Monday, November 7, 2011

Sophie at the beach

Last week I went to a conference called “Beauty and the Beach” down in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. I won’t bore you with the day to day minutia. If you want that, please check my TG Forum column here:

On the boardwalk, first day.

What matters the most to me was what I learned from this one and the friends I made. I could just spend a whole blog of shout-outs, but that’d be dull. They know who they are.

The experience was actually kind of strange. I arrived on Wednesday, and after unpacking a little, went for a pedicure at “Bad Hair Day” a few blocks away. Then I discovered that they did makeup as well, so they did that for me. I went back to the hotel, changed and walked the boardwalk for a while. I got a couple looks, but nothing major. Yet I did it- I walked around alone in broad daylight as a woman. It was wonderful!

I have a lot of family in lower Delaware (where Rehoboth is) as that area was where we all vacationed while I was growing up. Many of my cousins moved down there when they became old enough. Frankly, I never liked it- it was dull to someone without a car and who couldn’t attract a girl even if I taped $100 bills to myself (as was the case when I was a pre-teen and tween.)

One of the things we did back then was we’d come to the Rehoboth boardwalk once per visit. My brother and I would hit the arcades, etc. I remember watching the girls and thinking how lucky they were to be female- and this was when their journeys were just beginning! So it was extra special to retrace my steps that day, but now it was I wearing the heels and the skirt.

That night, I met some new people at dinner and we went out drinking. I seem to drink a bit at conferences. Character flaw. That night I went out dressed in a sweater, jeggings and boots. I really enjoyed going to a club in jeans and boots. I felt hot. My feet hated it though. After the bars closed, I went back to the boardwalk for another walk. It was very emotional for me to look down and see breasts and know I appeared female while walking the boards at night.

Night at the bar

So the next day, I did my own makeup. I wore jeans and a different sweater and walked about town a little. I must say that this was one of the best parts of the trip: walking around alone as a woman, shopping. I felt my hips sway as I walked, heard the clack of my ankle heels, and felt my breast forms bounce slightly in my bra. I was in heaven.

Evil Queen Sophie

That night was the costume contest. As I spent a lot of money and time with Lorraine getting my costume made, I really thought I had this one nailed. But I didn’t- came in second. The other costume deserved to win. And she made it herself. So back to the room, back on with the LBD and out for karaoke at the Blue Moon. The hostess saw me kneeling in front of the table with the song book and called me a “midget Amy Winehouse.” That was funny! I drank a lot, and sang “Love Stinks.” Walked home with a group of gurls and hung out in room 123, which was a large suite with a hot tub in it.

Friday, the wind blew! 30-40 mph sustained winds all but trapped us in the hotel. I did trivia, and basically hung around. That night was a “Hot legs” contest. Got my makeup done by Amanda Richards and wore my shortest skirt. I placed in the top three, of which I was very proud. So I changed into a longer skirt for a bit, then into a different outfit for partying at the bar. Drank a LOT.

Don’t Ask.

Saturday I felt like shit. Go figure. The hotel bar is cash only, so I went to the ATM to get some. Good thing I was in drab, as I bumped into a cousin. We talked for a bit. I was scared shitless. My cover story to everyone at home was “business trip around PA.” And what if she’d seen me as Sophie?

I was rattled- hard.

Went back to the room. It was a cloudy, windy day. I felt physically ill. I felt like everything about me was wrong. I mean, let’s look at it: I lie to my WIFE, to my work, to my friends, and to do what? Put on a dress and a bra and hang out at a bar? I packed up most my things. I lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling thinking I should just go home. I wanted to go home and avoid everything.

Then Jone called from downstairs. And I went to her room (the now infamous suite 123) and we talked. She and another girl said I should tell my wife- sooner the better. Hard to argue that except for that one lil issue of “What if she throws me out?”

I stayed around. Amanda Richards did my makeup again, and when she was finished I looked in a full length mirror. Staring back at me was a woman. Me. Not some crazy ass mess of a guy- but a woman named Sophie. It made everything better for a moment. I smiled.

That night, I did a comedy routine for the show and people seemed to love it. I received a lot of compliments. I love compliments! What girl doesn’t? ;) After the show, I had my first drink of the day. I would only have one other.

Doing the stand-up

Later that night, we all sat in Jone’s room again. The mood was subdued. I really wasn’t in a talking mood myself. My hose were off, as was my corset. I sat on the floor in my dress. It wasn’t a question of “wrong” at that point. Being in a dress was right. The rest of my life seemed wrong- or is it just the way I’m conducting the two parts?

I drove home the next day. I didn’t tell my wife. I still haven’t. I’m scared. I went to Rehoboth to conquer a fear (of being dressed near family) and failed. I’m more scared now than ever.

At least I met new friends and enjoyed the time I WAS properly dressed. It was a good conference. Shame I couldn’t take away the lessons and make them work- yet.


  1. Dear Sophie,
    You are beautiful and I love your pictures! I am a wife of a recently transgendered person from male to female. As I read your post I was reminded of the days when "Scott" would cross-dress. First without me knowing and then afterwards telling me about it the many years of shame and confusion and all that you described. The up and down moments. We met when he was a teenager but I didn't know any of this until after we got married. I am blessed to say we've been married 27 years. It hasn't been easy for both of us for different reasons but... we are making it. I understand what you mean when you say you are scared. Of course you are. But be gentle with yourself and time will be your friend. You accomplished a lot this weekend and you did conquer a lot of fears! Good for you! It's important to celebrate the small victories.

    Take care, Lucy

  2. i loooove the shoes and outfit in the boardwalk photo
    some how i didn't know about your ongoing adventures in your blog glad i found it.

    so when are you coming back to nj on another lunchen/shopping spree? *te he*