Monday, July 28, 2014



It's a word that isn't in the dictionary.  But Google it, and you'll find many entries.   We in the Trans community know exactly what it means.

To return to the way one was before changing.  In my case, to return to my male life.

I must admit, the thought has crossed my mind.  And I know some people who have done it- who, after going full time, have decided that this life was not for them.

Take Me as I am

But please join me as I think this through.

What do I miss most about my life as a man?  That's easy- there's really only two things I miss- and that's my Wife and daughter.  I miss the day to day life.  I miss my daughter's smile.

If I detransitioned, would they take me back?  Would I get to go back to living with them as a family?  Would all be forgiven?

Nope.  None of that would happen.

No, I could detransition today, get a double mastectomy, burn all my feminine clothes, fall to my knees and beg to return, and I wouldn't be taken back.  Why?  Well that's simple.  Wife isn't the one who threw me out.  That was MIL, and she isn't the type to forgive.  Nor would I ask to return.  No, Wife would have to move, and she's already demonstrated that she's unwilling to do that.

So if I can't get back with Wife and Daughter, why would I do it?  Today I have peace.  I am who I was born to be.  Today, I may live precariously, wondering how I'm going to meet next month's rent.  I am often very lonely, wanting the company of my Wife and daughter.  But I am without the Anger and Pain that ruled my life until recently.

I am four months full time.  I can't go back now.  Even if I wished to do so.

And I do not wish to do so.


  1. Whether your personal Rubicon was starting HRT or going full time I would think that your Rubicon has been crossed. You made the moves that you did with full information and plenty of prior planning and musing. At this point you have crossed the river and you now must make the most of what you find in your current situation.
    Best of luck in all regards, especially in your ongoing relationship with your wife and daughter.

  2. "And I do not wish to do so."