a girlfriend, that made me less of a guy.  Again, I had no idea what Manhood meant, only what I saw.  Frankly, the examples I'd seen of manhood by that point weren't good ones.

So, am I saying that "neediness" is a feminine attribute? Absolutely not.  However, I now recognize that having a partner is not the measure of a man... or a woman.

Did I mention I was young and stupid?


Chapter 47: Crow Formal

Friday, February 13, 1987 Iran panel probes for cover up
            There was no doubt that I was going to Virginia’s Crow formal.  She wanted it to be like a “grand revealing” so that everyone would know we were dating.  This left me with a problem: telling Judy.  How do you tell someone something you don’t want them to know?  Still, I wanted her to find out from me, not Virginia or by just “seeing us.”
            I asked Virginia not to tell her- let it be a surprise.  After all, Virginia was still supposedly dating Chuck.
            Fuck.  How did I get into this?
            So Judy and I went to the library to study and do research for papers.  She was in a foul mood.  Had Virginia told her?
We were walking back through clear freezing night.  The path was lit by the full moon reflecting off the snow and her pale skin.  I finally summoned the guts to tell her. 
“Judy, I have to, um, tell you something.”
“More good news” she said sullenly.
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing.  Tell me.  Please.”
“I’m going to your formal with Virginia.”
“That’s good.”
“We’re kinda dating now.”
Judy’s expression didn’t change.
“Oh,” she said.  “I’m happy for you both.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why?  You have a girlfriend.  That is what you’ve wanted.  Congratulations!”
“But you and I…”
“What about us?  All you’ve done is break promise after promise to me,” she said.
“What promise did I break this time?”
She paused, looked at me a moment, then kept walking.
“Nothing.  I hope you are happy together,” she said.
“You told me many times that I should date her!”
“I didn’t think you actually would!  Either way, it’s none of my business,” she said.
We walked in silence for a bit, our feet crunching on the occasional ice patch.
“Is Rich coming up?”  I asked.
“Yes,” she said, looking at her feet.
Was she crying?  Couldn’t be.

Collegian  February 13, 1987

Saturday, February 14, 1987 Valentines Day Broker admits to divulging inside information
            I met Virginia at their apartment around seven.  She was dressed in a slinky, curve hugging blue dress that showed lots of cleavage.  The bare shoulders made her neck look extremely long, especially with her short hair.  Her face was lightly made up, but she looked so different because she never wore makeup.  She was dressed to show off.  Me?  I wore my old polyester gray suit with a new red paisley tie.  (Paisley was the stylish thing to wear at the time.)
            As Judy and Rich had already left before I arrived, I wanted to fuck Virginia immediately.  After all, that’s why I signed up for this and hurt Judy.
            “No, this thing is a bitch to put on.  You’ll have to wait,” she said, then kissed me while caressing my crotch.
            I then helped her with her garnet colored Crow jacket, which seemed so out of place, but let’s face facts- it was fucking freezing outside.

            The formal itself was typical.  The Crows set up tables in the living room and we had catered food- chicken cordon bleu.  The open bar was at the front of the house, where they normally set up the DJ stuff.  People were pouring incredibly strong drinks for themselves.  I got beer and wine for Virginia and I.  We sat with Kathy, a few other little sisters and their dates.  Judy and Rich were a couple tables over but facing us.  Judy wore an elegant black dress with long sleeves.  It was tight in all the right places.  She looked beautiful. 
            Judy had yet to master the skill of pretending she was having a good time.  It looked like she and Rich were having a spat.
            “Judy keeps staring at us,” Virginia whispered in my ear before giving it a nibble.
            I noticed.  I wonder why?  Maybe your dress?”
            “The little bitch is probably jealous that I’m here with you.”
            “I doubt that,” I said.
            “I don’t.  She and Rich have been fighting all day.  She didn’t want to come tonight, but since he drove all the way here, he finally talked her into it.”
            “That doesn’t mean it’s because of me.”
            “It is.  I know,” Virginia said.
            Every time I stood up, be it to get drinks (several times I offered Judy and Rich a drink, and was politely refused), going to the john, whatever, Crows were asking if Virginia and I were a couple.  It felt really weird to say ‘yes,’ but kinda comforting all the same.  I mean, no one could argue that she looked absolutely beautiful that night.  I was a lucky guy- I was told so many times.  So why did I keep looking over at Judy?
                                                                        Collegian  February 13, 1987

         Later that night, I was leaning on the crowded Crow bar, my back against the one wall- my “usual” spot.  Virginia was away taking a leak in the ladies room.  I was enjoying the music- waiting for the cup of flipping to come, hic, come to me.  Def Leppard- good and loud.
I gotta feel it in my blood
I need your touch don't need your love
And I want, and I need, and I lust
And I want, and I need, and I lust
            Guy pushes himself in next to me.  Seen him before- he’s a brother here.  Think his nickname is Dildo or something.  Italian with thick black hair slicked straight back, unibrow, maybe five eight.  Hear he says he’s a black belt or something. 
            “So have you explored it yet?” he asks me.
            “Explored what?”  I leave off the customary “Your mom?”
            Virginia’s vagina, man!”  He starts to sing “Vah-ginia’s Vah-gina! Vah-ginia’s Vah-gina! Vah-ginia’s Vah-gina!”  Guessing that this may be a fraternity song.
            “That’s none of your fucking biz-business,” I said, turning toward him.
            “Oh come on!  Almost everyone here has.  She’s a little sister after all.”
            Felt ballsy.  “Yeah she mentioned fucking some guys who couldn’t satisfy her.  Figured they were Crows.  Birds have small dicks.  She needed a real man like me to do the job.”
            “Fuckin’ asshole” he started to get all angry.
            “Hey, I’m a fuckin’ guest in your house.  You wanna start something, I’ll be happy to hurt you, but remember, I’m a Skull.  If you guys pile on me, can you handle all of Skull comin’ over, knockin’ on your door? Huh?  Can you?  I don’t think so.”
            He glared at me for a second, probably doing math in his head.   Then he turned and looked down the bar.
            “Hey people!  This fuckin’ Skull says he can out drink us all!” he yells.
            Some people shout abuse.  Others don’t care.  Doesn’t matter.  The avalanche begins.  Every hit, and I hear “Skull!  Drink!”  “Skull!  Drink!”  “Skull!  Drink!”
            Virginia comes back from the pisser (that took a fucking long time!).  “Skull!  Drink!”
            By then I had two full beers in front of me that needed emptying.  “Skull!  Drink!”  “Skull!  Drink!”  “Skull!  Drink!”
            “What happened?”  Virginia said, laughing.
            “Dildo lied.  I’m pay-paying the price.”
            “What?” she said.
            “Skull!  Drink!”  “Skull!  Drink!”  “Skull!  Drink!” “Skull!  Drink!”
            “Skull!  CHUG!”  Wondered how long it would take to hit one face up.
            I breathed heavy, and chugged one down.  Shook my head.  Don’t puke.  Not in front of them anyway.  Don’t puke!
            “Golden chair!”  I shouted as I headed to the bathroom.  (In case you forgot, Golden Chair means no one can give you drinks while you’re gone.) 
            Upstairs.  Stood in line.  Long piss in the sink.  Puke?  Nah.  Not now.  Rinse hands in other sink.
            Out of bathroom.  Virginia waiting.  She smiled. 
            “I found out what’s up.  I told the bar that Dildo lied and he’s getting hammered now.  Wanna go down and play some more?”
            “Vah-ginia’s Vah-gina!  Vah-ginia’s Vah-gina!  Vah-ginia’s Vah-gina!" played in my head.
            “No.  Let’s go to my place.  Play there.”
            She smiled wider.  “Ok!  I just wanna say good bye to Kathy.”
            Sat on a window ledge.  Turned and promptly puked out the open window.  Hope no one was down there.  Should say goodbye to Judy…
            Virginia came back.  Walked to my place.
            Vah-ginia’s Vah-gina.

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