Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Arrested VI: The Final Cut

For those of you who haven't been following along (there will be a quiz), here are the other parts of this magnum opus:

Arrested II: Preliminary Hearing
Arrested III: Psych Evaluation
Arrested IV: Alcohol Highway Safety School
Arrested V: Judged

Right.  So on December 26, I received a letter from the PENNDOT.  It was my reinstatement, valid on the 27th, and my driver's licence.

On the morning of December 27, I climbed into the driver's seat of my Subaru and drove to work.  And I have to say, it felt great.

My thirty day suspension was OVER!  Done!  Finito!  Fertig!

The whole thing is behind me now.  Nearly five months.

Well, not quite over.  There's applying for my record expungement in six months.  Then there's the whole TEN YEARS of never being caught again.  I can manage that.

A lot can happen in five months.  I learned that sobriety isn't an issue for me.  I didn't miss drinking.  Many many people expressed their support, for which I am very grateful. 

Am I still sober?  No.  As I planned, on Dec 29, I rose a glass to toast a departed friend.  I had two glasses of champagne on New years eve.  A glass of wine with dinner the other night.  Nothing even close to what I used to drink.

Some people would look back on this and say "Bad luck" and just go right on their way.  I've met people like that.  Some were in the DUI class I attended.  Me?  I see this as a Life Lesson.

I broke the law.  I pled guilty to this crime.  The Commonwealth gave me my penalty, and I served it.  It SUCKED, but I served it.  (What would be the deterrent if it didn't suck?) 

I NEVER EVER want to go through this again. 

Mirrors Hide Nothing

To ensure this, I had to take a hard look at myself, and my life.  I'm used to looking into the mirror and not liking what I see.  Most Transpeople have this issue.  I also see every little fault in my life; every misstep, every wound I've unintentionally caused others, every hypocrisy.  And this?  This was more than a misstep.

I could've killed someone due to my stupidity.  Or worse.

I remember my friend who died in my arms back in the 1980s, his last breath gurgling blood.  His last words on this plane addressed to me.  "Don't let me..."  The bubbles of blood from his mouth as his last breath left his body.  His car was crushed by a drunk driver.  

And I could've done that to someone else.  To someone I've never met.

Trust me when I say that if I had done this, I would not be breathing now.  I could not have lived with it.

I have a second chance.  God gave it to me.  The Commonwealth gave it to me.  My friends have given it to me.  Now I have to not only accept it, but take it.  And be worthy of it.

Those are the lessons I learned.  That I needed to change, and that maybe I'm worthy of that second chance. 


1 comment:

  1. Ahhhh, the DUI. It took 4 of them, 3 wreaked cars, classes paid for, fines, a great strain on my marriage, and even that didn't detour me from over-indulgence. My drinking routine was aprox. 18 beers on Fri. night, 12 on Sat. night, hungover so bad on Sunday that under the covers was the place to find me, and then Monday after work, a 6 pack. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday were sober days, only because I wanted to "recover", and Thursday night was the tweezing of ALL the hair that had accumulated on my face. Then Friday started a do-over of the next week. On Jan.3rd,'06 I started taking estrogen and spiro. Slowly my drinking level went down, not fast enough to keep me from wreaking my 3rd car, but it kept going down until on Halloween '09, a date one would think "What, Halloween?", I had my last 2 beers, got bored with the bar scene, walked out and only went back once (drinking Coke)for a "good bye" show for a drag queen I've known for all of my bar days. ....I celebrated 3yrs sober this past Halloween. I still take a "toke" once in awhile, but even that has come to being almost none existent. .......Sometimes it takes one a little longer, with a lot of trouble along the way, for one to get to a point of understanding the harm that one is doing or could do. I am very lucky I am still alive and didn't hurt anyone other than my family. I'm glad to read you have a better understanding of your limitations with alcohol. It can be a demon. Making peace with this demon is a lesson best learned early enough to keep from harming oneself or others. I'm glad you've found that peace. Take care, Sophie

    ...............sorry about the length!