Monday, November 30, 2020

Thoughts in a Hot Autumn

As I start this entry, its late November, and its 50 degrees outside.  Very warm for this time of year.  It was a Hot summer too- the kind of hot that stirs tempers in some and lethargy in others.  Here in State College, there's been very little rain, and what we got was never substantial. Brown summer grass merges into brown fall leaves as the winter supposedly is coming.  

There was frost this morning though- a month late.  Guess its lethargic too.

This morning, Wisconsin verified Biden had the most votes, but in the age of 45 fascism, that doesn't mean he won.  45 will do anything and everything to keep in power.

It's been a hot autumn, and so very stressful.  Would the American experiment survive?  The world watched and held its breath as a nation with the world's largest nuclear arsenal decided between democracy and fascism.

And they're still wondering.  

Nov 30.  Go figure- I write all that and today we get rain.  Maybe I have weather powers and don't know it?




A lot of my fellow transgender women have been posting incredible pictures on social media of late.  They (rightfully) brag about how much weight they've lost, etc.  They all look gorgeous and I look like Jabba the Hutt in drag.  I've been trying to lose weight but keep gaining.  I had my thyroid checked and its normal. Maybe if I fasted for a month or two I could get my weight down to a human level.  The combination of seeing a guy in the mirror and all that extra weight disgusts me.  I'm not fishing for compliments (I don't believe them anyway,) just writing how I feel.  


Pic: https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Hutt/Legends


Not helping my physical situation us the depression that sometimes immobilizes me.

I know- wahhhh.  "Stop complaining."

We're entering the holiday season.  I wonder how working for my current employer will be different than the bookstore or my other jobs during this time.  

Despite not working retail last year, I still have a healthy hate for the holiday season.  I think I always will.  After all, I missed the wonder in my daughter's eyes the last seven Christmases.  Now she's a teen.  And I won't see her this Christmas- I already know that.

Actions have consequences.  My being born different had the consequences that I don't get to have a "normal" life, and am punished by being denied the people I love most.  

Oh well, back to work.  So much homework.  Why am I here?


Wednesday, November 25, 2020

SG@A: the Rest of the Story

 Seems my last post triggered good memories.  I post the following with the kind permission of the authors.


Oh, helps if you read the original entry:  Space Goop at Acacia.

I'll lead off with two of the people making the music.

J.R. Mangan: (vocals/guitar: Space Goop): "Now that was a great day."

Mike Biddeson: (1/2 of brother part of Space Goop) Brian shared your blog. Really fun piece. We had such a blast that day but it is really cool to experience the event through your eyes as well as others who have commented. I tried to make a comment on the Facebook post/blog but didn't see a spot to do it. So a couple of fill in the blanks...

I played bass and guitar. JR and I switched. At first it was because it was determined by who learned the song and sang lead vocal on a song, but then it became a ridiculously dramatic beer infused monk chant when we switch guitars, usually inexplicably being accompanied with a flying lobster. Who knows why these things happen. 

The Acacia guys were such fun and that was a very generous event to gift the community with. Dave and I went onto rejoin our old band Ticapoo Brain which was joined by Beth Williams (before she lost her h). Then we started making music with Kevin Slick (who I think sat in with Goop on the Acacia event) in Neo Pseudo which was more of an all original band. We moved to Philly and played clubs til the mid 90s. Neo Pseudo has lots of stuff on you tube. I still play with my brother in another all original band called the llama Dalis. You can find us on iTunes. 

Anyway thanks for the awesome blast of memories. Great article and cool that your back in the valley.

PS I've been working on a book called "Zart, the art of everything" I'll keep you posted!

Mike Goop

http://i-zarts.com/

Goop accidentally formed I think in the summer of 85 back in Mansfield where I was doing grad school in art ed and JR and Dave just finished undergrad.  I think anyway. Very fluid time. Lots of moving and various band  configurations.

Brian Hulek (Acacia Social Chair at that time): "I set a goal as a freshman to ‘have the biggest party at Penn State’ and that was the moment perhaps!

The band was at the end  where Locust Lane passes the house and people were backed up all the way to the swimming pool at the frat next door. And our 2nd level deck was overflowing.

It was one of the best days ever for all involved. I had brothers who hated me crying and hugging me saying ‘It was the best day of their lives’. Every brother at Acacia got a supplementary bill at the end of the semester!😂

Oh yes. I had a VIP section up front with our own keg and pledge pouring.

[about the blog entry]:  Unbelievably well done Sophie! YOU are now forever linked to the event!


The Original Tape

Jeff Podeszwa: I’d like to add a few points.

I was a TKE pledge at the time and of course we were supposed to “work” that party. I think my station was, “make sure people aren’t drinking in the street” as the new law was being enforced. Hell Week was rapidly approaching and the abuse level was also ratcheted up a few notches. Upon arrival it was evident that all bets were off. The scene was akin to a grand music festival, not just a party but An Event. Like all great events, they don’t necessarily need to be planned, sponsored and promoted. An event to define the era. I’ve been to some big events Live Aid, Grateful Dead on New Years Eve, outdoor dance festivals at Mt. Fuji, but this one was special. I think the most I worked was getting beers for some brothers. It made no matter, as the music enveloped us we became equals, the physical plane lifted, only our souls danced. Floating spirits, spread out around the lawn, I don’t remember a single violent incident, or a face without a smile or a welcoming attitude.

“This is the reason I am here. I am here right now for this reason” was my brain’s explanation.

By rule, there were certain fraternity people we were not allowed to address without certain formalities, but that all flew out the window. Listening to the tape it is easy to see why, Can’t You See is a love letter to past relationships and hometowns, the reggae influenced Fire On the Mountain is a clever take on a difficult cover. The band was phenomenal, I’ll venture that the Walk on The Will Side>Can’t Always Get What You Want may have been the pinnacle of any live music I saw at PSU. And Goop did Good Lovin’>La Nacho> Good Lovin’ a full year before Garcia belted out La Bamba.

The angle of the sun, the feeling of youthful invincibility, that a future better than the present will always be waiting, yeah that optimism crystalized in two songs. But it happened.

Little did we know that this was not the Woodstock, rather it was the Altamont, the nadir of social life at PSU. The restrictions that followed turned Phi Psi 500 into a mere shell of itself and off-campus parties and fraternities would be hunted and vilified by the authorities in a manner yet unseen by the masses.

No matter, because for that beautiful day at Acacia, we shared that time, forever locked deep inside ourselves. And no one can ever take that away.

Thank you to Brian J Hulek for the tape and of course, J.R. Mangan and Space Goop for a real good time!

great blog Sophie Lynne!

My response to Jeff's bit: I'd say it WAS the Woodstock, as it may have been the peak of a generation.  Thanks to Bryce Jordan (PSU president at that time) putting in draconian party rules, things were never the same.  Now in my 50s, I sorta understand the why of it- litigation- but he handled it all wrong.  By the time I graduated, it was a lot less fun.  When I tell stories of back in the day to current undergrads, they can't believe it.  Kegs at a party??



Skull Toga 1988


Stephanie Rado Taormina: Jeff Podeszwa omg! What a great post above from you! I haven’t thought about that day in over 30 years but you nailed it and we were lucky to have experienced it.. part of what makes us who we all are today in some way.

Laura Pace Lilley:  Love this blog!!!  I covered music for the Collegian so I agree that music really made our time there special...and takes ya right back...



Thanks to those who allowed me to share their memories of that day.  And that's the thing- at Penn State in the mid-80s, this was in many ways just another Saturday.  It was Phi Psi weekend which made it a bit special, yes, but seeing an amazing band at a party was a regular thing for us back then.  


It really was a special time.  Maybe that's why I wrote a book about it.


Friday, November 13, 2020

Space Goop at Acacia

I've posted bits from my book, Men of the Skull, on this blog occasionally.  Even as thoroughly researched as that book is (VERY thoroughly), I couldn't put every niggling detail in there.  In fact, it needs a strong edit because I put in far too many.   The major reason is many of those details just wouldn't resonate with anyone except those who were there as well.  For example, I can write all I want about a Grateful Dead show, but unless you were there, there's no way to write about everything so that it would be understood.  It wasn't just the music- it was the "vibe", the feelings, the settings, the people... all of it made for the experience.  Let's face it- the Dead weren't the most physically demonstrative or exciting band to watch!  But that didn't matter.

In that same spirit, is Space Goop at Acacia.  Among many people who attended PSU in 1986/7, that phrase means something.  Like on that Star Trek TNG episode "Darmok and Jalad… at Tanagra" means something to the Tamarians who speak in metaphor.  It's a cultural reference.  Another example would be if I refer to swallows carrying coconuts- many get that right away, as I'm quoting a well known movie.  

Space Goop at Acacia, 1986  Courtesy: B. Hulek

In any case, Space Goop was a band at Penn State in spring 1986 (I don't know how how long they lasted, as I found a reference to them in a March 1985 Daily Collegian article), but I know that by fall 1986, they'd broken up.  Space Goop was JR Mangan (guitar), Mike (bass) and Dave (drums) Biddison.

Acacia was and still is a fraternity at Penn State and other campuses.  At PSU, they were a very short walk across a tree studded lawn away from my fraternity house.  They were considered a major house at the time, and I'm told had great parties (I have never to this day been inside that I remember.)


April 12, 1986: that was the date of the annual Phi Psi 500 that year.  Phi Psi is half a block away from Acacia, and they scheduled the band that day to ensure a huge crowd- which they got.  (I described the Phi Psi 500 in detail HERE.)  It was a beautiful sunny day, everyone was festive due to the Phi Psi, and Space Goop was on stage.

I didn't transfer to Penn State until that August, so how would I know all this?  Three reasons.  The first was that Collegian article.  The second was by reading accounts by people who were there (on facialbook.)  The third?  Well, that's the topic of this post.

Someone plugged into the soundboard, and recorded over a little over 90 minutes of the show (which lasted a good part of the day, as well as continuing inside that night.)  Back then, recording technology meant... TAPE!  For you kids out there, there were these things called "tape players" and they were the preferred method of listening to recorded music at the time.  Compact Discs were available, but really expensive (and non-recordable.)

By the time I arrived at Penn State that August, that recording spread all through the Greek community if not all of campus.  Everyone who was anyone had a copy.  I heard it at apartment parties and at least once in a dorm party.  At my fraternity, the guys would put stereo speakers in the front windows of the second floor, and that fall, the music was either Grateful Dead (usually Dead Set) or Space Goop at Acacia (SG@A).  I managed to tape a copy off of one of the brothers (I think his was a third or fourth generation copy) and I listened to it a lot during my college days.  Sometime after graduation I lost the tape.  Maybe I loaned it to someone- I don't know.  Point is that by 1991, it was gone.

Fast forward decades.  On Facialbook is a group for Penn State alumni... of a certain... vintage... (primarily 60s-early 90s) on which we share memories, swap stories, post pics, etc.  SG@A came up occasionally in stories and such, and at least one person (me) would ask if anyone could make a copy of it for me.

Last week, Brian Hulek messaged me.  He was the Acacia Social Chair at the time who put together that party, and, more importantly, he was the guy who made that recording.  He previously had no idea of what happened to the original tapes.  However, apparently... they were FOUND!  He digitized and uploaded them.  He then reached out to offer me a copy.  I asked how much and he replied "No $$$.  We share the joy!  I am insulted!"  (followed by a winky face emoji.)



Partiers on Acacia lawn that day.  Courtesy B. Hulek

In any case, he sent a copy, which I eventually figured out how to download into my iTunes.  Then, I listened.  

First off, the whole recording he sent was a good 30 minutes longer than the one I had.  The song that started my tape was "Can't You See?", which was over a third of the way through the set.  More importantly- it was a clean copy!  Second generation at worst!  The sound was like being there!

This was the set list:

1. Fire on the Mountain

2. Southern Cross > I'm a Believer

3. Walk on the Wild Side > You Can't Always Get What You Want

4. Dead Flowers

5. Can’t You See

6. Gilligan’s Island > Good Lovin’  

7. Not Fade Away > Who Do You Love?

8. Roadhouse Blues

9. Southern Man

10. Young Americans

(set break)

11. Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard > Day-O

12. Truckin’

13. Nature Calling (Space Goop Original)

14. Down on the Corner

15. Yellow Submarine

16. Roxanne


I was in Heaven!  I sent him the following: (edited for punctuation and clarity):


"Listening to it gave me an intense pang of (nostalgia?)  It brought me back to a time and place now so long past.  I was not at PSU when this party happened- I transferred up in Fall 86.  However, that semester everything was so new, exciting and different.  One of the biggest differences was my fraternity (I joined at Drexel.)  

One of the best memories was this music.  It seemed EVERYONE in the house had a copy, and it was blasted from the speakers placed in the front windows on beautiful days those first few weeks.  Of course, by then, Goop was gone, so I never saw them.  But the idea of Goop- a party band full of life, and a party on a lawn with students drinking, dancing, and loving their youth- always stayed with me.  

I was adjusting to a new reality in a wonderful new place and had so much ahead of me- so many incredible memories yet to be made.  Space Goop at Acacia will always be a time capsule to that time, and THIS is what you've returned to me: that music and all it means to me.  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart."


He sent me the following back:

Little known fact- The agreement I made with the band was 1 long day set then 2 sets inside at night. After the long day set  was concluding, we were having way too much fun to stop. I wasn’t going to change the night schedule so I ran in the house and without authorization wrote the boys a check for another $500 to keep playing. After the night session we partied with the band til sunrise!

So, not only did I get the music, I got a bit of of the story with it!  He also sent some pictures, some of which appear in this blog entry.

As I mentioned, Space Goop broke up over the summer of 1986.  One member, J.R. Mangan, went on to form Stolyn Hours, which became one of the top bands in State College.  They released an album as well.  The other guys played as Ticapoo Brain before disappearing from the State College scene.  J.R. stayed in State College, and has owned the Cafe 210 West for some time now (still one of the best Long Island Iced Teas ever!)

It's been 34 years since that day.  Listening to the music, I wonder what people who weren't there (or never heard of the band) would think of it.  I think it held up well.  My roomie/bestie Linda thought it was quite good.  The songs are still classics (except for the one original, the reggae influenced "Nature Calling") and the renditions are quite inventive, including dropping the Hokey Pokey into Truckin'.  Some of the on-stage patter is... um... dated (a few of the comments wouldn't fly these days) but the rest is cheerful and fun.

I write about nostalgia and my past quite a bit on this blog.  Well, it's my blog and I'll write what I want to, write what I want to, wriiiite what I want to.  I guess I'm not just remembering bits of my life, but I'm still trying to make sense of it.  That first semester at PSU started as a disaster, as I had only one friend, missed my ex-girlfriend, was hated by most of my new fraternity brothers, and ended up working back at Burger King for money.  However, by October, things turned around and became absolute magic (mainly due to a pair of girls I met.)  I still see that as the best semester at PSU, as everything was still so new and fresh and full of firsts.  Also, it ended with the Nittany Lions winning the National Championship over the Miami Hurricanes.  

Writing this, I wonder what happened to the people there.  Who was the drunk girl shouting for a song to be dedicated to her sorority (Chi O)?  She's probably a mom or even a grandmother by now.  Did any couple who eventually married meet there that day?  Does anyone really have a clear memory of it?

Still, I wonder how things would've been different if I DIDN'T have my "dark secret" to hide- if I'd just been cisgender like everyone else.  Or, for that matter, if I'd been born completely female.  I'll never know those answers obviously.  

I'm back at Penn State now, decades later, living my Truth as a woman, albeit a woman of a certain age.  Like all people of my... vintage... I have my memories.  Many of my best (and a few of my worst) were here at Happy Valley, and I'm making new ones frequently, as well as occasionally updating the faces and names of those with whom I shared that magic heartbeat in the late 80s.  As I've written elsewhere, our Penn State is long gone, and lives only in our memories.  Thanks to Brian, and the music of a band long passed, some of those best memories again have their soundtrack.



Thanks to Brian Hulek for generously sharing the music, and his gracious permission to use his photos and words for this entry.

I've added a second entry about this day with stories from people who were there.  Find that HERE.