Thanksgiving is almost upon us here in the US. For my readers around the world, if you didn't know, Thanksgiving is a US holiday held in late November. It was created by Abe Lincoln in 1863, and the idea is that we remember that for which we are thankful. It is traditionally a day spent with family.
However, it is currently the official beginning of the Season of Greed, I mean holiday shopping season, otherwise known as Retail Hell. And more and more, it's a shopping day as well.
Of all the major US holidays, Thanksgiving was my least favorite- to the point that I've always hated it. Why? Am I not thankful? No that's not the case. I have no argument with the IDEA behind Thanksgiving. Just the execution. My mum always put on a very good dinner, so that was something to anticipate.
I was always stuck at home. The weather was often miserable. I couldn't see my friends. Being stuck at home meant being stuck with my older brother, who, when bored, would pick fights with me. And he was always bored. So we always fought, and I would always get in trouble. Thanksgiving was a day to get punished. Every year.
Year after Year.
So I'd want to get out as much as possible. I'd take long walks to nowhere- anything to be out of that house and out of trouble. I wouldn't be surprised if my parents were glad I wasn't around so they had relative peace.
But often my Dad wasn't there. He worked for Philadelphia Electric (PECO) and often worked holidays. In fact, he preferred it as PECO paid a LOT of overtime for working that day. So not only did he get paid a LOT for the day, he wouldn't have his two kids fighting to deal with. Who could blame him?
So, I hate Thanksgiving.
Through the years, if I had a job (bartending, etc) where the place was open Thanksgiving and Christmas, I always volunteered to work. Or I took someone's shift which had the advantage of that person would owe me big in their eyes. Several years in a row, I worked on Thanksgiving and had a shot of Wild Turkey for my dinner.
After I got married, I'd split the holidays with Wife's family. Thanksgiving at their place was always a big affair, with too much of really good food, good wine, and often good conversation. At least while her father was alive- he was a man of rare intelligence and I loved hearing his stories of twenty years as a ship captain. The times we went to my parents were always shorter visits, usually because I always had to work the following day in almost every job I ever had.
But this Thanksgiving is going to be very different. Like last year, I am not invited to Wife's family dinner, which she and Daughter are attending. I fully expected that. Last year Wife insisted we have dinner as a FAMILY. Not so this year. This year, I'm going south again to see my parents in lower Delaware.
By their invitation.
And they invited my roomies to come as well.
Let me put this in perspective if I may. This time last year, I fully expected to be disowned by my parents when I came out. I figured that last Thanksgiving was my last with them. Now this year, they have Accepted me as Sophie (as well as they can- it's difficult.) But the point is, that they're making a major effort. And this year they invited three transpeople to dinner. For my conservative family, this is really unprecedented. My brother won't be there this year as he will be at his in-laws.
I had already said I'd be at another dinner just for transpeople. But how can I NOT attend when my parents have extended such a generous invitation. I'll be there if I have to walk.
I work the next morning. Linda does at well- she works before dawn. Zoey doesn't, but with her bad back the trip will be rough. But they are both coming. I'm glad.
Last year at this time, I wrote a piece on Forgiveness. I don't forgive easily if at all. It's a character flaw. But my parents are TRYING. They ACCEPT me. That's a luxury that so many transpeople do not have. So many lose their families over this horrible condition we have. I am slowly building a relationship with my parents stronger than any we've had before. It takes time. I have so many years of built up issues that I need to sort out. But they love me unconditionally.
I'm very lucky.
And Thankful.
May your day be Peaceful, dear readers. I wish you all the best on this holiday, whether you celebrate it or not.
However, it is currently the official beginning of the Season of Greed, I mean holiday shopping season, otherwise known as Retail Hell. And more and more, it's a shopping day as well.
Of all the major US holidays, Thanksgiving was my least favorite- to the point that I've always hated it. Why? Am I not thankful? No that's not the case. I have no argument with the IDEA behind Thanksgiving. Just the execution. My mum always put on a very good dinner, so that was something to anticipate.
I was always stuck at home. The weather was often miserable. I couldn't see my friends. Being stuck at home meant being stuck with my older brother, who, when bored, would pick fights with me. And he was always bored. So we always fought, and I would always get in trouble. Thanksgiving was a day to get punished. Every year.
Year after Year.
So I'd want to get out as much as possible. I'd take long walks to nowhere- anything to be out of that house and out of trouble. I wouldn't be surprised if my parents were glad I wasn't around so they had relative peace.
But often my Dad wasn't there. He worked for Philadelphia Electric (PECO) and often worked holidays. In fact, he preferred it as PECO paid a LOT of overtime for working that day. So not only did he get paid a LOT for the day, he wouldn't have his two kids fighting to deal with. Who could blame him?
So, I hate Thanksgiving.
Through the years, if I had a job (bartending, etc) where the place was open Thanksgiving and Christmas, I always volunteered to work. Or I took someone's shift which had the advantage of that person would owe me big in their eyes. Several years in a row, I worked on Thanksgiving and had a shot of Wild Turkey for my dinner.
After I got married, I'd split the holidays with Wife's family. Thanksgiving at their place was always a big affair, with too much of really good food, good wine, and often good conversation. At least while her father was alive- he was a man of rare intelligence and I loved hearing his stories of twenty years as a ship captain. The times we went to my parents were always shorter visits, usually because I always had to work the following day in almost every job I ever had.
Last Saturday at Angela's Laptop Lounge
But this Thanksgiving is going to be very different. Like last year, I am not invited to Wife's family dinner, which she and Daughter are attending. I fully expected that. Last year Wife insisted we have dinner as a FAMILY. Not so this year. This year, I'm going south again to see my parents in lower Delaware.
By their invitation.
And they invited my roomies to come as well.
Let me put this in perspective if I may. This time last year, I fully expected to be disowned by my parents when I came out. I figured that last Thanksgiving was my last with them. Now this year, they have Accepted me as Sophie (as well as they can- it's difficult.) But the point is, that they're making a major effort. And this year they invited three transpeople to dinner. For my conservative family, this is really unprecedented. My brother won't be there this year as he will be at his in-laws.
I had already said I'd be at another dinner just for transpeople. But how can I NOT attend when my parents have extended such a generous invitation. I'll be there if I have to walk.
I work the next morning. Linda does at well- she works before dawn. Zoey doesn't, but with her bad back the trip will be rough. But they are both coming. I'm glad.
Last year at this time, I wrote a piece on Forgiveness. I don't forgive easily if at all. It's a character flaw. But my parents are TRYING. They ACCEPT me. That's a luxury that so many transpeople do not have. So many lose their families over this horrible condition we have. I am slowly building a relationship with my parents stronger than any we've had before. It takes time. I have so many years of built up issues that I need to sort out. But they love me unconditionally.
I'm very lucky.
And Thankful.
May your day be Peaceful, dear readers. I wish you all the best on this holiday, whether you celebrate it or not.
Sophie -
ReplyDeleteCongratulations... Not only have your parents accepted you as Sophie (even if they struggle a bit with it), but they welcome your roomies as well! This is something to be thankful for.
Over time, I expect to see things change with your wife and daughter. (If I'm right, you're roughly my age, give or take a few years, and the same goes for your to be ex-MIL.) Your (to be) ex-MIL will not be exempt from the problems of old age, will not have the energy to maintain her hatred... This will not fix the problems she's caused, but it will stop her from creating new ones. And only then, will you be able to find a new healthy normalcy on that side of your family....
M