Hits and views

I do something very, very stupid and I do it a lot. 

As those who read this blog know, I hide my female side from my wife and pretty much my whole male world.  That's called "stealth" I guess.   I try to make many pains to make sure my Sophie things are well hidden and that I have cover stories, etc.

So what do I do?

When I'm out I take tons of pictures.  Even worse- I POST these pictures here, and on flickr, and Pink Essence, etc.

Devil with a blue dress on

Not exactly smart, right?  I am creating an electronic trail that leads directly to my cleavage. 

Now, I know that someone who sees these pics wouldn't identify me even if they know me.  I really look different as Sophie.  (And thats the point isn't it?)  But still not only do I tempt fate...

I am upset if people AREN'T looking!

The chart above is from Flickr, and is literally from the second before I typed the last sentence.  On flickr, I have 1,322 pictures on 74 pages going back to December 3, 2008.  I average 1000 views a day.  That's 1000 people looking at my pictures a day.  And if I get below 1000, I feel a little upset- like I'm not worth seeing.

Not exactly stealth.  More like screaming "LOOK AT ME!"  So what happens if one of these sites is discovered? Well, I'm sunk. Done. History. So why keep doing it?



Now, many crossdressers, transpeople, etc, love to take pics of themselves.  Obviously I do too.  Why do I do it?  Well, to remind myself of the good times of course, but also to critique my look.  What did I do wrong?  What did I do right?   And I put these on flickr because...

I love the views and comments.  That makes me feel femininely attractive. Beautiful. Hot. 

From Laptop, June 18, 2011

How neurotic can I be?  How shallow? 

But if I'm taking all that time (and spending all that money) to make myself beautiful, I want to feel it.  I feel it when dressed (usually) and I want validation as well. 

I know I'm not the hottest tgurl out there.  I still see a guy in a dress in the mirror (usually.)  But encouraging comments make me feel like I AM on the right track.  That I CAN be attractive. 

And doesn't every girl want that? 

So I keep on going.  I add pics after almost every time I go out.  And someday I will get caught.  And I have no doubt that when I'm caught, it'll be because of my own stupidity. 

But I'll be doing my best to look my best when that happens!  :)

Dinner on a Friday

I do my best to keep commitments.  I especially do my best to go to work when I am scheduled, as I know what it is like working short handed where I work, and I hate the idea of leaving my co-workers in a bind.

Yet last week I was invited to dinner by my "big sis" as Sophie.  As my family was away for the weekend, I could dress/clean up at my place without renting a room.  These opportunities don't come often! 

So it came down to a quandry- do I go to work and miss time as Sophie, or do I call out sick and be myself for a precious few hours.  I contemplated this for a couple days.

However in the end, there was only one real choice.

Can I go to work like this?

I called into work saying my wife's car wouldn't start (and as she was away, I was stranded), and prepped for a night in a skirt.  I wore a coral top and a denim skirt with brown slingbacks.  Silver hoop earrings.  I did my own makeup.

Dinner was wonderful, and after 6 hours it was time to go.  I drove over to the King of Prussia mall, fully intending to go into Fridays there.  However, my nerve left me when i saw the crowd.  I drove home, took pictures, and sadly cleaned up.

Does this outfit work?

The definition of an addiciton is a behavior that one does to the point of causing harm.  Now being Sophie has cost me hours at work.  But is it an addiction to express one's true self?

Come hither?  lol

Proceedings

The past two weeks have been a bit of a whirlwind for my life and especially for my feminine side. And you get to hear all about it! You lucky people!




After a break of more than a month, I was back at Laptop Lounge on May 21. I wore my white floral sundress, but this time without the girls. Last time I wore it, I didn’t see any cleavage so I didn’t see the point. Oops. Well, it was cut low enough that the tops of my breast forms kept making unannounced (and unwelcome) appearances above the neckline. Sigh. The things I do for beauty!

Feeling spring!

 

I went to dinner with eight other girls at Café Wimberle again. They seem to be used to us now. Then the Renaissance meeting, then Laptop. Laptop was quite crowded this time, especially with admirers. I would find out later that someone posted this event on Craig’s List which brought them out to play.

At Cafe Winberie

I mention them because this night would involve one of them. At Laptop, I circle about and say “hi” to many people, but I tend to stick close to the people I know well (usually at the bar.) It makes me feel just a little more secure. While I have had a guy buy me a drink once, I have never had one seriously hit on me. Why would they? I mean, there are so many other girls there who are pretty and FAR more feminine. I’m working on it, but I have a way to go yet.



But that night, there was a new guy- we’ll call him Ice (because he looks like Ice T a bit.) Ice was sitting at a table most of the night, watching it all happen about him. Around midnight, I was walking by and he called to me. Stood up and introduced himself. He said that it seemed I was the Queen bee or something. “Everyone comes over and pays their respects.” Oh puh-leeze! I laughed so hard and told him how wrong he was. He then shared his observations of others in the room.



Ice was fun to talk to, and he was hitting on me! Me??? He was very blunt with what he wanted, which I won’t repeat but I WILL say it wasn’t very feminine.



Wow. My first time being chatted up. Someone found me femininely attractive. He wanted me. I could NOT believe that- I still see a guy in a dress when I look in the mirror (getting better though!) ;) In any case, I went home alone, as it should be.



Last Saturday, June 4 was a big event here in Philly. It was day 3 of the Philadelphia Trans Health Expo. Over 2000 people signed up for the several day event. I could only attend on Saturday. So I hauled myself out of bed, up to Amanda’s for makeup, then down to the city.

My Transhealth look

 

I’ve walked about Philly myself before while dressed, but always at night. Saturday I walked around in broad daylight wearing a skirt. I was scared out of my mind! Once I arrived at the convention center, I was floored by the number of people there! So many! For the most part, I stayed at the Renaissance table. However, as I skipped breakfast, I was quite hungry.



The closest food was across the street at the Reading Terminal Market. RTM is a Philly landmark, and was PACKED. And there I was, little Sophie, walking alone in the throng. I wanted to test myself, but not that much! However, no one even blinked. The people at the one food stand even called me “maam!” Wow!



I stayed several hours at the con, then went back to my motel room in King of Prussia to change, freshen my makeup, and prepare for Laptop. I decided to wear a pink blouse and one of my faves- a gray pencil skirt.

So do you like it?

 

Laptop was not very crowded as there was a big party downtown marking the end of the conference. I arrived an hour early (again- pushing my limits). There were three guys at the corner of the bar near the only open place to order. They looked at me funny, but didn’t say anything. I ordered my drink and heard the one guy (drunk) bragging how he really wants to try absinthe. Like it would make him cool or something. I smiled and said “Absinthe will f*ck you up.”

Drunk replied “Really? How do you know?”

I said “I tried it once and woke up dressed like this!”

The two other guys just about fell out of their seats laughing. One said “You’re ok, no matter how you dress.”



I’m glad he approves, I guess.

Hanging around in the mall

In any case, it was mellow. My big sis Mel was there, and we watched the Phillies lose. I danced a bit. Enjoyed being Sophie. A GG said she loved my skirt. Ice was there, but we didn’t talk until I was leaving. I left around midnight, as it was a long day, went back to the hotel to become drab again, and went home.



Every time I go out lately I make more small steps. Someday soon I want to spend a day out as Sophie, shopping or whatever. Will I have the guts? I will have to! To continue on this path, I need to master many things yet, and being out and about as a woman is one of the most important.



As a woman. Me. Just the thought gives me chills.

 

Until next time!