Empireless

What a momentous few weeks this has been!  So much has happened that I'm still sorting it all out in my head.

By now, most of you have heard about the beating that happened in Baltimore.  I will address my thoughts on that, but not now.  I'm still watching and thinking about this- hoping that justice will be done.

Then there is the death of Osama Bin Laden.  Monumental.  Again, I'll talk about it some other time.

These are things that HAVE happened.  I want to write about something that is not happening... for me at least.

This weekend- as I type- is the Empire Conference in Albany, NY.  Last year I attended this conference.  This year I am not.  Last year, I learned a lot, grew a lot, and made wonderful friends.  This year, none of those.  Why not?  Simple.  No money.

Normally, my activities as Sopie are paid in advance by my ebay sales.  My job just doesn't cut it.  However, due to the timing of this conference, I had to spend the money elsewhere- on my wife for our anniversary (20 years together- 18 married).  So that meant no trip up.  And as it turns out, I had a huge car repair last week so I am REALLY broke.

What am I missing?  A chance to grow.  Last year, I went shopping for the first time as Sophie.  I walked down a busy city street on a Thursday night- alone (in my black lbd yet!)  I went into a drugstore and bought things as Sophie.  Of course, there are seminars as well.  Oh, and last year I did my first actual stand up comedy routine in front of an audience. 

I miss my friends who will be there.  I feel like the kid who has been grounded on a Saturday night and all my friends are out at the best party ever.  I will hear the stories, see the pics, etc, but it won't be the same. 

What I miss most is time to be me.  To be Sophie.  A few days as a woman- to sort out all those feelings and thoughts inside me.  I want to be able to move on this when ready- but I know that I won't have the money.  So what do I do? 

What do any of us do?

We wait.  And hope.