Monday, Monday.
Really rough day today for reasons I'll address in a different post.
I was out this weekend. It was Third Weekend- my time out and about as my True Self. Renaissance and Angela's Laptop Lounge.
I had a wonderful time! And saw some people I haven't seen in a while. And wore a new LBD (Little Black Dress).
"Clocked."
It's a term I learned after re-discovering my feminine side. It means being identified as a Transgender in public. It's the opposite of stealth. Someone is publicly saying "Hey look at that guy in a dress!" (In my case.)
I was clocked twice Saturday, both at the same place but at different times.
Day started well enough. I went to True Colors so Amanda could do my makeup. It was great catching up with her. We talked about music and the then upcoming NCAA decision about PSU among other things.
Dammit! I left my camera back at the motel room! No problem- I had plenty of time before meeting people for dinner. So I stopped at the motel to pick it up.
I thought I looked REALLY good in that dress. Not good enough apparently. I walked in the side door of the motel (it was the door closest to my room) and at another door nearby were two boys, one maybe ten, the other a teen. They were both dressed in white t-shirts and jeans.
The ten year old looks at me points yells "Look! A Dude!" Then I was out of his line of sight. I walked with all the dignity I had left to the room without looking back. I have no idea if they were watching my padded behind as I walked down the hall.
I stayed in the room for maybe twenty minutes, adjusting my pads, putting drops in my eyes, trying to relax.
Then I took a deep breath, and left the room. All clear.
I went to Shangrila to have dinner with my good friends Katie and Suzanne. It was quite nice. I started to relax and enjoy being Me.
From there to the Renaissance meeting, where there were several new people. I love seeing new people attend the meetings because I know how much courage it takes to take that first step. I hope that by coming they enjoy the support I enjoyed when I started going (and still get!)
From there, it was off to Blue Pacific, and the Laptop Lounge! I had to park a little further away than usual, but that's not a problem. I put my shoulders back and walked across the parking lot, happy to be me! After all, who cares what a ten year old thinks?
Waiting at Laptop were some friends and the bar. And friends at the bar. Very soon, the place started to fill with Tgirls and admirers. My big sis Mel came in and held court wearing a beautiful black dress.
More admirers have been coming lately. They mostly leave me alone. One of them asked me how it felt to be "adored." I laughed, and said that I'd tell him how it felt when it happens.
Quick digression. I occasionally will get a message from someone, be it on my flickr account, my URNA account, Second Life or wherever, in which they compliment me in some way ("You're so beautiful" or something) then add "you must get that a lot." Or "you must get hit on a lot." I don't. Well, it's REALLY rare anyway. I guess it's my sparkling personality. (That's sarcasm) Or the fact that I'm hetero and married. That said, I DO love compliments. They really help me feel feminine.
Anyway, my dear friend Lisa Emapanada made her entrance. She drove up from Baltimore to be there (about a two hour drive.) I knew she was coming, but she asked me not to tell anyone. She made quite the splash! (Especially with the wardrobe malfunction!) (Hi Lisa!)
Mel and I talked about my earlier encounter with the two kids. She said "It's to be expected at this stage. Get used to it, darlin'!" She's right. Until I get FFS, I'll be easily identified as transgender. Probably after as well, but not as easily. No one said it was easy. Quite the opposite, actually.
"To She" to reprise a previous blog entry.
The night went very well and very quickly. I actually managed to get my camera out and take some pictures this time. I mean, after what I went through to go back and get it and all...
At one point, I decided I'd had enough to drink. I left a fairly full drink on the bar and chugged water.
At 1:30 AM, I said my goodbyes and went back to the Motel. I walked in the same door as earlier and waiting were two guys. One may have been the older one from before. The other was in his twenties and had cornrows and a van dyke beard. Both wore, you guessed it, a white t-shirt and jeans.
The older one said "Good evening SIR!"
I smiled and said "good evening" back in my most feminine voice.
Then walked down the hall to my room.
So this was the SECOND time that day I'd been clocked, and THIRD time at the motel. (First time was over a year ago. I wrote about it long ago on my myspace blog reposted HERE.) So what is about the Motel 6 that people just wander its halls aimlessly late at night?
Digression 2: Someone WAS killed at this motel a some years ago as well as other incidents. Maybe I should be more careful? (That said, googling the murder's name brings up a LOT of racist web sites.)
Anyway, I was back in the room.
"SIR" spoken loudly for emphasis rang in my head.
I remembered what Mel said earlier, and I looked in the mirror.
I saw a woman looking back at me.
I smiled, and so did she.
Really rough day today for reasons I'll address in a different post.
I was out this weekend. It was Third Weekend- my time out and about as my True Self. Renaissance and Angela's Laptop Lounge.
I had a wonderful time! And saw some people I haven't seen in a while. And wore a new LBD (Little Black Dress).
Me in my new LBD
"Clocked."
It's a term I learned after re-discovering my feminine side. It means being identified as a Transgender in public. It's the opposite of stealth. Someone is publicly saying "Hey look at that guy in a dress!" (In my case.)
I was clocked twice Saturday, both at the same place but at different times.
Day started well enough. I went to True Colors so Amanda could do my makeup. It was great catching up with her. We talked about music and the then upcoming NCAA decision about PSU among other things.
Dammit! I left my camera back at the motel room! No problem- I had plenty of time before meeting people for dinner. So I stopped at the motel to pick it up.
I thought I looked REALLY good in that dress. Not good enough apparently. I walked in the side door of the motel (it was the door closest to my room) and at another door nearby were two boys, one maybe ten, the other a teen. They were both dressed in white t-shirts and jeans.
The ten year old looks at me points yells "Look! A Dude!" Then I was out of his line of sight. I walked with all the dignity I had left to the room without looking back. I have no idea if they were watching my padded behind as I walked down the hall.
I stayed in the room for maybe twenty minutes, adjusting my pads, putting drops in my eyes, trying to relax.
Then I took a deep breath, and left the room. All clear.
I went to Shangrila to have dinner with my good friends Katie and Suzanne. It was quite nice. I started to relax and enjoy being Me.
From there to the Renaissance meeting, where there were several new people. I love seeing new people attend the meetings because I know how much courage it takes to take that first step. I hope that by coming they enjoy the support I enjoyed when I started going (and still get!)
From there, it was off to Blue Pacific, and the Laptop Lounge! I had to park a little further away than usual, but that's not a problem. I put my shoulders back and walked across the parking lot, happy to be me! After all, who cares what a ten year old thinks?
Waiting at Laptop were some friends and the bar. And friends at the bar. Very soon, the place started to fill with Tgirls and admirers. My big sis Mel came in and held court wearing a beautiful black dress.
More admirers have been coming lately. They mostly leave me alone. One of them asked me how it felt to be "adored." I laughed, and said that I'd tell him how it felt when it happens.
Quick digression. I occasionally will get a message from someone, be it on my flickr account, my URNA account, Second Life or wherever, in which they compliment me in some way ("You're so beautiful" or something) then add "you must get that a lot." Or "you must get hit on a lot." I don't. Well, it's REALLY rare anyway. I guess it's my sparkling personality. (That's sarcasm) Or the fact that I'm hetero and married. That said, I DO love compliments. They really help me feel feminine.
Anyway, my dear friend Lisa Emapanada made her entrance. She drove up from Baltimore to be there (about a two hour drive.) I knew she was coming, but she asked me not to tell anyone. She made quite the splash! (Especially with the wardrobe malfunction!) (Hi Lisa!)
Lisa and I at Laptop
Mel and I talked about my earlier encounter with the two kids. She said "It's to be expected at this stage. Get used to it, darlin'!" She's right. Until I get FFS, I'll be easily identified as transgender. Probably after as well, but not as easily. No one said it was easy. Quite the opposite, actually.
"To She" to reprise a previous blog entry.
The night went very well and very quickly. I actually managed to get my camera out and take some pictures this time. I mean, after what I went through to go back and get it and all...
At one point, I decided I'd had enough to drink. I left a fairly full drink on the bar and chugged water.
At 1:30 AM, I said my goodbyes and went back to the Motel. I walked in the same door as earlier and waiting were two guys. One may have been the older one from before. The other was in his twenties and had cornrows and a van dyke beard. Both wore, you guessed it, a white t-shirt and jeans.
The older one said "Good evening SIR!"
I smiled and said "good evening" back in my most feminine voice.
Then walked down the hall to my room.
So this was the SECOND time that day I'd been clocked, and THIRD time at the motel. (First time was over a year ago. I wrote about it long ago on my myspace blog reposted HERE.) So what is about the Motel 6 that people just wander its halls aimlessly late at night?
Digression 2: Someone WAS killed at this motel a some years ago as well as other incidents. Maybe I should be more careful? (That said, googling the murder's name brings up a LOT of racist web sites.)
Anyway, I was back in the room.
"SIR" spoken loudly for emphasis rang in my head.
I remembered what Mel said earlier, and I looked in the mirror.
I saw a woman looking back at me.
I smiled, and so did she.
The Woman in the Mirror
I like how you look in the LBD. The big belt look also works well for you and I like the elegant understated nature of the single strand necklace. If the bottom photo was from after you got back to the motel then the makeup and hair held up well. One of these days I need to get to Amanda. I like how your face came out.
ReplyDeleteSome CDs are passable. Others of us, on our best days, can only hope to 'blend'. Sometimes we will be clocked and sometimes not. Sometimes something will be said...other times perhaps not. Most people have some sort of filter on their comments. Others just may not be sure if they are looking at a man in a dress.
In addition to being a big guy, in summer I often have a mid-bicep, short sleeve shirt tan line. I think that you mentioned that you recently had some beach/sun exposure. I think that this may be a tip off. I also have noted that while these days very few GGs wear hosiery in the summertime even fewer wear black stockings or panty hose. I think your hosiery looks good with the LBD but black hose in summer may have also been a tip off.
As a CD I think that I have very finely honed T-Dar. Being a GG and being married to me I think that my wife has even more acute T-Dar. Nevertheless, we do sometimes question the gender of some of the people we see out and about. Sometimes we will disagree as to the gender of people we see.
Having raised two sons and having been a teen age boy myself way back during the LBJ and RMN years I can tell you that there is no filter on the mouths of boys of that age. Let their comments roll off your back like water off a duck's ass.
I am glad that you had a good night out. It is so important to us to be able to get out and about at least from time to time.
Pat