Monday, July 24, 2017

An Old Story

This is a story that happened in early 2009, to the best of my memory.  It's a story that I've told many times, and I've gotten it down to that there's a version that I tell now which while True, maybe isn't exactly accurate.  In any case it goes like this...

In early 2009, I was trying to go to my first Monday Night T-Girls at a Gay bar called Tavern on Camac.   It's in Philadelphia, and I had never been there at that point. I did a Google Search and found it, and also found a nearby hotel, where I booked the room. I don't remember the excuse I gave my wife.  In any case, I was going to meet someone there who was going to do my makeup: Kalina Isato, and then I was going to join everyone else and have a good time- meeting people and being myself for a short time.

Ad for the First MNTG that I actually attended.

In any case, I went to the hotel room, shaved, put on my corset and everything else, put on my bad wig, and walked through the rain in 4 inch heels to the Tavern...

...With no makeup on- so essentially I'm a guy with a bad wig in Drag.

When I arrived at the Tavern, I saw that the door was a very large wooden door, just like something out of Dungeons and Dragons.  It had iron bandings going across it, which really reinforced that image.  I went up to the door and pulled it open with a creak.  (It was very heavy.)  When I opened the door, I was almost blasted backwards by the sound of people singing a show tune from Oklahoma.


And well.

To my left was a grand piano.  On the top of it was a glass slipper, maybe a foot long and maybe about six inches high, filled with dollar bills of many different denominations.  The Man Behind the keys was shaved bald, and wearing a white shirt.  There were five other men who were standing around the piano, and they all were similarly bald- shaved heads- one even wore a white tank top.  All five of them were singing this song.  

In five-part Harmony.

The bar had a bit of a crowd, and in one corner of the bar there were several lesbians who gave me the stink-eye when I walked in.  I didn't notice any trans people whatsoever.  On the far side of the bar were a couple of spaces and I sat down there.  I asked about the Monday night T-girls and I found out that I was there on the wrong night!  It was going to be the following week!


I heard on my way from the door to the bar that it was the bartender's last night at the Tavern.  Apparently he was very well beloved.  This man looked like in his early thirties- very thin with beautiful black hair perfectly styled.  He came over to me after a couple minutes (he was busy after all) and said in a very stereotypical lisp "So honey, you look faaaaaabulous! What will you have to drink?"  I said "well I understand that this is your last night bartending here.  Do you have any specialties that I need to have?"

He stood back, hands on hips, and said "Girlfriend, I make a suh-mart mango cosmopolitan!"

At this point my weird shit-o-meter pegged.   I'd never been in a gay bar like this before, especially not dressed in a skirt and a bad wig, with the people singing a show tunes, and the lesbians glaring at me!  And this guy sounded so much like a bad stereotype or Eddie Murphy imitation, that I just started laughing my ass off!  I couldn't help it!  

So the bartender leaned a little bit toward me, and said "I don't see what's so funny about that!"  I said "Oh no, no, don't mind me- it just reminded of something that someone said earlier, and I just got the joke.  Yes, I would love to have one of your mango cosmopolitans."

And you know what?  It really was damn good!

In fact, I had three of them.  As I was getting ready to go, I asked the bartender if he was allowed to have a drink while working.  He looked at me and said "Girlfriend, what ARE they going to do- fire me?"  so I asked him if he wanted to do a shot of some kind.  Remember, this is back when I used to drink VERY heavily. 

He suggested a shot which had whipped cream on it-it wasn't a blowjob- I don't know what it was.  I don't remember the name of it.  However, when he delivered the shots, he said "Okay fabulous girl, you don't use your hands to do this!"  He made a big deal out of "okay here we go we're going to do this" until everyone was watching, and we both drank.  I ended up with whipped cream all over my face.  He, however, not a drop out of place.  He was an expert.

And so it was, after wiping my face off of whipped cream, I assembled what dignity I had; being a guy with no makeup, a bad wig, and a skirt; put my shoulders back, and did my best to walk with dignity out of the Tavern on Camac.

As I walked back, a SEPTA bus passed me, and I could see the people inside pointing at me as if I were some kind of tourist attraction.  I guess they thought I was some kind of prostitute. I got back to the hotel room, changed, and, since I didn't have to wash off makeup, simply put everything in the car.  I paid my hotel bill and got on the road.  I think I was back home by midnight.

Me at my first MNTG

There are stories that get easier to tell over time, and this has been one of them.  It's gotten to the point where I can tell that story with sound effects, gestures, and that sort of thing.  As I said, while it all happened, this story may not be accurate.  

In any case, it was early in my time as Sophie, and I was so nervous! I'm still a little nervous when I go to Tavern on Camac.  I guess I always will be for that reason.  They've since remodeled it, and there's an amazing restaurant underneath.  I should go back there soon.  After all, it's been a long time since I had a suh-mart mango cosmopolitan!

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