Gen X vs Gen Z 80s Music Lists

In addition to my PhD studies here at PSU, I also work at the LGBT Center part time.  There I do various things, including (for a while) delivering and re-doing transgender training programs (they have hired someone to do that job who isn't me.  Apparently I'm not a 'good ambassador.)  In any case, PSU celebrates Pride Month in April, as no one is here in June (comparatively.) Of the three signature events of the month, one is the "Prom you didn't have" where students can be themselves.

This year, the theme was "Decades of Decadence", and we had displays about LGBT history pre-1920, 1920, and each decade until now.  I was assigned 1920s, 30s, and 40s, where I drew a lot of what was happening from Weimar Germany (which I wrote about HERE) and Pansy Parties of the 20s and 30s.  The music for this prom would be drawn from decades between 1920-current.  I was asked to find music from my time periods.  What?? The Queen of 80s music doesn't get to select 80s music!  A woman who LIVED the 80s is denied?  

The History Panels, each seven feet high

I got over it.

Fortunately, I know enough about 20s-40s music to be dangerous, and I sent selections for each decade.  But I wondered... what 80s music would the person selecting the 80s music choose?  What music would someone born decades after the Decade of Greed and MTV select as the most appropriate dance-ish music of the decade?  

So I made my list.  As I didn't attend the event (that would've been creepy and thrown off the 'vibe'), I asked the Gen Z student (GZ) for their list so I could compare.  I told them about my little thought exercise.  They sent me the following (to which I've added links.)

"80s-

- “Take on Me” a-ha (upbeat dance)

- “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” Tears for Fears (upbeat dance)

- “Come on Eileen” Dexys Midnight Runners (upbeat dance)

- “Careless Whisper” George Michael (cooldown)

- “Time After Time” Cyndi Lauper (slow dance)

- “The Way You Make Me Feel” Michael Jackson (upbeat dance)

- “Never Tear us Apart” INXS (cooldown)"

Art by Nagel.  He defined the early 80s.

I then sent her my list, with comments.  I added links.

"Interesting (And great choices!)  I went for all upbeat.  And didn't look at yours, as that's the point of this exercise.  

Billie Jean - Michael Jackson (over Beat It as it's just iconic.  That bass line!  Michael is one of 4 "must have" mainstream artists)

Vogue - Madonna (Madonna is a must have, and this one set off a craze.)

Tainted Love - Soft Cell (yes, a cover, but iconic.)

1999 - Prince (This barely beats out Let's Go Crazy or Kiss.  Prince is another "must have")

Girls Just Want To Have Fun- Cyndi Lauper (Just pure joy from one of the most original mainstream 80s artists)

The Safety Dance - Men Without Hats (Oh come on- this is just fun!  Bouncy silly fun song about nuclear annihilation)

Pump Up the Volume - M/A/R/R/S (That groove!) (The video isn't official, but it's fun)

Relax - Frankie Goes To Hollywood (Gay icons break through with an infectious hook.  I prefer Two Tribes, but this one is the better known)

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go - Wham! (Another "must")

Nasty - Janet Jackson (Attitude, beat... yes!)

(Obviously, I had to leave a lot out.  But these are what I remember as being inescapably huge songs in the clubs of the time)"

***********************************************************

In a second email, I sent this:

"My thoughts on your selections (like you care)  😉 :

- “Take on Me” a-ha (upbeat dance)  This was the last one I cut.  It was between this and "Pump Up the Volume."  This one is iconic.

- “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” Tears for Fears (upbeat dance)  Gen X theme song.  I didn't include it as it just isn't as danceable.

- “Come on Eileen” Dexys Midnight Runners (upbeat dance)  Huh.  I wasn't aware that y'all knew this Celtic mess of a song.  One of my personal faves, an the dirtiest mainstream #1 hit of the 80s

- “Careless Whisper” George Michael (cooldown)  Iconic.  Perfect choice for cooldown.  If I'd included slower numbers, this would be there.

- “Time After Time” Cyndi Lauper (slow dance) Co-written by Rob Hyman of the Hooters (who sings backup), this was my first girlfriend and my "song."  Again, iconic and would've been included over True Colors.

- “The Way You Make Me Feel” Michael Jackson (upbeat dance)  My personal MJ fave, but I'll stick to Billie Jean.  Still... this groove...  (loses points for the stalky creepy video)

- “Never Tear us Apart” INXS (cooldown) Is this their best slow song?  Easily.  Moody, smoky, heartbreaking.  Again, if I'd included slow jams, this would be there.  Don't Change is still my fave INXS song, which was simply amazing live.  

A couple of slow jams I'd consider as well:

Keep on Loving You- REO Speedwagon (8th grade dance heaven)

You're the Inspiration- Chicago.  (Barely over Hard to Say I'm Sorry)

True- Spandau Ballet.  So smooth.  Senior year dance vibes.  

I'm that type of guy- LL Cool J.  Smooth hip grinder.  

Purple Rain- Prince.  Duh."  

They never responded to the emails, so I never knew what they thought of my selections or comments (they mentioned they were surprised that they were aware of Come On Eileen, as it's very well known to Gen Z.)  

I asked AI to generate a list of 80s greatest dance party hits.  It returned:

Break my Stride- Matthew Wilder

Don't Stop Believin'- Journey

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Eurythmics

Girls Just Want to Have Fun- Cyndi Lauper

Every Breath You Take - the Police

So obviously our robot overlords don't know squat about 80s dances.  

So, what do I think of their list, and how it compares to my crusty old self's list?  

As I wrote GZ, their list was interesting.  Obviously it would be very hard to screw this list up, but it could be done.  I'd say their choices are 'safe' and kinda what I'd expect from someone who is passingly (is that a word?) familiar with the decade's music.  Then again, my selections were 'safe' as well, spanning several genres but avoiding others that might be less... identifiable, like Electronica (Kraftwerk), Avant Garde (Grace Jones comes to mind), a deeper dive into various hip hop genres (Run DMC, Grandmaster Flash, Sugerhill Gang), or more New Wave/New Romantics, like Adam Ant and Elvis Costello (Goody Two Shoes and Pump It Up almost made my list.)

In many ways, the music of the 1980s (my high school and college years) is timeless.  It brings back memories of times good and bad, and especially of the days when the music MATTERED.  Music was my escape from my life at the time and meant everything to me.  In many ways it still does despite my hearing loss making listening more difficult.  It reminds me of a time when I was young, and the possibilities were endless if I could just escape my small town.  

I stopped being "current" with music around the end of Grunge, and really don't like much of the current stuff I hear.  Not to sound like my parents, but it all sounds the same to me.  I acknowledge the talent/genius of Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift, but I don't listen to their music.  It isn't MY music.  It isn't aimed at me.  So now I remain stuck in my little music cocoon of genres pre- 1994.  I listen to big band, Sinatra, Doo-wop, "classic rock", and my precious 80s music.  (I'm the Queen of 80s Trivia, btw.)  

In the end, my final evaluation and comparison is this: who am I to judge who like what?  Of course a Gen Z person would make safer choices than someone my age- they don't know the possibilities- the breadth and majesty of 80s music.  It would be like me making a list of 1960s music and comparing it to a hippie's.  Yes, I know a LOT about the era, but I didn't live it, and I don't know the nitty-gritty of the scenes.  What would I make for an 80s party for people my age?  I already did that: 4 CDs worth.  :)

Oh, in case you're interested, this is the list I sent in for 20s-40s.  I don't know if/what was played.  

1920s 

Eddie Cantor: Makin' Whoopee  (mid tempo) 

Sweet Georgia Brown (quick) 

Sophie Tucker (fast) / Bessie Smith (slow):   I Ain't Got Nobody 

Jelly Roll Morton: Black Bottom Stomp (fast-ish) 

Cole Porter (Ella Fitzgerald) : Let’s Do It (Let’s Fall in Love) 

Irving Berlin: "Puttin' On the Ritz" 

1930s 

Duke Ellington:  It Don’t Mean a Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing) (mid tempo) 

Bennie Goodman: Sing, Sing, Sing (With A Swing) (fast- best known song of the big band era) 

Air Mail Special (fast) 

Cole Porter:   

    I’ve Got You Under My Skin 

    Night and Day  

    Anything Goes 

Andrews Sisters: "Nice Work If You Can Get It" 

Glen Miller:  "Moonlight Serenade" (slow, but guaranteed you know it) 

    Pennsylvania 6-5000 

Cab Calloway: Minnie the Moocher (mid tempo) 

Count Basie: One O’Clock Jump (fast) 

Louis Armstrong:  Stardust 

    Just a Gigolo (slow) 

Lil’ Armstrong: Lindy Hop (fast- spawned a dance craze) 

1940s 

Duke Ellington:  Take the A Train (mid-fast) 

    I Got It Bad (and That Ain’t Good) (slow- get the Ella Fitzgerald (best) or Nina Simone (if you         want a more modern interpretation) 

Glenn Miller: "Chattanooga Choo Choo" (fast) 

Andrews Sisters: "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" (all A.S. songs are fast) 

    "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree" 

    “Rhumboogie” 

Artie Shaw: Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive 

Be well.  

Men of the Skull Chapter 49: Assisted

This chapter has to do with a Fraternity party, but not one of Skull's.  At Penn State (and in the book) I become very close to two Little Sisters of Alpha Chi Rho, also known as "Crow House."  In the book, the two women are named Judy and Virginia, and they were roommates at Sutton Court.

Fraternity Map, circa 1987.  Color additions are mine.  Yes I know I screwed up Lambda Chi's location

By this point in the story, I was dating Virginia.  She was a sophomore from Boyertown, which was maybe half an hour from where I lived back home.  As I described her in an earlier chapter:

Virginia was about five foot six- a full four inches taller than Judy (even without the boots).  She wore extremely tight jeans that showed off her curves and black boots with three inch heels.  Her hips were wider than Judy’s and she had a nice butt.  She wore a hooded maroon sweatshirt with the letters AXP in blue.  Even with the thick sweater, I could see she had very nice breasts.  Her face was oval with a delicate, angular jaw and sad hazel eyes.  She reminded me a lot of the girl on the cover of Dylan’s “Freewheelin’” album: Suze Rotolo, except Virginia had very short brown hair- cut shorter than mine. 

It made for an interesting look- almost butch, but not.  Virginia was almost the perfect foil for Judy: Judy was so incredibly feminine and in some ways delicate, while Virginia had the whole “ball-buster” thing going for her.  I know that sounds fucked up, but that was the 80s.

This story is about a mid-winter party at Crow house, and it was typical of Crow parties of the time.  Like every other fraternity, a Saturday night party meant packed rooms, packed basement bar, loud music and many kegs of beer (Skull would go through 25-30 kegs on any given party night.  I don't know how many Crow finished, but their house was smaller, therefore so were their parties.)

Crow House

In April 2008. I was almost finished writing the book.  I saw was at PSU for a Skull function, and drove past Crow House.  The door was wide open, and people were milling about.  Crow was moving back into their old House (long story.)  I parked, and walked up to the porch.  There I spoke to a couple of the brothers.  I told them about the book I was writing, about Crow's part in it, and asked if I could go in and take some pictures- escorted if necessary.  The Crow brothers very graciously granted permission, and the House President accompanied me.  I hadn't been in that house in over twenty years at that point.  As I took pictures, I told him stories of my Crow house memories.  He asked questions, and seemed really interested.

The pictures in this chapter are the ones I took that day.

**********************************************************************

Chapter 49   Assisted

Early Sunday, February 21, 1987 Levine sentenced to 2 years for insider-trading scheme

            Virginia was drunk.  She was behind the bar at Crow while we played the usual Flip a Cup/ Three man games and it was only about one AM.  But she went to Lil Sister Happies before coming here, so she’d been drinking for maybe seven hours, and even she had her limits.  Tonight she wore her black Skullympics shirt which had her letters on the back.  Nothing fancy.

            It didn’t help that  the older alum standing next to her behind the bar kept giving her drinks, and made her “Three-man” (or “Three bitch” as he called her.)  I’m guessing he was in his thirties.  His dark hair was in full retreat from the top of his head, and he had a big beer gut.  He wore jeans and a white dress shirt with a big collar, and several gold chains.  Disco Duck!  He was definitely trying to get her drunk and fuck her.  I smiled- this should be fun to watch. 

            The idea that he might succeed never entered my mind.  Why should it?

This large paddle used to hang downstairs in the party room.  I'm told it dates back to the 1950s.

            “Pour some shugah on meeeee!” blasted Def Leppard from the speakers.  Disco swayed to the song as he tried to flip the cup in front of him.  He failed twice, drank, and, smiling, passed the cup to Virginia.  She smiled and thanked him.  Rubbed the rim of the cup around in the beer swill on top of the bar for “traction” and flipped. 

            Plastic cups make a hollow pop when they land top down on the bar. 

            “Consume, dear!” she pointed her elbow at me.

Stairs to the basement party room.  They would normally be slick with beer.

            I tapped the cup on the bar and raised it over my head (current rules, aside from DDD) and drank.  The dice came to me and I rolled.  4 and 1:  Popsicle!  Disco was last to put his finger on his nose, so he drank.  Rolled again: 5 and 4: nothing I passed the dice to Virginia, who missed on her third flip, and passed the cup to me.  Someone down the bar scored with the other cup and shouted for Virginia to drink, which she did. 

            She rolled: 3 and 1.  She gave the “Three man” honor to Mandy, who was down the other side of the short bar from her. 

This first floor room used to be the dance floor during parties.  I think they were setting up for a dinner here. 

            And so it went.  Disco kept talking to her but I couldn’t hear what he was saying.  She said stuff back, but it was more about current events around Crow house.  He kept smiling and inching closer to her.

“An ain-gel’s smahl is what you sell.  You promise me heav-un, then put me through hell!” shouted Bon Jovi.

Looking through the entrance to the basement party room.  These benches lined two walls.

Sure enough, Disco eventually put his arm around her and tried to kiss her.

Virginia turned and kneed him right in the nuts.

“I said NO, ASSHOLE!” she shouted, a look of drunken fury in her eyes.

The room went silent except for the music.

“You give love a bad name!”

The basement party room, from the entrance.  The bar used to go all the way across, so the only access was the door seen in the back.  The room was lit with red lights.  The tables were not there.

Then people began to laugh and the noise started up again.  Disco picked himself off the floor, angrily spurning offers of help.  His white shirt was covered with grey beer muck.

He stood and glared at Virginia who glared right back at him: tense, breathing heavily.  He looked like he was about to say something when two guys hustled him back through the open door in back of the bar.  I think he shouted something about “little sisters” but I couldn’t quite hear.  The opening chords of “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” blasting from the speaker next to me obscured everything.

Virginia turned to me and smiled.

“I love my brothers.  They watch out for us!”

From the main room on the first floor.  These were the Crows I knew.  

Next Chapter

Last Chapter

First Chapter

           

Dead Dancing

On Sunday, April 8, I attended a benefit concert at Ardmore Music Hall.  Glenn Fest 2018 was a benefit.

The bands are all donating their time to this great cause. The cost is only $5.00 to cover expenses add to a scholarship to help young, aspiring, local, original bands/musicians have a chance to make it. We believe that Glenn would really dig this! (from facialbook)

Going to the show

I never met Glenn Abrams.  However, someone whose opinion matters to me loved this guy.  And the fact that SO many people were there was testament to how Good this person was.  Also, there were bands.  Live music.  I haven't had enough live music in my life in years.

I met many people there (sorry I'm horrible with names.)  One of them was a guy from Belarus who barely spoke English.  He had long hair and a goatee, and seemed nice enough.  I'm told he was a sniper in the Russian military.

Paul Shannon

There were four bands: Paul Shannon, The Grizz Band, Walking Dead, Sammy Vile and Vilebred.  Paul Shannon played an acoustic thing, then Grizz Band came on.  They are a local band who Glenn loved.  They were a fun combination of covers and originals.  The guitar player had some fun guitar faces.  :)

Grizz Band

Then came on Walking Dead.  They are a Grateful Dead cover band, and who I came to see.

I've mentioned several time in the blog and on facialbook that I'm a MAJOR Deadhead.  I went to many shows, but none since Jerry Garcia died in 1995.  I got into the Dead when I was at PSU, and I remember going to see a cover band called "Crazy Daze" many times.

Walking Dead

I used to dance a little at these shows, but, as a "guy" I felt I couldn't REALLY dance.  Guys didn't dance.  I would shuffle and maybe wave a little.  Some guys CAN dance, and dance well.  I've never been one of them.  I always felt that if I danced how I wanted, people would see my hidden female side, and that simply could NOT happen.

And so, I rarely danced.  (Unless I was really drunk.)

And now, here I was at a show with a Dead cover band for the first time as a woman.

Did that make a difference?  Well, yes- otherwise I wouldn't be writing about it!  First off, I wore a dress with a skirt that had some "sway" to it.  I have some "hippie" skirts, but they are heavy, and don't have the movement I wanted.

Accordion Skirt Dress

So I wore a swaying skirt dress, and made it to the Ardmore Music Hall.  There I met my friend Elayne and her crew.  Paul Shannon was up first, and he was quite good.  Then the Grizz Band, who were wonderful.  I didn't dance to either of their music.

Then came Walking Dead.  I danced near my table a bit- but like I never danced before.

I felt Free.

I could dance the way I felt.  I felt the skirt flowing around my legs as I swayed my hips.  I let my arms reach up and hands do what the music desired.  I felt completely as one with the music in a way I never had.  I could express who I Really am, and how the music made me feel.

I could dance like the woman I was born to be.

The music was wonderful!  The band played mostly Grateful Dead songs, but also played some other groups.  By the end, I was in front of the stage with many others.

I was totally at ease and not self-conscious.  I allowed myself to bare my soul.

And I danced.

Against Me

Back on October 10th, I did something that I hadn't done in a many years- I went to a concert.

It was my first concert ever as Sophie, and I kind of didn't know how to dress.  I mean, it's not like a fat fifty year old woman can wear a tight leather miniskirt and tease out my hair...

It was also my first punk rock show in more years than I care to admit: decades at least.  I went to see Against Me.  Laura Jane Grace's band.

I bought the tickets as soon as I heard about the show- I think it was back in July or August.  I bought two of them, thinking that my roomie and bestie Linda Lewis would come with me.  But, she had to work the next morning, and couldn't attend.  As I was a lot short on money, it didn't look like I was going to be able to attend either.  (Parking in Philadelphia is usually quite expensive.)

Ready for the show

However somebody online (and I won't say who because she asked for an anonymity) fronted me the funds for parking.  Also Laura Jane herself sent me a tweet saying that if I could make it she would cover my parking personally.  I thought that was really nice!  In any case I got myself dressed and drove down to Philadelphia- to the Union Transfer- found a place to park and went into the show.

As it turns out, there were some people there that I knew- Morgan was there with her Paramour.  I was standing at the edge of the bar area (which they couldn't enter neither of them are 21) talking to them as we waited for the first band to show up.

The first band was the Dirty Nil.  They were from Canada , and were pretty good.  The second band was Bleached, who were an all woman band from Los Angeles.  Both had a raw Punk sound, and their stage show was half decent.  Bleached is fronted by two sisters, who were both quite beautiful. I met them after their set out in the lobby, where they were signing CDs and selling their t-shirts.  They were kind enough to pose for a picture with me.

Me with Bleached

I went back in and found a place to stand: behind the soundboard (someone whose opinion I trust told me that was the best place to watch the show.)  Near where I was standing were several other people.   We got to talking, and I mentioned to them that I was trans.  They were really cool, and asked me some good questions.  One of them is on the Temple University Radio Station where she does a music show.  I'm sorry I don't remember her name, but she was very nice and very knowledgeable about Punk. Actually, she knew a lot more about the modern music then the past, so she was asking me questions about the punk of the 70s and 80s (which I knew very well as that was my time.)

The lights darkened and out came Against Me.   They kicked right in to True Trans Soul Rebel and everyone, including me, were singing along.  The entire room knew every word.  There were a lot of trans people in the audience. I didn't know any of them, except for the ones that I mentioned earlier.  I would meet some of them later.  I'll come back to that.

So as the show went on.  Laura Jane Grace was simply amazing!  She dominated the stage, and just projected a confidence and power that were palpable.  There were even two big blow-up ghosts that showed up on a song called Haunting Haunted Haunts.

For me the highlights were the songs from their album Transgender Dysphoria Blues.  It was my first Against Me album and I can pretty much sang every word- just like everyone else at the show it seemed.  Laura gave a great introduction to the song Transgender Dysphoria Blues. which I recorded on my phone and put up on YouTube.

Laura Jane Grace absolutely dominated the stage. The show was electrifying- I found myself completely Carried Away by the music.  As with most punk shows I've attended, there was a mosh pit up front, and a lot of people doing stage-diving, and by the end of the show, there are maybe about 30 people on the stage in addition to the band.  It was absolutely wonderful! 

After the show, I hung out for a while.

I had heard that Laura like to hang out after the show and would come and hang out with the fans if they were waiting for her.  However she had a case of bronchitis that night, which I didn't think affected her singing, but some people commented they could tell.  As I was waiting, I met a few of the trans people from Philadelphia.  I'd never met them before.  In fact, I'd never even seen them on Facebook.  They stayed in the city, they said, because none of them had cars.  They would take the subway or the bus wherever they were going.  Many of them lived in a "shitty place" in South Philadelphia.

They hung out for a while afterwards and I hung out with them.  They gave me their names, and I'm sorry I forgot them (I'm just horrible with names sometimes) but they were very nice people.

They eventually found their Uber and Lyft rides and went home.  I joined about ten other people at the side of the building next to a fence where we could see the tour buses and vans.  Some of the people from the Dirty Nil and Bleached were searching for the keys to one of the vans.  They left them somewhere so they were stuck without a van.  (They found them eventually.  They came over and joked with our group for a bit.)  I'm guessing just Against Me were on the buses.

After about two hours, a lone figure approached the fence where we stood.  She wore a black hoodie.  It was Laura Jane Grace!  She came over, smiled, and greeted us all.  Many of the people who I were there with had met her many times before.  She apologized for the show, saying that she had the bronchitis, and we were all said "no it was amazing!"  She very graciously signed things, including the CD I brought with me, and she was kind enough to take a picture with me.  She stood on top of the fence, and someone took the picture.

With Laura Jane Grace

She hung out for maybe twenty minutes talking and joking with us.  We had a very good time. However she was very tired, and eventually she turned to go back to the bus.  I watched her walk away back toward the bus through the empty parking lot, and I thought how small and fragile she looked- how vulnerable- so very different from the person that dominated that stage.

So who is the real Laura, I wondered.

I supposed they are both her- two halves of the same person.  After all, who's the real Sophie?  Is she the person who does all the writing, the activism, and the training?  Or is it that weak person who the Darkness ensnares, and who just wants to curl up in a ball and die?

We are all complex people and one can tell by Laura's music that she is a very complex person.

I enjoyed the show very much, and no, I didn't ask her to pay for my parking.

I finally got home around 2 a.m. and I had to be up at 5 to take Linda to work.  On my way home, I listened to the CD Transgender Dysphoria Blues: the one that she had signed for me

And I thought about that lonely figure walking back to a darkened bus.

Falling Stars

Last week was pretty horrific.  One of the things that happened was the sudden death of Tom Petty.

Don't worry- I'll be writing about Sessions stripping me of my civil rights, and the GOP launching legislation outlawing me soon enough.

Many of my friends were deeply affected by Tom Petty's death.  While I understand how they feel, I do not feel it.

I was very sad when David Bowie died.  Prince's death also left a mark.  Jerry Garcia affected me most.  One of my close friends made fun of me for being so down, and he was absolutely ruthless about it for days, especially after I asked him to lay off.  Our relationship soured, and hasn't been the same since.

A friend should acknowledge another friend's Pain.  

Tom Petty was an amazing musician.  I saw him in 1985, when he was touring with Bob Dylan.  He and his band believed in the Power of music, and it showed.  He had some great songs as well (though, that said, I'm SO tired of every song from Full Moon Fever!)

Music has Power.  For many, the Music is a major part of their lives (I'm one of them.)  To drag an old cliche out, the Music we love is the soundtrack of our lives.

I saw Tom Petty live when he and the Heartbreakers toured as Bob Dylan's backing band in 1985.  he was amazing, with and without Dylan.  But that isn't my favorite Tom Petty memory.

No, that came in 1986-7: my first year at Penn State.  I met a pair of girls through working at Burger King.  In my book, I call them Judy, and Virginia, so that is what I'll call them here (in the wildly unlikely case my book gets published.)  They were roommates in Sutton Court apartments, and the relationship I had with them really defined my PSU experience.

I'd go down there most nights to study, do homework, drink, etc,  and we'd listen to music.  Judy had a record player, but only a few albums.  The ones we listened to the most were a Queen hits compilation... and Tom Petty Damn the Torpedoes.  Usually only side one.  On that side was a song that spoke deeply to me:  Even the Losers.

I saw myself as the biggest Loser of all time.

Still do.

But that's out of the scope of this entry.

I shared some amazing times with those two, and, in many ways, this was a year that defined me.  And Tom Petty had a part in it.

Years later, I bought the CD.  Listening to it takes me back to those months at Penn State in that apartment with the two of them.  Oh, and it's a damn good album too!

Part of the soundtrack of my life.

Be well

Thespian

A few weeks back I wrote about auditioning for a play: the Vagina Monologues.

Monday, February 13, 2017 was the day.  I was to be there by 3 pm for a run through, etc.  I took my time getting ready.  I had to do so quietly, as Linda, my roomie and bestie, was asleep.  She had worked very early that morning, and needed it.

I wish I could've afforded the time and money to go see Amanda Richards for a proper makeup job.  Or that Linda wasn't so bone tired, so she could do it (she is a Hollywood trained makeup artist,) but wishes are Lies, and I had to do it myself.

I put on my red polka dotted dress, my only pair of hose that fit, and red pumps.  I felt ready.  I felt VERY good about my hair.  Sophie's Luck:  Perfect hair... on a day with High winds.

Behind the seats before the show.

I got into my car and noticed that the hose had a major run in them.  DAMMIT!  So off they came.  They later came to rest in a dumpster near the theater.

The ride was around 45 minutes, during which I listened to the Grateful Dead to put me in a better mood.

I parked two blocks from the theater in the only free parking I could find.  It was a cold walk to the theater, and the door was locked.  I could see no one inside.  I looked for shelter from the freezing wind, then someone else walked up to the door, and they were let in.  I ran over as fast as I could in three inch heels and also went in.

I was met by one of the director/producers, Bethany.  She led me through the theater to the dressing room.  It was small and cramped.  I'd never been backstage at a theater before.  I was nervous.  Excited.  I walked around the stage area and began meeting other actresses.  Ebony, the other producer/director, and the one with whom I worked on my original piece, appeared later.

Most of them were younger than me, and most of them had acting experience.  Lots.  It seemed that most of them knew each other.  Yet, I didn't feel like an outsider.  I was there as part of something bigger.

Ebony (producer/director), some fat chick, "Messie", Kira, Tatiana, Bethany (producer/director), Jennifer.

Soon enough, my dear friend Kira arrived.  After auditions, I was asked if I knew transwomen who would be interested in joining the cast.  I thought about it, and asked two of my dear friends.  One couldn't make it due to a conflict, but the other- Kira- auditioned and won a part.  I was so happy she would be there with me.  And, in fact, during our group part, she would be standing next to me.  She is a pillar of strength and calm.


We were then given the structure of the show, and our places (stools).

View of the stage in the main theater

We then ran through the show once to iron out details.  Everyone was so wonderful at their parts!  The show was not filmed, but Kira was kind enough to record my final rehearsal.  Find that HERE.  (The first line was cut off.  It was "I am a woman.")

After that, the directors provided some food trays as well as some drinks.  We all ate, and while doing so I fell into conversation with several different people.  They were from all walks of life.

It's important to note, we were reading off cards.  No memorization.  Supposedly.

At 6 PM, the pre-show started in the "inner lobby."  You see, the show sold out completely, so chairs were set up in the inner lobby for 100 more people to see the show (at a discounted price.)  So the plan was that we do our bit in the main theater, then head out to the lobby to do the show again for that crowd.  There we would sit on the stools out there until the end of the show.

Backstage Waiting

Except for myself and a few others.  We would speak again later during the "Testimonials" part.  I would be the first of those.  So after my group part, I would then go back into the theater and wait backstage until my turn again.

In the crowd out in lobby, I spotted my roomie and bestie Linda, as well as my dear friend Lilia.  They had come to support me.  I knew that my friend Elizabeth was also there with two people, but I didn't see her.

Pre-show lobby crowd.

At around 6:30, we were told "doors are open," so all of us huddled in the cramped dressing room.  The people who knew each other chatted and joked.  I pretty much moved around silently.

Soon enough we lines up in the darkened backstage area, lit only by blue track lighting.  We waited through the introductions of the show's beneficiaries (it was a benefit.)  One of the rambled on and on, until someone said "Sister, this is a long show, and we still have one other person to speak to."  A laugh.  The second person spoke briefly.  And then, we filed out onto the stage to applause.  And the show began.

Backstage where we waited for our cue.

My first part, the group part with Kira and three others was early in the show.  It wasn't recorded, but there are youtube videos of the piece being performed by other groups.  Then, we filed off to applause, and went to the other room and did it again.

I watched for a little bit, then sneaked backstage.  There I took some pictures and waited.  Eventually i was told to take a seat out on the stools between speakers.  Then, when the time came for my "Testimony" piece, I was ready.

I gave my piece.  It was just me on the stage of a theater- 150 eyes and ears on me.  I did my piece, but one of the cards was missing.  Fortunately I had rehearsed it enough that I knew the missing part and plowed through it.  When I finished, I strutted off the stage defiantly, shoulders back.  I felt it fit the ending.  Applause!

For me!

I quickly went back to the dressing room and found the missing card, then waited to do my bit on the second stage.  Then, I was ON!

As I performed the second time, there were maybe 100 people.  But it was different this time.  The audience was more... responsive.  There were at least two African American women saying "Mmmhmm!!" and "that's right, sister!"  and "You tell' em!"  I felt wonderful!

Again I finished.  More applause.  I was floating on air.

A bit later, we took our group bows, both the outside stage and in the theater.

It sounded louder in the theater.  As we all bowed and curtsied (three or four times) the crowd stood and gave us a standing ovation.  I could see Linda and Lilia and Elizabeth (my three friends who attended) standing and applauding.  And smiling!

Oh God, it was wonderful!

After the Show, I was in Heaven

Then... it was over.  The theater emptied.  I spoke briefly to Linda and Lilia, then Elizabeth and her group.  I stopped back in the dressing room to drop off my cards.  Then, out to the lobby where everyone was crowding around.

So many people I didn't know came up and hugged me.  They thanked me.  They told me how courageous I was.  I thanked them all- I didn't know what else to say.  Soon, I had wine (in a plastic cup) in my hand.  I was numb- in a good way.  I felt like I was dreaming and I didn't want to wake up.

A very tall and strongly built African American man came up to me.  He was dressed in a way that a Republican would judge him as a "thug."  I'd seen him in the audience in the lobby part, and met his gaze once while performing.  He came up and gave me a gentle hug saying, in a voice soft as a memory, that he really enjoyed my piece- that he never understood what it meant to be Trans, but now he did.  I thanked him as well- tears forming in my eye.

I stayed close to people I knew mostly.  Linda and Lilia left quickly, as Linda had to get up early for work.  However I did meet new people as well.

I started speaking to a couple of women.  They were out and proud lesbians who were taking pictures of each other next to a huge chalk art vagina in the outer lobby.  I offered to take  pictures of them both, which I did.  We then started chatting.

Tart and Art

They had the usual questions.  Then one asked why a Man would CHOOSE to become a woman.

"Oh, like you chose your sexuality?" I replied.

I saw the light bulb come on.  They Understood now.  I felt wonderful.  I wonder how many minds and hearts were changed that night as well.

Soon the crowd thinned down.  Elizabeth drove me to my car, and I drove home.  Again, I listened to the Grateful Dead.  I couldn't stop smiling.

I woke the next morning in a Wonderful mood!  Best I'd felt in Years!  Decades! As I prepared for work, I thought about how great the day would be- how many customers I could turn on to new books and such.

Then I arrived at work...

And everything went straight to Hell.

Ally's, Parties, and Graves

On Friday, August 12th at 9 a.m, I headed South toward Richmond.  An hour into the trip, I figured out that I had forgotten my EZ Pass, which I need for tolls. So, at Wilmington Delaware I turned around travelled the hour back home picked up the EZ-Pass.

Had my roomie and bestie Linda been along, she would've reminded me to bring the damn thing.  However, she had to work, so I was going alone.

At 11 o'clock I was back on the road.  I did make one stop in Stafford, Virginia, where I saw my dear friend Kimberly Moore.  It's always a pleasure seeing her, even though she was in guy mode, which I don't believe she will be in for much longer.  In any case, she gave me some directions for a back road which cut over a half an hour off the trip, as  I-95 was like a parking lot.

The journey was not without tears.  Decades ago, not long after Wife and I were first married, we decided to take a week and travel the roads of Virginia on a Civil War tour.  We did it "seat of our pants" just a map, our Del Sol, and our credit cards.  It was one of the best vacations that I had in my life.  Not only was there a lot of history, but here I was with my fairly new Wife.  At that point, we were young; we were in love; and we were just traveling around for the hell of it.  It's times like these when I really think about all that I've given up; all that I've lost to be my True Self.

Near the end of that trip, we stopped at Kings Dominion, which is a large amusement park south of Fredericksburg and north of Richmond.  We spent the night there, and the next day did the park.  When I passed that park on this trip, I looked up, and that's what really reminded me of that trip.  I can't say I really liked Kings Dominion.  The only thing I remember about it is the water park. However it was a very large reminder of those times.  Wife and I are older now; grey is beginning to streak her hair, and we now have a child, but I do miss those times.  They will never be back, and that's there's nothing I can do about that, but I still cried about it.

After nine and a half hours on the road, I finally made it to Ally's,  and yes, I was exhausted but happy to be there.  It was wonderful seeing Ally and Jay.  They welcomed me with open arms, and gave me a quick drink.  Ally then told me that I had approximately ten minutes to change clothes and freshen up before we had to go to dinner.  That's not a lot of time.  It made me think it that it used to take me 2 hours to do my makeup, and it never even looked good back then.   Now I'm a lot faster at it, and I think it looks better, but is that practice or the hormones?  Or both?  In any case, I quickly threw on another dress, touched up my makeup, and we were out the door. We went to an upscale diner near Barcode: Tarrant's Cafe,  (Barcode being a bar that I've been to a few times.)  There we met a gay couple. Rather, I thought they were a couple, but they weren't: they were just a couple friends.  Dinner was wonderful.  I had a calzone.  I was very tired, so I my side of the conversation wasn't exactly sparkling.

At Barcode with the gorgeous Ally

After dinner, we went to Barcode.  As always at Barcode, everyone was extremely friendly.  Several people recognized me, and it was wonderful to see them again.  I sat down and had the first Long Island iced tea I had in a long time.  Ally, as usual, was buzzing around the place.  Everyone knew her and she knew everyone.  She was absolutely the life of the party!  I sat with Jay and listened to his friends talk.  I spoke a little bit as well, but in the end I was too tired to do anything.  I didn't even finish my drink before it was time to go.  Soon afterward returning to Ally's house, I was in bed and soon was asleep.



The next morning I slept in a little bit.  It was going to be a long day. Ally made us breakfast, and it was very good.  I usually don't have any breakfast, so it was a special treat for me.  After that, we sat around for a while and talked.  She showed me some of her new outfits.

We were going to go to a pool party.  I'd met the couple whose house we were going to, but I didn't realize how rich they were.  The house was absolutely gorgeous: it was a mansion!  I was completely overwhelmed by how wonderful it was!  When we arrived there were approximately ten people already in the pool.  It was a pool party, and I wore a bathing suit underneath my green sundress.  Everyone brought food except me, and I felt like an idiot.  And the food was absolutely wonderful!  I had a quick drink and sat in the shade, because I knew that if I stayed outside in the sun, I would FRY!  Eventually, I went into the water and had a little bit of a splash around.  Then I went to the Cabana, where Jay was sitting as well as a couple others.

Gorgeous Music Room 

Pool Scene 

Sophie Selfie

Inevitably discussion of politics came up.  The four people in the Cabana were all of the same mind; we all are scared to death of a Trump Victory.   We knew that would be the end of many things as we knew it, including any rights we have at this point.  Someone walked in that I hadn't seen- he was younger guy who I never met before, and he started pounding the Trump line, saying how immigrants were horrible.   "Immigrants were going to destroy this country, and then they would kill us long before Trump would have a chance to take away anything."

I turned and looked at him, and said "I am an immigrant.  Would you care to revise that statement?" He kept right on with it.  He said "Trump's wall is just a metaphor." I said "I know he wants to build a wall, and you'll notice that it's only on the southern border, not on the Northern border with Canada.  I wonder why that is?  It's a bigger border after all!"  I was beginning to get a little angry with him, because I could see right away that he didn't care about our rights- he only cared about keeping the people he didn't want (brown people) out of the country.  I repeated again that I was an immigrant, and he didn't even stop. Others intervened, so we agreed to disagree, and then I left the Cabana disgusted.



I went inside had a little more to eat, fix myself another drink.  I took off my green dress, tying it around my waist.  I eventually would ditch it on a chair along with my purse, and get into the pool.  The water felt wonderful, and everybody really was so welcoming.  Most of the people remembered me from previous parties, and it was wonderful to speak to them again.  Most of them are very accomplished men in their fields.  There were Judges, CEOs, etc, and they were all wonderful people.  It was like a little family of Their Own.  I was told that eventually everyone would probably be naked and having a good time.  The estate was big, and no one could see in.  However I didn't see any of it, really.  Well, not until we were ready to leave.  Rumors that I was topless are completely exaggerated.

We had a wonderful time, and eventually we got back on the road. Sunburnt and tired, we headed back to Ally and Jay's place.  When we arrived, I promptly went upstairs and took another nap.

I hate when sweat off all my makeup!  When I awoke, I had to start all over!

Ally and I then went to Babes of Carytown, a lesbian nightclub that we'd visited in previous trips.  It was empty at first, but filled up quickly.  While there, we bumped into a transwoman that neither of us had met before: Allison.  Allison is a gorgeous brunette whose wife knows about her feminine side.  She is so much fun!  Despite my weariness, she made me perk right up!

With Ally and Allison at Babes

Ally and I were both tired, and neither of us liked the music, so we left early.  We discussed music on the way back to her place, and how different it was when we were coming up.  I felt so old.


The next morning, I woke early, and Ally made me a fantastic breakfast.  I did a quick job on my makeup, and got on the road.  I had one stop I wanted to make: Hollywood Cemetery.

As I have written somewhere in this blog, I love cemeteries.  Hollywood Cemetery is a huge place overlooking the James River.  It holds the resting places of 2 US Presidents (James Monroe and John Tyler), as well as Jefferson Davis, 28 Confederate Generals, and over 18,000 Confederate soldiers.  So much history!

 Monument to Confederate Dead

 I was enchanted by this.

 The "Iron Dog" guards the grave of a child

Family Plot 

General JEB Stuart and Wife 

President James Monroe.  The "Birdcage" is away being restored 

Beautiful Sculpture 

River view 

President John Tyler 

Were you in artillery or are you just glad to see me?

I spent an hour or so touring the beautiful grounds, taking many pictures.  I had to cut short my visit though, as I received news that my Daughter, just back from Europe, was quite sick.  While I guessed exhaustion, I wanted to get home as fast as possible.

On the way home, I called my dear friend Jenny North.  I was supposed to visit her, but couldn't.  She and I spoke for over an hour about her latest story.  She is an incredible writer!

As I entered Maryland, I received a call saying Daughter was ok: it was Exhaustion.  I was very relieved!  It would still be another week before I saw her, though.

As I passed Baltimore, I stopped at the site of Lisa Empanada's death as I often do.  The field has been planted, but the rows avoid her "spot."  I stayed a little while, talking to her and crying.

"Lisa's Spot"

Eventually, I arrived home.  It was a wonderful weekend.  Seeing Ally and Jay is ALWAYS such a treat.  They are truly amazing people!  (I wish Linda could've come along, but maybe next time.)

So Ally, it's YOUR turn to visit Pennsylvania!  :)


Be Well!

Ten Minute Makeup Job